@saved1970 It kind of doesn’t matter how hard it’s gonna be - the point is if it makes you feel super anxious and you’re not up for the challenge, she’s gonna have to wait.
@saved1970 We are going to Italy this summer and my twin boys will be 7. This is my personal opinion, but I wouldn’t travel across time zones unless my kids can understand what jet lag means.
I know people travel internationally with kids much younger than mine. I think you just have to have the right mind set.
For example, no structured events first few days to get used to time difference, high tolerance and patience for everyone’s emotions since you will be out of routine.
You should ask your mom what kind of trip she envisions with your kids. If it’s a lot of touring, with not a lot of downtime, I’m afraid it would not be a good time for your family. Either way, talk to your mom and go from there.
I know people travel internationally with kids much younger than mine. I think you just have to have the right mind set.
For example, no structured events first few days to get used to time difference, high tolerance and patience for everyone’s emotions since you will be out of routine.
You should ask your mom what kind of trip she envisions with your kids. If it’s a lot of touring, with not a lot of downtime, I’m afraid it would not be a good time for your family. Either way, talk to your mom and go from there.
@saved1970 My wife and I took our 18 month old to Italy in '22 and it wasn't the nightmare you would expect. It required a lot of planning and assistance but it was actually a wonderful trip.
So much so that we decided to take our daughter and 7 month old identical twins to Disney World in FL this past September. Here are our tips for traveling with the three kids.
Disclaimer that I typically am very very routine oriented. My wife is much better at calling audibles and changing things up in the moment, for me to feel comfortable I really need a routine and I still loved our vacations.
There are a few things that really can make or break your trip but here is my advice.
So much so that we decided to take our daughter and 7 month old identical twins to Disney World in FL this past September. Here are our tips for traveling with the three kids.
Disclaimer that I typically am very very routine oriented. My wife is much better at calling audibles and changing things up in the moment, for me to feel comfortable I really need a routine and I still loved our vacations.
There are a few things that really can make or break your trip but here is my advice.
- Flight / Travel - go direct if possible. This is the first time we allowed our daughter to watch movies on an iPad and it kept her still (mostly) after we exhausted everything else in our bag of tricks. We brought our car seat on the plane so we could strap them in which also helps if you'll be renting a car after landing. If not, you can check the car seats at the airport and pickup on the way home. they are heavy and bulky but good for the flight. If you can fly with family that's even better to have someone to help while on the flight or in the rental car. We downloaded her favorite songs and playlists so we had it ready to go during the car rides.
- Italy with kids - If you are from North America you will be shocked at how kid friendly Europe is. Even eating dinner at 8, 9, or 10 pm we saw many other parents and kids eating out. Many restaurants with play areas and toys for kids to use, when you show up to eat they automatically bring out the high chairs. Little things like that went a long way in entertaining. The food is delicious it goes without saying. My wife and I were stunned at how much more acceptable it is to be out with kids.
- Accommodations - Hotels do have A/C, it may not cool as well as we'd expect in the US but everywhere we stayed had A/C. If it's a BNB or home rental, I hope you would have family to assist with the kids. Obviously not always affordable or possible, but a room with a suite that allows you to keep the kids in another room is ultimately the best option.
- Strollers - We borrowed a GB Pockit All City stroller from family and ended up buying our own. Very compact and portable (I suggest buying a travel bag/backpack on Amazon) but this stroller was able to handle the stairs or Venice and the streets of Verona or Fano with no issues. Plus it's small enough to leave in the car afterwards. It's a far cry from our Uppababy double stroller but for travel it works incredibly well with one person in charge of a kid.
- Time Zone - If you're from North America and eat dinner around 5-6:30 it kind of lines up with the culture of eating late in Italy. It's not perfect but if you go out to eat at 9 then it's not a far stretch for the kids to stay up. Plus the kids may sleep a little later too.
- Childcare - We traveled with some friends with no kids which obviously helped enormously. They had their own rooms and did some site-seeing on their own but just to have someone to help watch the kids for a few moments is helpful. If you are visiting family and they are Italian a would strongly suspect you will have extra hands. Those Italians (in my experience) are extremely kind and helpful with children. You and your husband need to be on the same page and basically play man-man so each one has a kid to watch. I would set these expectations with family that they need to help "babysit" or at least take some shifts and offer you two a night out (or two, or three!) by yourselves.
- Food - We brought as many snacks and diapers as possible. Pouches, crackers, puffs, anything we could keep on hand that would stay fresh and we could use as needed. It helps too that your luggage is much lighter going home at least. Also packed plenty of diapers, and detergent to wash clothes in a sink if needed. They don't serve regular cold milk in Italy so it's good you're breastfeeding. But it will be hard to store your pumped milk if you are just in a hotel. Our daughter was a fantastic eater and ended up enjoying many things you'd never expect, clam linguine, any and all pasta, fresh meat and seafood, she gained her love of olives on this trip which she still loves to this day.
- Experience - During and after our trip, we saw a noticeable change in our daughters speech and language. It was like leveling up. At that age in their development their brains are going to be supercharged. I suspect that they will be so visually and verbally stimulated at the end of each day they will nap and sleep like never before. Not to mention all of the beautiful pictures you can take and look back on. Even if your kids won't "remember" the trip it will effect their development for the better and offer new experiences outside of our normal bubbles. I can almost guarantee you will look back on those family photos as some of your favorites. We made a slide show out of our trip that we watched with our daughter and it really helped her remember the experience.
@saved1970 Even if you didn’t have toddler twins it would be completely reasonable to say no! It doesn’t matter what other people think you “should” want or be willing to do.
Also, that trip sounds like hell to me, too.
Also, that trip sounds like hell to me, too.
kimsweverti23
New member
@saved1970 We went on a family holiday when mine were that age. It was great as more hands to help, but it was also stressful as it wasn't baby safe. It was also only a short flight, but it was still so exhausting. I was still breastfeeding too, and my other half was shocked how many times i had to wake in the might. You are not wrong. Put your foot down on this one, and don't feel bad about it.
Also, maybe try doing a short weekend flight so hubby can really picture what 9hrs will be like. It will likely change his mind!
Also, maybe try doing a short weekend flight so hubby can really picture what 9hrs will be like. It will likely change his mind!
@kimsweverti23 Hahaha he didn’t come with us on the flight to Miami so he has no idea how much work there were on the short flight.
faithfull_fella
New member
@saved1970 I wouldn’t go
@faithfull_fella Yea... Me neither lol.
albertmadin
New member
@saved1970 Ok the flight aside- have yall discussed what the trip will look like? Group tours? Late nights. Strange meal times, sleeping accommodations? I understand your husband wanting to go on the trip (honestly in your scenario I'd be the one wanting to go and my husband would be like hell no). Is taking a nanny an option? What if your MIL had a big birthday dinner one night...are the kids coming? If not who is watching them?
I think if you can set emotions aside and practically address some of these issues you might feel better going on the trip.
I have twin 2 year olds as well and our flight last summer (a short one to Utah) was a nightmare. My husband said he wasn't taking them anywhere again until they were 5. So I get the trepidation for sure. But surely long international flight would have better seating accommodations? Good luck!
Edited to add- I understand being the default parent but if my husband really wanted to go there would have to be some very frank discussions on responsibilities for this trip. Like thought out scenarios so no one is surprised on the trip. ALSO- I'm not sure what his MIL is like...is this trip going to be all about her? Does she help? Does she understand the limitations you all would be under? Worst possible scenario in my mind would be getting into a huge fight with my spouse/ resenting them and my in laws and being annoyed the entire time.
I think if you can set emotions aside and practically address some of these issues you might feel better going on the trip.
I have twin 2 year olds as well and our flight last summer (a short one to Utah) was a nightmare. My husband said he wasn't taking them anywhere again until they were 5. So I get the trepidation for sure. But surely long international flight would have better seating accommodations? Good luck!
Edited to add- I understand being the default parent but if my husband really wanted to go there would have to be some very frank discussions on responsibilities for this trip. Like thought out scenarios so no one is surprised on the trip. ALSO- I'm not sure what his MIL is like...is this trip going to be all about her? Does she help? Does she understand the limitations you all would be under? Worst possible scenario in my mind would be getting into a huge fight with my spouse/ resenting them and my in laws and being annoyed the entire time.
@albertmadin So it’s just to visit family so it wouldn’t be much travelling. I mean she helps but she doesn’t do a lot. My husband “watches” them but not like I do. I have to constantly be on him to be after them and to help me out. So that’s why to me it’s just more stressful than anything because I feel like it’s all on me. Also the babies would be on our laps. Part of the reason she wants to go now is because they are free before two. So they won’t have their own seats.
I also have a lot of resentment towards my MIL already. There have been issues since day one and her getting too involved. They live across the street so I see them EVERY DAY.
I also have a lot of resentment towards my MIL already. There have been issues since day one and her getting too involved. They live across the street so I see them EVERY DAY.
albertmadin
New member
@saved1970 If her only reason for going now is for it to be cheaper because they can sit on your laps- that's not a good reason. On a flight that long you're going to want to have a seat for them. Tell her as long as she has one twin on her lap the entire flight 
or Tell her you want to save up money and go next summer.
or Tell her you want to save up money and go next summer.@albertmadin Hahaha exactly! A seat with a car seat would change it but she doesn’t want to pay for a whole seat when they can sit for free. If I told her she had to take one she would have a heart attack lmao
@saved1970 I listen to an advice podcast sometimes (Dr John Delony, if you’re interested), where the host recommends, “Choose guilt over resentment, every time.” If you resent your mother-in-law already, I’d try to address that before adding more fuel to that fire.
It also sounds like you and your husband need to have further discussions about how you balance parenting duties. If he drags you to Italy because his mom wants the kids to travel for free, and you’re spending 10 days pulling kids back from rocky cliffs, that’s going to cause some more resentment for sure.
It also sounds like you and your husband need to have further discussions about how you balance parenting duties. If he drags you to Italy because his mom wants the kids to travel for free, and you’re spending 10 days pulling kids back from rocky cliffs, that’s going to cause some more resentment for sure.
@rosaryson Thank you! I’ll take a look. I agree. Something I need to sort out.
@saved1970 Yeah, that sounds terrible to me. I wouldn’t agree to go with my children on a flight that long at that age.