My husband and I are in the middle of deciding whether we want to try for a third. Our current kids are 5 and 3. While in a perfect world I’d love to be having another now to keep the age gap similar, that is not going to happen for us. After nearly a year of discussing, we are considering trying for a third in a year or so. That would put our current kiddos at 5 and 7 when the baby is born. I am worried that, that big of an age gap will mean the older 2 are really close while the baby is kind of on his/her own. Does anyone have experience with kiddos at similar ages? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
Age Gap?
- Thread starter tiltv4
- Start date
binibiningkim
New member
@tiltv4 My kids are 6 and 7 and I’m due in July with our third and last baby. I think people put way too much focus on age gaps. Kids close in age can be close or distant. Kids far apart in age can be close or distant. My kids are really excited for their baby brother. They may have slightly different relationship with him than they do with each other, but they can all still be close.
@binibiningkim My theory is that the reason people focus so much on age gaps is that it gives the illusion of control over sibling dynamics.
toomanythoughts
New member
@tiltv4 I'm the oldest with two brothers 3 and 8 years younger than me, so I was 8 and my brother was 5 when the youngest was born. I had a great relationship with my baby brother and we're still very close. He's also going to be best man at his older brother's wedding this year. So based on anecdotal evidence, the age gap worked for us!
@tiltv4 My older cousins were 2 years apart in age and their younger sibling was born when they were 6 and 8 (but they also shared a dad, younger sibling was from their stepfather). I would say that the older two had a particularly close bond, but all 3 siblings got on really well in childhood and into adulthood, I definitely would not say that she was on her own. But all of this ultimately depends on personalities, anyway. I'm closer to my sibling who's 20 years younger than me than he is to his brother (one year apart).
@tiltv4 I have had similar thoughts/ worries about potential age gaps of unborn children ! I then realised that if a smaller age gap was not possible for you (due to external or internal factors), then the larger gap is the smallest that gap could ever have been, if that makes sense? Whenever you decide you are ready IS the perfect age gap 
@tiltv4 My high school boyfriend had two sisters, one who was 2 years younger and one who was 10 years younger. He and his middle sister were very close friends, but he ADORED his baby sister. They both did. They sort of teamed up to take care of her together, were super protective and nurturing and just doted on how cute she was - she was their baby. And she idolized them. This was when they were 16/17, 14/15, and 6/7, so I don't know how it turned out in adulthood (they're 39, 37, and 27 now) but I get the sense just from social media they are all still close. That gap is a little bigger than you are talking about, but I think just because a gap can nurture a different type of relationship between siblings doesn't mean it's better or worse.
onlybyhisgrace1
New member
@tiltv4 As children, you could be right, but when your kids get to be adults who knows what will happen.
My mom has a sister one year younger and another ten years younger. Growing up the older two were super tight. But now my mom and my youngest aunt are way more similar as adults and way closer. She doesn’t get along very well with the middle sister as adults.
My dad has two older siblings, a brother five years older and a sister seven years older. His middle brother and him were never close and are now basically estranged. His sister and him have always been very close. I’ve only met my dad’s brother once over 20 years ago.
Basically I agree with the posts above saying you ultimately can’t control sibling relationships, age gap guarantees nothing and sibling relationships shouldn’t be the driving factor behind wanting another kid.
My mom has a sister one year younger and another ten years younger. Growing up the older two were super tight. But now my mom and my youngest aunt are way more similar as adults and way closer. She doesn’t get along very well with the middle sister as adults.
My dad has two older siblings, a brother five years older and a sister seven years older. His middle brother and him were never close and are now basically estranged. His sister and him have always been very close. I’ve only met my dad’s brother once over 20 years ago.
Basically I agree with the posts above saying you ultimately can’t control sibling relationships, age gap guarantees nothing and sibling relationships shouldn’t be the driving factor behind wanting another kid.
@onlybyhisgrace1 What, in your opinion, should be the driving factor behind having another child then if not to enhance the lives of my current children? Everything I do is for them.
onlybyhisgrace1
New member
@tiltv4 We had a third recently with this scenario (big siblings are 5 and 7). It's been awesome so far. I was worried it would threaten the closeness of the older two, but it just adds a new dimension. In retrospect I think I was wrong to think that their bond needed to be preserved as-is. The baby has acted as a pressure release valve for their relationship which was sorely needed. I didn't plan this age gap but if I had known what I know now, I would have!
calvarykanikarum
New member
@tiltv4 I can't speak to this as a parent, but my siblings and I had a similar age gap to this and it was fine. My brother who the oldest and my sister who is the youngest (almost 7 years in the difference) got along great and still do. I was in the middle and got along with both. The older 2 might be close, but they will probably both adore that new baby.
@tiltv4 My husband is the baby of three with those age gaps with his older siblings. He’s VERY close to the middle sib, not very close to the oldest, but personality wise, he and the oldest are very different. My siblings and I have the “ideal” gaps you mentioned wishing you had and we’re not very close. It all varies so much! I would do what’s best for you and your husband.