A bigger age gap can be a good thing

[tantman]

@traceyn I’m sorry that was your experience. I totally agree that parents need to make an effort to meet their kids at whatever age they’re at.

 

[elvisrene10]

@tantman Thank you for this post! I sat on the fence forever! We have a 4 year old. And now….a little bean on the way. That’s a 4.5 age gap. Excited and scared and wanted a smaller gap.

So yes, those of you in 2.5/ that was my hardest! So selfish toddlers can be. Since 3.25 she’s been so much fun. She got her whole childhood.

I’m really old and first was an ivf baby from age 40. Second is from the same batch. Will deliver at 46. Husband had me wait through pandemic.

 

[toomanythoughts]

@tantman My youngest brother is 8 years younger than me and 5 years younger than my other brother. We are all really close, especially now that we're adults. We are often joking that I was his 'second mother', but in a totally positive way. We were really close when he was a toddler / child, and did a lot of things together. I think a large age gap can work out beautifully.

ETA: my parents really enjoyed having my youngest brother living with them after me and my other brother moved out. Prevented them from 'empty nest' feelings!

 

[tantman]

@toomanythoughts My little brother is 7 years younger than me and 9 years younger than my older brother and we all get along equally as adults too! Although we fought A LOT when he was little, he was a particularly difficult kid (and I was a particularly hormonal teen lol)

 

[pilgrimschild]

@tantman This is exactly what we did. Baby 2 is 7 weeks old now and it's everything I hoped it would be. 5y.o. is quite independent and set in his routine so no big adjustment/tantrums, waiting/patience is no problem, he's grabbing my stuff when I'm nursing etc. He's also completely in love with his little sister and until now we have not had any issues resentment/anger etc. towards baby. I see a lot of shorter gaps around me and it would not have worked for my mental health to have 2 in diapers/daycare/newborn+transition to (pre)school etc.. If we're having a third it will also be something we will begin to discuss in 4 years or so (I'm 32 and hubby is 34, he will take some convincing though)

Also physically I needed the spacing. I breastfed for 2 years and needed some time to hormonally get back to feel like 'myself'. And build up my health/nutrients to prepare for another pregnancy. Example: broke a foot 1 year post partum, probably partially due to vit D/calcium depletion since I have never broken anything in my life and I simply twisted my ankle. Other reasons for the accident can be my fitness level/muscle strength not being amazing the two years after baby due to working out not being a priority (I'm working on maintaining it this time though)

Professionally it also allowed me to change jobs 3 times between the babies to find something I can truly combine with my family and that actually kind of feels like a fulfilling job. It's hard to know what you need if you're not a parent yet since you don't know what kind you will be/what your needs will be.

 

[wisemoon]

@tantman My kids are 17 years apart and it is totally awesome.

 

[katrina2017]

@tantman My plan is to wait for Kid 1 to be capable of independent play before thinking about Kid 2.

 

[hoang25mai]

@tantman I have an 8 year old and a 2 month old.

Your family is YOURS, so add to it as you feel ready. I have no regrets.

If we add #3, it definitely won’t be another 8 years BUT that’s only because I don’t want a junior in high school and a newborn haha. That’s too many years of active parenting.

 

[dzheremi]

@tantman I’m currently pregnant with my first and we know we want a bigger family (3-4 kids). I’m planning to space them out by 3-5 years as well, for the reasons you mentioned. My SIL has a 4 and 1 year old and she seems to really enjoy that gap. I’m only 25 so hopefully this plan works out

 

[katrina2017]

@dzheremi Same, going for 3 kids ideally ~3 but no more than 4 years apart. Now that my first is 1 I'm really sitting on my hands though. I got baby fever! But I'm still petting my pants when I sneeze and a lot of potje health stuff I need to get in order before I get pregnant if it wasn't for my health and our finances it would be a lot harder to stick to the plan. Doesn't help that our toddler is so fun and easy either

PS I forgot I was reading an older thread! My bad How is the baby doing? Right after our first was born I couldn't even think about ever being pregnant again! Really took me by surprise. I thought this might be it, I'm not doing this again! So. Intense.

 

[dzheremi]

@katrina2017 Oh man. After I made this comment I actually found out I’m having twins which I’m still pregnant with, 13 weeks to go until delivery. After this twin pregnancy I’m not sure I want to go through pregnancy again…

 

[katrina2017]

@dzheremi Oh woooow! Well you won't have to think about that for the next 5 years I guess.

Twins

Congratulations!!

And good luck