Advice please! Underexposed toddler going to community language daycare + exposure to third language?

[mike247]

Hi multilingual parents!

For context, I am trilingual (Filipino/English/French), English being my strongest and my favored language. My SO is French-speaking and about a B2 level in English. We live in French-speaking Switzerland.

I take care of my now 16 month old baby 100% and I‘ve been speaking to her in English since in utero. My SO speaks to her in English as well since he sees that she can understand him better.

She has very good comprehension of basic commands, has about 10 words (only one is French technically but I doubt she realizes any of this haha) and about 10
signs as well (different from the words).

She starts daycare in three weeks and it‘s our first big separation (she rarely got babysat). The daycare director said that it is against policy to speak anything other than French. They will speak to her in English if the situation really requires it.

I am worried that this might make her integration more difficult and that she would have trouble bonding with her caregiver. My baby doesn‘t warm up easily to strangers.

I‘ve been trying to tell Dad to speak to her in French forever to do OPOL - he starts but then gives up. He says he prefers speaking to her in English. Apparently it‘s more fun.

Baby‘s exposure to French is passive for the most part (me & Dad talking to each other, family and friends talking around her, once to twice a week mommy groups)

My questions:
- Has anyone had this kind of scenario?
- Should I insist on Dad talking to her in French? Does it matter at this point? Or should I favor him speaking to her in English, since I have very few friends who speak English?
- Do they take to the language pretty ok at daycare?
- How was integration?
- Is there any chance she picked some French up passively? People sometimes talk to her directly but nearly not as much as I do.
- Do you have any other advice?

Daycare will be 1.5 days a week.

I was an immigrant child (to Canada) and I remember feeling terrified when I got to school and knew no French. I was older (10 y.o.) though. I‘m hoping it‘s not the same for young toddlers…

Any advice would be great!

Thank you for the time, kind internet strangers!

And if you have some extra time, any advice on when/how I can add Filipino to the mix (i.e. How long after i‘ve started daycare, at which frequency during the week, etc.)

 

[sebe]

@mike247 I think a bond between caretaker and child can form independent of a shared language. Of course it would be more comfortable if she knew the language. But it sounds like she does get some exposure from the community, observing you speak it, and her father; so it’s not a completely foreign language to her.

Anecdotally, my friend has her 1 year old in a Russian-speaking daycare. The child didn’t have any previous exposure to Russian. It took her very little time to adjust: 1-2 weeks. Now she has a strong bond with the caretaker and understands her.

To answer about picking up a language passively, yes definitely! My babe is 2 and we speak to him in only Spanish at the moment. But his father and I speak to each other in English most of the time and we live in an English speaking countries. The babe is almost 3 and def is interested in English, understands some of it, and even has a small vocabulary (5-10 words).

Hope this helps !

 

[mike247]

@sebe Hi! This definitely helps. I was hoping that there is a bond that can form beyond language as well. The anecdotal Russian-speaking daycare example was very helpful, and your example from your own experience as well!

She does get exposure. When we are outside the house, I tend to speak in both languages to her (people talk to her in French about 90% of the time, I reply in both English and French for everyone's sake).

I doubled down on English because the community language in my entourage is so strong. I wanted to minimize the risk of her refusing to speak it to me one day (although this I can't always control i'm sure)... and I wanted to make it a habit early on to speak English to her, to not "cave" and speak French when we're with other people.

Thanks again for your reply and best wishes in your own multilingual journey!

 

[sebe]

@mike247 I do the same. For him and for me. I thought that if I started with a mix of English and Spanish that I would just easily slip into English. Our strict Spanish rule has worked for us so far. It’s also kinda forcing my partner and I to speak in Spanish to one another since now our babe is getting annoyed that he doesn’t understand our English conversations

But yea when that community language hits, it hits hard. So I’m doing everything in my power to start off strong with Spanish.

 

[mike247]

@sebe ”community language hits, it hits hard“

Oh gosh this is what I am trying to anticipate. Especially when she will talk to other kids who are way funner than Mom

Hang in there!! Hoping it will stick for both of us!

 

[robtarc]

@mike247 Hey there. I’m also living in Switzerland.

Honestly, I have zero worries about my kid joining a swiss german daycare without any prior german skills. I know of many many parents where this has been an easy smooth transition and a baby picks up the german quite fast. My baby will start daycare at 9 months.

I would absolutely not require them to speak English to your kid. Them speaking French is OPOL because they don’t mix the language of the kita and confuse your kid. You also do her no favours by keeping French away from her if she indeed has to grow up in a french speaking area.

 

[mike247]

@robtarc Hi! Thanks for your reply. Grüezi

I have no doubts that babies/toddlers pick up a language fast. I was mainly worried about the integration, since my baby is now 16 months, starting day care at almost 18 months and understands so much in English quite well. Just today, I saw her blank out when we are with family members that speak only French.

Maybe I misspoke if you believe that I want to keep her away from French. I definitely don't. I think that she will acquire French quite easily, given that it is the community language. I was just hoping for the daycare to do the integration with a bit of English to ease her into it, all while transitioning to French. Though they do sign language so we have this at least

 

[robtarc]

@mike247 The sign language is awesome, I have to ask my kita about that!

I get what you mean. You will do a 2 week introductory period so you will be able to see how well they can communicate with her right? Will be interesting in a few weeks time to hear if you’re feeling it’s going better than expected or not. I actually had the opposite conversation with my kita where I wanted to make sure they don’t speak English or French or other languages around/to the kids. I’m worried my daughter will be confused enough with 3-4 languages.

16months zoning out in a french group is normal I think. I would expect she starts to pick up the most important words when she gets one-on-one attention from someone who is trying to meet her needs.

 

[chamberlain94]

@mike247 Our area has a large Turkish diaspora and many have limited exposure to the community language before daycare. Where I live it's fairly rare to be a stay at home parent, so the default is that past the age of 1 year the vast majority of children are in daycare full time. This of course also shapes the experience of new children starting in daycare (if it's completely standard to be a SAHP on your area, the experience may be different).

My husband did one of his internships (pedagogical degree) in a daycare, and his observation was that at that age it wasn't the language as much as the lack of actually going to daycare that made it hard for some of these kids to have a good integration period/made it really long before they were comfortable. There were other children who shared their language and cultural background so they did have peers from similar family environments.

Those who were there one day per week or a few hours here and there generally had a harder time because the time it took to get to know their caregivers and the other children and build a meaningful relationship was basically just spread out over a much longer period of time, and they were absent enough that the other children who were there full time didn't count on them being there.

It's also more difficult for the other children to seek out a new child to initiate play if the "new" child seems to be in distress a large part of the time they are in daycare because they aren't used to it. It was a social disadvantage of being part time in the group dynamics of a full time care environment rather than a language barrier.

 

[xrho]

@mike247 I don’t think language will be the barrier. My little started nursery at 11 months, but then had a long break during covid, which coincided with her language explosion. When she started again she had about 50 words in her 2 minority languages, but none in English (community language). She had passive exposure as my OH and I speak English to each other. It took her only a couple of weeks for English to become her main language.

 

[mike247]

@xrho Thanks for your reply. I am hoping this is the case

 

[wantingtoknow]

@mike247 Hey! Let me just chime in with some more reassurance. My kid had a similar experience. She started daycare at 14 months (full time). Until that moment her contact with German had been very minimal and he strongest language was and still is mine, Spanish (her Dad talks to her in yet another language). She learnt so much German in the following 5 weeks that I was convinced German would be her dominant language by year's end. She even sung songs! In German! Alas, the pandemic hit and she pretty much forgot German (or did she?) during the lockdowns. Again and again she would go back to the daycare and come back singing about Katzen and Schnee and Gd knows what else.

It makes me so sad to think of 10 year old you, and so many kids around that age that are confronted with such a change. And the unempathetic adults telling each other that "the little ones will be fine, they are like sponges". I'm not going to presume to know what a toddler feels. But I did see my little one. She was sad at drop off, she cried, our adaptation lasted forever. And I also saw the other, monolingual little kids and their moms. I'm certain we didn't have a harder time than the others. Starting daycare is hard for everyone at that age.

And regarding your husband speaking English: I think that's great! Kids that do minority language at home have slightly better chances to actively use both languages when they grow up (de Houwer 2007).

Further advice: keep at it! You're doing great. Read a lot of books together.

Edit: about adding a 3rd language: start as soon as possible when the kiddo is doing ok at daycare. I'd also do a little picture book per day and take it from there. You can find more tips on starting home languages at different ages in the Peach guide for parents: https://bilingualfamily.eu/resources-for-parents/

 

[mike247]

@wantingtoknow Thank you so much for your reply. It was very reassuring!

More particularly, thank you so much for the kindness that can be felt through your words. I have been anxious for different reasons as a new parent. It is so helpful and comforting when other parents are encouraging, kind and empathetic.

Thank you for the ressources and the documentation as well!

Enjoy your multilingual kiddo and journey!

 

[wantingtoknow]

@mike247 Glad to be of help! Best of luck.

 

[drcao]

@mike247 I would do Filipino now from you. The sooner the better because it becomes more and more difficult to switch once you and your child have established a relationship in a particular language.

I would not be worried at all about your child’s French. If you want her to speak Filipino, you need to do OPOL - English dad, you Filipino. Community French. She will be perfectly trilingual.

(I am Filipino myself and spoke to my daughter since birth in Filipino even if I found it extremely awkward. I was constantly checking the dictionary for everything. She is five and speaks like she grew up in the Philippines, even if we live abroad. She also speaks my husband’s language perfectly as we did OPOL from birth.)

 

[mike247]

@drcao Hi there kabayan, thanks for your reply! I think my child and I have already established our anglophone relationship. I have a particular love for the English language, growing up as an expat several times over and always an outsider in the Philippines… it was my language of refuge I‘m also especially fond of anglophone literature, and it‘s something that I was looking forward to sharing with my kid.

However, I feel like language is so important in identifying with a culture. I grew up having a lot of Filipino friends who didn‘t speak it and I found it really sad.

Ok that was totally oversharing haha. Unfortunately, boyfriend doesn‘t speak English well enough for him to take over (probably B2).

The best I can do is several half days or a full day in Tagalog per week, plus the grandparents over Facetime. I doubt this is enough though…

It is so great for your kid though!!!

 

[winbuildsend]

@mike247 My daughter was in the same situation as we only spoke to her in English since birth but was exposed to French ( we lived in France), she started daycare 3 days a week at 18 months ( in French) and immediately picked up French !
It actually became her main language despite us speaking English to her!
Her will to communicate with others was stronger I suppose.
She didn’t show any stress or tiredness, it went very well!