A kid threw a rock at my 3 year old

otter63

New member
My son goes to a soccer practice down the road for 2.5-3.5 year olds. At the start of term, a new child (N) joined and immediately started causing drama. N looks like he’s four, but might just be a really tall 3. His method of interacting with other children is to stand directly in their faces and when they back away, he pushes. Anyway, first practice of the term he starts pushing my kid, who puts up his hands and yells “no, stop, don’t touch me.”N doesn’t stop. My kid runs out of practice and sits with me until he feels safe again. N starts bothering other kids. Coaches try to focus him on the practice. N appears to have no caregiver present. (This is not a drop-off class.) Near the end of practice my kid is doing a dribble/shoot drill. N runs up to him and shoves him down. My kid lets out a tiger roar and flying tackles him. Coach separates them and has N sit out the rest of practice (still no caregiver.)

At this point all the kids have learned to stay away from N. Today he pushed 4 separate kids, but he seems to really focus on mine I think because he’s quite small for his age. I intervened twice. A woman who could be N’s mother or grandmother came over and said something to him, but didn’t really intervene at all.

After practice a group of kids plays in the garden as long as it’s not raining. N comes out to join. Kids are kind of avoiding him- he’s snatching toys, sticks, etc. we have a lot of “we don’t snatch, behave kindly, etc” chats. N’s caregiver comes out and we try to speak with her, but she speaks no English and didn’t seem able to use google translate when we offered it. My kid and a few others decide to play “fish,” which is a game where they lay on the ground and flap like fish. N runs up to my son with a rock in his hand and baseball pitches the rock down onto his cheek. Immediate, massive welt appears. N’s caregiver kind of bats at N to shoo him but there’s zero other discipline and another mother and myself spend the rest of the playtime physically separating N from our kids.

First off I’m just furious. I’m so lucky my kid isn’t in a&e right now. I’ll be moving him into another class so they don’t have as much interaction, but I wonder if I should email the course director about this kid’s behaviour for everyone’s safety, especially as I suspect N will age up into the next class next term.. obviously I would prefer to deal with the parent but the total language barrier makes it impossible.
 
@otter63 Can't hurt to message the director or at least talk to the coach if the kid is that disruptive. Guarantee that's not how the coach wants to spend his/her practice time, and if the kid is that far off the rails he's not getting much out of it either.

My youngest was kinda like N at that age bc he has pretty severe ADHD and sensory issues. It's hard to be the parent of a kid with behavior issues, especially when they're young and you don't know what's going on. That said, you would have seen us redirecting him five thousand times, and then surfboard carrying him kicking and screaming outta there. Sounds like that caregiver is overwhelmed or oblivious. (He's fine now, thank you therapy and Ritalin, and he is a functional member of his soccer team ;).)

Sorry. Glad your guy is okay. He sounds like a cool kid.
 
@d2west I did chat with the coach after the first incident; he’s like 22 and very much still in the youth stage but I think he’s got a good head and I was pleased with his responses. He’s also managing 10 2-3 yos at any given moment but I think he tries very hard.

I’m so glad to hear your son is doing well! The inaction of his caregiver totally floored me. I do think this child must have some SEN because the behaviors he exhibits are so aggressive but I wonder if it’s undiagnosed due to simply being new to the country.
 
@otter63 Absolutely message the director. N's behavior doesn't bother me nearly as much as his caregiver's inaction. You've tried communicating with the boy, and with the caregiver. The behavior hasn't stopped. It's not fair to the other children or N for this to go on.

Glad your boy is okay. Hope N gets the help he so obviously needs
 
@texaseyes7 I’ve sent the director an email and have a call with them tomorrow- football/soccer is very competitive as an industry here so I think they’re taking it quite seriously. I don’t want the kid to get kicked out but I really do worry for the safety of other children (and frankly for this child because a kid bigger than mine will hit back eventually)
 
@riskyboots It’s done- I think/hope they’ll take it quite seriously as they’ve scheduled a call now for tomorrow. It is a safeguarding issue I think with the lack of oversight from the caregiver
 
@otter63 Good. It is not a drop-off program. Like…my kid? He’s THAT kid. He’s the kid who body-blocked others and wouldn’t let other kids play their own games and threw toys and rocks and sand and dirt. And we knew this, so he went NOWHERE without our direct supervision, unless the person taking him was aware of this and willing to intervene. Shit, I felt bad sending my kid to school sometimes as he got older.

Guess what (me talking to caretaker of that kid)? Parenting is hard. But NOT parenting? Failing to correct your kid when they’re an asshole? That’s a LOT harder in the long run, on everybody
 
@otter63 I'm sorry about your poor lil guy. It's hard when you're dealing with this kind of stuff because you wanna intervene but you also gotta trust the little one will know what to do. You did the right thing though. I see from the comments you emailed the director.

Sounds like N has an abusive family or at least an abusive father. Kids don't usually act like that unless they have a consistent example.
 
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