7 year old using the N word

[isacco]

@easternorthodox My 5th grade did that book too, so sad.

 

[workinprocess]

@chakra12 Race matters here, which you haven't chosen to specify.

Because if a Black kid has learned the word, there are different implications as there has been a large push to reclaim the word.

If your child is white, you need to question where they learned this word to begin with and put a stop to it IMMEDIATELY. Let me be perfectly clear--either you can teach her why the word shouldn't be coming out of her mouth, or someone else can--and I guarantee that that other person isn't going to be nice about it. Because it is very much, a fighting word.

 

[missmyluv]

@chakra12 Definitely definitely check where she heard it and correct them as well!

 

[katrina2017]

@chakra12 Well, she can get expelled, lose a job, get kicked off a sports team, and even be charged with hate speech in some places for using that word. So I'd say it's ok to emphasize that the consequences are worse. You can also call the school and ask them to do some extra educating in this space if you think she learned it in school.

 

[katrina2017]

@chakra12 Look into where she’s learning that!

 

[zoeyy]

@chakra12 I think you should get a hold of her teacher to let them know what is possibly being said in the class room. They can then let other parents know so (hopefully) other parents can talk to their kids about how harmful this word is. If she isn’t fully grasping why it’s wrong then it’s time for a history lesson.

 

[mcorton]

@chakra12 Where did she learn it? Children just repeat what they hear. Remove the source, end of story

 

[ptah]

@mcorton These kinds of things I think people read too much into. Unless you're lucky enough to live in a completely isolated bubble all it takes is being momentarily exposed to like a PG-13 movie or the radio. "Getting rid of the source" is insanely hard compared to say, just explaining why it's not a great word to be using.

 

[xaydungsongnam]

@chakra12 The word is vile. But I don't think punishing them when they had no idea is right personally. Tell them it's a horrible word, why, and why you don't ever want them to use that again. She probably heard it on TV/ YouTube etc. Kids are sponges.

 

[adamlftm]

@chakra12 Have you explained why it is such a bad word? My son is only 4 but for the most part, explaining why we do/don't do something is my first call. If it's something with the potential to injure/damage someone/thing than I growl to freeze him then reassure him with he isn't in trouble because he didn't know better and that because he listens 100% to my growly voice sometimes I use that voice to keep him safe. Sometimes I over simplify a little, as he is only 4.

"In the carpark you need to hold my hand and stay with me because Big Cars can SEE Big Ma but Big Cars can NOT SEE Little Son. You holding my hand means they won't run you over since they can see where to avoid me."

After watching an episode of Law and Order SVU about white supremacy when I thought he was asleep, the next day when he didn't get his own way, he called me C**n.
"We don't use that word, EVER. That is a very mean word to make people like us feel sad. That's like hitting someone, not allowed." It's been a year and he hasn't said it since so hopefully he remembers. Especially as the school he is at is a melting pot of religion and ethnic backgrounds.

 

[kiah]

@chakra12 Ask her what the word means and in what context she heard it being used. If she doesn’t understand the meaning you can have a conversation around that. If your child has empathy and understands the meaning of the word they can do a good job of choosing whether or not to use the word and face the consequences if they use it. I think this helps as kids grow and pick up new words and want to test them out for shock effect. I ask my kids not to use words that they don’t understand the meaning and to ask if they’re not sure. Good luck!

 

[npcnxumalo]

@chakra12 The N word is not tolerated from children and or adults. Especially adults because they should know better by now.

I am curious of your race, I’m confused as to why nobody asked and or why you never stated it.

People may think it doesn’t matter, but it does. I say this because if a black child says the word, yes it is wrong but the Black Community has ignorantly tried to take the word back. I don’t agree because I don’t think anybody should say it. It’s never been a word of endearment for me. I experienced being called the N word by a white kid in middle school. It was only after being transferred to a predominantly white school. I hated it, I graduated from the same school system. I experienced so much racism there and it was extremely hard not to internalize it. I had teachers tell me I was a different type of black person that they weren’t use to. Micro aggressions are just as bad as well as colorism.

If you are white, it’s very problematic. If you don’t say it at home people will think that you do. Personally if I heard a white child saying it, I would blame the parents. Also I was the type of child that if a white person said it to me I’d slap them because again you should know better. I never tolerated racism. The N word from a white person is the worst thing you can say and for that I would slap the dog shit out of them so they would second guess ever saying that shit again.

I hesitated even making a comment on this thread because the N word is a very sensitive topic for me. However I feel like for a 7 year old to be saying it is alarming. You need to address that immediately. Since schools aren’t properly addressing it because they barely understand it themselves you need to. Going to a predominantly white school and having white teachers try to tell me about racism and discrimination was an epic fail. I don’t speak for the entire Black Community, yet I was always made to be the show dog and spokesperson because I’m black.

Make sure you are properly educating your child about what that word means. I always say I hate the word because that’s more and likely the last word Slaves heard before dying. Before most black people heard before dying even after slavery was “abolished”. Imagine that, under those inhumane conditions being enslaved your entire existence. Being Severely beaten, ripped from your country and family, having your child taken from you and never seeing them again, stripped from your language and culture, enslaved, renamed and having every right taken from you. Put it that way, I’m sure they will rethink saying it.

“Punishment” isn’t the answer because they don’t understand why. But they can read and watch a bunch of documentaries on the topic instead.

 

[malchiang]

@chakra12 I was 5 when I used the N word, and it was in reference to a janitor at the childcare center I was at. I told my Dad that I didn't want to talk with him (the janitor) because he was a N-word, repeating what someone else said on the playground. My Dad made me talk with the janitor, admit what I said, and apologize. The janitor was one of the nicest people on the staff and was very understanding. My dad also educated - to my level of understanding at that age - me on the word. I think this was an appropriate way to handle the situation, as I will never forget it and it helped me in the future as I learned the complexity and history of the word further.

 

[katrina2017]

@malchiang Disagree. Unless you said it TO the janitor or near him, and then apologized to him then I don't think it was right to put that on him. What was he supposed to do with that info? He didn't have to have his day ruined by your father telling him you called him that word. He should've told you why it was wrong and that's it.

 

[%CE%9C%CE%B1%CF%84%CE%B8%CE%B1%CE%AF%CE%BF%CF%82]

@katrina2017 Yeah, agree on this. It's not fair to hurt other people to prove a point to your kid.

 

[malchiang]

@katrina2017 Your opinion is fair. I don't believe his day was ruined by my dad having me take ownership of the use of a bad word. The way I understand or remember this was that he appreciated the acknowledgement and the act of the apology, as it wasn't the first time it had happened around the center in a more direct way. That being said, it is very possible that he was being very kind and it did ruin his day, and this has given me something to think about.

 

[delistuff]

@katrina2017 Is your day ruined every time a child says something hurtful?

 

[katrina2017]

@delistuff It's not about being hurt by their words, it's about having to say "oh no it's fine" (because really what else are you gonna say?) to someone who clearly just wanted to feel better about themselves or their kid being assholes.

And like, pardon me if I don't appreciate getting called racial slurs? It's not the same as getting called an idiot, a moron or a bitch. If your kid called me a beaner or in this case a ni**er, and I didn't actually hear them, then no I wouldn't appreciate you informing me of it. I wouldn't feel sad, just angry.

 

[zxczxczxc]

@chakra12 Is it inappropriate to ask about region and ethnicity?

I feel this is a much different conversation inner city vs suburban/rural and equally different if black versus not. And really thinking about it, US or not because...yeah.

 

[jenib]

@zxczxczxc I’m really surprised I had to scroll so far to find this question. My family is interracial and we’ve definitely had to have different conversations with different kids about the word despite explaining to all of them the history of the word and our feelings about it.