7 year old using the N word

[siyyon]

@katrina2017 The only place I can remotely think about where this word could come from is to kill a mocking bird and I really don’t think that is taught in elementary school…

Edit: To those commenting, if someone did not grow up with that word being a common word heard, why would it be surprising that they may assume the same for someone else? To kill a mocking bird was my only experience where that word was ever used in a school minus a few peers, and I grew up in a white saturated area, so no, that word was not very important to me when I was 7 years old.

 

[nicole1997]

@siyyon Tbh the majority of African American people I know use that word casually and often, including in front of their kids. If she has African American classmates she also could have heard it from them.

 

[katrina2017]

@nicole1997 Or a racist kid. There are a lot of options.

 

[nicole1997]

@katrina2017 Oh definitely. Well at 7 it would be more likely a kid parroting a racist parent, but I get what you’re saying!

 

[theastimani]

@siyyon You’re telling me you’ve never seen it in a movie, or perhaps heard a song, or perhaps even heard it used as a casual greeting in your entire life? I find that hard to believe unless you don’t live around black people and don’t consume any american media

 

[siyyon]

@theastimani First off we are talking about a 7 year old's perspective not my own. Secondly I did not actively hear that word until high school. I just did not grow up in an area with a lot of culture in any senses.

My elementary school was heavily white, do you believe that teachers would allow that word to be used casually?

 

[jjsu1991]

@siyyon WTF are actually saying. To Kill a F’ing Mocking Bird is where the N word came from. Learn some history ASAP!!!

 

[siyyon]

@jjsu1991 I grew up in a mostly white area, where the first time I heard students casually say it was in high school. Is it really that weird to think that a book was the first time kids could have been exposed to that word?

 

[mator]

@chakra12 In line with some of the other comments, maybe you could find a book telling the story of a black child/person who is called a name and how much it hurts.

 

[katrina2017]

@chakra12 You need to have a very serious conversation with your daughter. If she's old enough to say it, she's old enough to learn to NEVER say it.

You've told her it is unacceptable. I'm going to assume you told her why it's unacceptable. That's it. No more warnings, no more second chances. There really is nothing worse than racist or homophobic language. Fuck pales in comparison. Every time your child uses hate speech, it must be treated as the serious offense against BIPOC people that it is.

While your post here makes it clear that you find this language totally unacceptable, there are social implications. To be completely honest with you as another parent, the first time I heard your child use that type of language would be the last time I would ever allow my children to be around them. I would also unfortunately (and in your case unfairly) make some judgements about the type of attitudes allowed and encouraged in your home. My experience tells me that persistent language such as this is usually due to the language used at home. Even though that doesn't seem to be the case here, I would have no way to know that.

As a teacher, the first time I heard that, we would have a very serious class discussion about language, and you would get a phone call. In my school division, continuing to use such language after calls home and consequences at school, is considered worthy of being suspended.

I'm sorry to sound harsh, but this really is something you need to extinguish as quickly as possible for your daughters sake, but also for those BIPOC children around her.

 

[katrina2017]

@chakra12 Does she know what she is saying? When I was little I thought I was saying chigger, but I was not. A teacher questioned me and I explained and they corrected me. I didn’t get in trouble because they knew I was a good kid with good parents and the teacher knew I was not meaning to say the n word.

Make sure she isn’t trying to say chigger, digger, tigger or something else before getting on to her. 7 year olds mix words up. Shit, I mix words up and I’m almost 30.

 

[jesse8081]

@katrina2017 Similar thing happened to me when I was a kid. We were doing a crossword puzzle. The question was "river in Africa". The answer was "Niger". I pronounced it wrong and I had never heard that word before. Needless to say, it was a teaching moment for my parents.

 

[kdr95]

@katrina2017 I had this experience with the word "queer". I could tell something was wrong from her demeanor, but my teacher first asked me what I thought it meant. "Weird or funny", I thought. I hadn't said it in a mean way. I don't remember what she said after that, but I wasn't in trouble. Also didn't use the word again, even in the nice way.

 

[katrina2017]

@kdr95 Aww. I very clearly remember the word queer being in my elementary school thesaurus. I’m glad you didn’t get into trouble. How were we supposed to know?

 

[techhero2]

@chakra12 We had a moment when my 6 year old repeated a racist comment he heard somewhere (we never figured out where). I flipped on him - I very rarely get angry without warning but I did that time. My reaction was enough that he knew he fucked up and hasn’t said it again. I emailed the school and after care to ask them to be on the lookout for comments at school and we confirmed the child blocks we had on his iPad. Sadly, the comment my child made was very similar to a major political parties slogan and he said it right after the election. It was impossible to tell if he was just making a logical leap (saying the obvious inference from the commercial) or repeating something he heard on the playground. We have had a ton more conversations about racism since then and made sure we have included more topics about diversity around the dinner table. So far, so good.

 

[keithfin007]

@chakra12 This is a tough one. I tell my son there are curse words that we don’t use in our house and then there are hate words, which can cause pain and suffering towards people. I’ve always stayed calm when he’s asked me about words he’s heard.
The N word came up one day and I went hard on that one. I told him that word isn’t just a curse word. It is a hateful word that should never come out of his mouth. He asked why. I asked him what he’d learned at school during BHM and MLKjr celebrations (I wanted him to tell me bc I am not a minority I’m reluctant to tell a story that I haven’t experienced). He knew enough age appropriate info about segregation and slavery from school. So, I just added that during those times, the N word became a disrespectful term and his eyes got wide. I think/hope he “got” it.

Good luck. All we can do as parents is try our best to make loving, caring human beings. We win some and lose some. Hope you’ll “win” this one.

 

[timco35]

@chakra12 My 4 year old called me a bitch the other day. I don't use that word and neither does my wife so it was shocking.

 

[katrina2017]

@chakra12 Have you explained why that word is bad? I have a 7 year old myself, she does swear occasionally and i don’t really mind as I swear too, and she knows she’s only allowed to swear at home with me, but if she used that word I’d explain to her why she shouldn’t say it and honestly, she’d be mortified once I’d explained and I know she wouldn’t use it again. She doesn’t swear to be cruel, she usually just drops the odd swear word in jest, so knowing the history of that word would really deter her from using it.

 

[pamelav]

@chakra12 Does your daughter have any friends or family who are black? Maybe explain to her how that word is meant to hurt and demean people that she cares about. I'm on board with the "sad" word explanation.

 

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@easternorthodox Another story of just not knowing what it means as a kid:

I was about 12, and we had moved from a predominantly Hispanic city with very few Black folks to a town that was about 50/50 white/Black (I'd be considered white). So I started hearing people throwing the N word around casually, which is something I'd never encountered before. Literally no one said it where we had moved from and we weren't reading things in school that included it yet so I just genuinely didn't know. One day, I got tired of just being completely out of the loop on it and asked my mom in line at McDonald's, "mom, what does n---a mean?" The look on her face was beyond shock, and in the moment, I just got "don't say that!" Of course, she explained when we got back in the car and I immediately never said it again.