@truthandpeace My in laws wanted us to take a 10h drive one way at 4 months old to visit them for Christmas in a house with 2 very loud dogs that have no concept of personal space with humans. "Yes I will sacrifice whatever little sleep I get to deal with that mess." /s
“WhEn ArE yOu gOnNa BrInG tHe BaBy tO mY hOuSe??”
- Thread starter truthandpeace
- Start date
@truthandpeace It’s been 16 months and we still haven’t brought my son to my in-laws house 
Don’t feel bad to say no! Tell them you’re not interested in travel right now and visits can happen at your house until baby is older / you feel ready.
Don’t feel bad to say no! Tell them you’re not interested in travel right now and visits can happen at your house until baby is older / you feel ready.
winone4thegipper
New member
@truthandpeace I feel you! I had a friend who always wanted me to come to her. She would complain my baby would get into her stuff. Sometimes she would cancel last second AFTER I HAD EVERYTHING PACKED AND US ALL READY TO GO. it was so infuriating because it’s really stressful to get the toddler (baby at the time) all ready and stuff. Needless to say I couldn’t continue the friendship.
@805margie Yes! I've been telling my mom this ever since my son was born. She thinks I'm overreacting but hey, he's my kid, my rules. She thinks spraying some stuff on her clothes after smoking will suffice. No, no it won't.
truthandpeace
New member
@805margie Yes! My partners grandma smokes and I said we won’t be visiting them for awhile, just stepping inside to use the bathroom will smell your clothes up
katrina2017
New member
@truthandpeace My son is 5M and I still 100% agree with this. We still haven’t gone to our families houses as they live a little over an hour away… they aren’t thrilled about it but honestly you want me to pack all this stuff and hello naps?! My son isn’t going to just fall asleep anywhere anymore. No thanks, we always tell them they are welcome here.
alwayssuprised
New member
@truthandpeace How about my long time family “friend” who is currently pulling passive aggressive Facebook posts and texts because I refuse to bring my almost two year old on a 2 hour drive to her bfs house that they chain smoke in. They literally do not realize or care because it is not convenient for them to care.
@truthandpeace Big Italian Familt.My cousin is in her 60s. She has her fam/grandkids/vacation plans, and I hadn't heard from her in 8 years, since my sister's wedding. We lived 3km apart.
I quietly sold my house in the city 4 years ago, moved one hour north to a more rural community, found a guy, had a baby and kept to myself, intentionally. My mom told her about the baby in conversation once, and she actively posts on FB about how the family is growing, she needs to come see the baby etc. I knew her intentions were empty & likely a plan to pry as to if we are married or why not. My mom told her I moved, she was aghast that I would move so far away from their family... her tone changed to "ok so, when are you guys bringing the baby over on my FB". Sorry it's not convenient for you anymore.
I enjoy the blunt " we don't go that way anymore", with no invite beyond that. I guard my private life like a fortress.
I quietly sold my house in the city 4 years ago, moved one hour north to a more rural community, found a guy, had a baby and kept to myself, intentionally. My mom told her about the baby in conversation once, and she actively posts on FB about how the family is growing, she needs to come see the baby etc. I knew her intentions were empty & likely a plan to pry as to if we are married or why not. My mom told her I moved, she was aghast that I would move so far away from their family... her tone changed to "ok so, when are you guys bringing the baby over on my FB". Sorry it's not convenient for you anymore.
I enjoy the blunt " we don't go that way anymore", with no invite beyond that. I guard my private life like a fortress.
@truthandpeace Ugh, yeah, plus you're still probably in the sleep-deprived stage, and if it takes 30 minutes each way to drive to friend's house, that's an hour you might've been napping otherwise. (I had a friend 30 min. away who doesn't drive, INSISTING that I should bring my newborn over to her house so she can watch the baby while I sleep.)
truthandpeace
New member
@astoria59 Yes this too!!
briiiyonce
New member
@truthandpeace Having dealt with this for the past 14 months since my son was born and now with another on the way, I'm telling you right now.... STOP CATERING TO WHAT OTHER PEOPLE WANT OR EXPECT. My in-laws live 5 hours away. They split since our baby was born. My FIL always says things about when is his grandson coming to visit? This man does NOTHING. he has no job, no responsibilities, zilch, yet in his mind we need to travel to him. The times that we have, he has been zero help. Like cannot feed the baby a bottle while I go take a shower. Is more concerned about calling his sister on FaceTime to show her baby than watching baby. Randomly inviting people I don't know to come meet my baby. MIL on the other hand has been down here numerous times since baby has been born. She would literally wipe my ass and breastfeed my child if she could. She cooks, she cleans, she tries so hard to make our lives easier and give us a break.
Having a baby is hard..no baby is the same and the stress and anxiety is a lot sometimes. The people you need around you are the ones who will help you out, not make your life harder or guilt you into facilitating a relationship with your child and them.
Also just want to add my parents are grandparents of the century. They live close and are always there, willing, and offering to help us out. My son adores them. Of course their physical closeness is a bonus, but when it comes to a child, picking up the phone, video chatting, asking to see the child in some form or fashion goes a long way to the parents and the child.
Having a baby is hard..no baby is the same and the stress and anxiety is a lot sometimes. The people you need around you are the ones who will help you out, not make your life harder or guilt you into facilitating a relationship with your child and them.
Also just want to add my parents are grandparents of the century. They live close and are always there, willing, and offering to help us out. My son adores them. Of course their physical closeness is a bonus, but when it comes to a child, picking up the phone, video chatting, asking to see the child in some form or fashion goes a long way to the parents and the child.
leerobinson
New member
@truthandpeace Unless my husband is with me, the only place I'm trying to go to is the grocery store...
truthandpeace
New member
@leerobinson Same!! That, and my mom had a bassinet and crib for the baby, I’m happy to take him to my moms house. I also don’t mind taking him to my friends houses that have kids his age, because they already have everything I need at their house lol
brianwrites15
New member
@truthandpeace Totally, very annoying!! Also my friend and sister also have babies around the same age but I work from home (they don't work at all) and they invite me over midday when I'm trying to work while taking care of my baby like, no? I have shit to do. If you want a play date you can come here, I literally have everything for babies so it's not like you actually have to bring much and not a big deal if you forget something.
katrina2017
New member
@truthandpeace Ok but there is an upside of going through the newborn phase realizing you've got a circle of friends and family who aren't willing to make the drive to see your kid, but are willing to ask you to drive. You've officially got so many less people you need to do shit for!
Yeah it's heartbreaking to see how little effort people are willing to put forth. BUT you're off the hook officially for putting forth effort for them!
I moved to the other side of town before having my son, and i felt so sorry for myself that pretty much no one was willing to make the drive. But looking back, now that he isn't a newborn, I would do it all over the same way. I am officially liberated from guilt trips forever. I put myself out again and again for people who did not show up for me during my hour of need, and now I will only put myself out for my kid.
Yeah it's heartbreaking to see how little effort people are willing to put forth. BUT you're off the hook officially for putting forth effort for them!
I moved to the other side of town before having my son, and i felt so sorry for myself that pretty much no one was willing to make the drive. But looking back, now that he isn't a newborn, I would do it all over the same way. I am officially liberated from guilt trips forever. I put myself out again and again for people who did not show up for me during my hour of need, and now I will only put myself out for my kid.
truthandpeace
New member
@katrina2017 My friend lives 40 minutes away and has an 8 month old and still made the drive to visit us. Yet, we have family and friends 10-15 minutes away that complain about coming to us. They’re doing a good job of filtering themselves out!
jfredmuggs
New member
@truthandpeace Don’t do a thing for anybody else before 2 months. Let’s normalize this!
@truthandpeace Even with an almost one year old who is super busy, taking her to a not baby friendly home is unnecessary and stressful. I feel like family should realize this....
@truthandpeace "Never, especially if you're going to behave like this.". And, then I hang up the phone.
But, that's because I'm kind of a salty b****.
At 6 weeks old, not only is my child not going and visiting people's houses, but I am not going and visiting people's houses. No. Hell no.
Also, if you want to visit, and I am 6 weeks postpartum, you are bringing dinner. Dinner. You are bringing a dessert. You are bringing food that I enjoy and can currently eat.
You're then going to do a load of laundry, unload and load the dishwasher, and probably run the vacuum cleaner. Maybe, just maybe. If I'm feeling nice, I'll let you look at the baby.
But, that's because I'm kind of a salty b****.
At 6 weeks old, not only is my child not going and visiting people's houses, but I am not going and visiting people's houses. No. Hell no.
Also, if you want to visit, and I am 6 weeks postpartum, you are bringing dinner. Dinner. You are bringing a dessert. You are bringing food that I enjoy and can currently eat.
You're then going to do a load of laundry, unload and load the dishwasher, and probably run the vacuum cleaner. Maybe, just maybe. If I'm feeling nice, I'll let you look at the baby.