“I do have it pretty easy! That is why I’m sticking with just the one!“

[sinfulchristian]

@placemat I think you handled it wonderfully! There was really nothing left to say. There is a certain mindset prevalent in the Midwest (and many other areas I'm sure) where if you are over the age of around 16 and are regularly relaxed and happy... YOU SIMPLY MUST NOT BE WORKING HARD ENOUGH! Happiness and ease is for holidays, vacations, and possibly during a style of retirement that 99.99999999% of human beings will never experience. They were the ones being pissy on a lovely day at a playground while spending time with the apple of their eyes. Sounds like you're doing just fine!

 

[cmq8775]

@placemat These people kill me and then as they're passing judgement their children are running in different directions, eating wood chips, or falling off of the slide.

I wait for these moms to finish talking trash and wait a good 2 or 3 seconds of dead time then casually point out their kid doing something that requires their attention. Watch them scurry off while I go play with my kiddo.

Gtfo.

 

[marthaschramm]

@cmq8775 This is so funny and brilliant! I definitely going to do this

 

[jrchristian]

@placemat I'm 43. My son is 19yrs. Having one child was, by far, one of the smartest choices I've made.

I was able to create and maintain a good life for my family by keeping it to one. We aren't rich but my husband and I both have good jobs, and having the expense of only one allows us to own a home and two vehicles, easily pay our bills and save for retirement, and go on nice vacations. The only debt we have is a mortgage and my student loan.

We've been able to help our son with a car, school, health insurance, moving out, etc. I can afford to take him grocery shopping and spend $150 if he needs me to. We've been able to take him to six countries so far and he's seen/experienced things most adults won't ever get to. Especially with Covid, I'm so glad we can afford to pay his health insurance so he's covered just in case.

My husband and I are also able to spend the evenings together and have the house to ourselves now. We aren't stressed or overly tired. We don't have two or three more years with a teenager living at home. I can sleep in on the weekends and get up and have coffee and read.

I'm glad I had a kid. He wasn't planned and I actually leaned more toward childfree. But, god he's a good kid and everything turned out great and I wouldn't change a thing. I know I was a better parent to one than I ever would've been to two. I always say "being OAD is the best of both worlds - you get to experience parenthood but also keep a little bit of the DINK lifestyle". I feel very smug about it too. Lol

Stopping at one is the best way to provide a better life for your whole family!

 

[wozwas]

@jrchristian Aw I really love this! My daughter is only 6 right now, but this is how I picture the future. I would love to provide her the same way you have provided for your son. I never planned on having kids either but had her when I was 22. It’s wonderful to hear someone with an older only being so happy with their decision! I’ve always known that I definitely couldn’t handle another. My wife and I are looking forward to spending time with her as an adult while also getting to enjoy the freedoms of the house to ourselves.

 

[jrchristian]

@wozwas Yay! I'm so glad

My pov is this: we don't live in medieval England. We don't need heirs or a large family to work the land anymore. We have vaccines so our kids aren't dying left and right of stupid, preventable diseases (hopefully). We don't need to have huge families; instead of 13 let's stop at a reasonable number. My "reasonable number" is 1.

It's also easier (for me). And why wouldn't I want to do things to make my life easier? If that seems selfish, so be it (I don't think it does); I think it's selfish to have multiple children if you can't give them the right care and I feel like most of the families I see doing that well have one child.

My son has seen the Mona Lisa and Michelangelo's "David" (we got a great pic. haha), he's been up the Eiffel Tower, deep-sea dived in Greece, toured the Anne Frank house (on his 17th birthday), had his first (legal) beer in Amsterdam, visited the Vatican and The Coliseum, and then all over the US too. Covid is the only thing stopping us from going anywhere new! I've actually encouraged him to be childfree. He's intrigued.

When he was younger we were able to enroll him in extracurricular activities (and not cheap ones!) and send him on an airplane multiple times a year to visit family. And, while this is all awesome, the best thing he got were parents who weren't stressed out and financially strained. We were able to foster things in him that were important to us. He was able to do normal, healthy, growing-human things: opportunities to bond with his peers and strengthen relationships with his family (mostly his grandparents, a few aunt's, and cousins).

Another bonus is it's easier to save for retirement with only one. My husband and I are socking away money, hand over fist, into our retirement accounts. We don't have to rely on our son to take care of us in our senior years (talk about selfish). We also plan on retiring in Costa Rica so he'll probably want to follow us anyway. Lol

Honestly, we are at the point where it's quality over quantity when it comes to parenting and child raising, imo. That's my philosophy anyway!

Sorry for the rant! It's my day off so I'm having a cocktail(s) with lunch. Cheers to OAD!

 

[ronny]

@jrchristian I’m considering being OAD and have a six month old son and just had to say I love your comment and POV. You seem so happy and fulfilled!!

 

[multiarms]

@jrchristian Had a question: It sounds like ultimately you really enjoyed OAD life, and the balance of the joys of parenthood with the balance of the rest of your life. What about your son makes you encourage child-free life for him?

 

[jesicajoy]

@placemat I am really against this notion that motherhood must be constant suffering or you’re not a “good” mom.

I have a good kid and I actually enjoy being a mom and yeah, it is pretty easy most of the time. Sorry not sorry.

 

[nataliewei]

@jesicajoy I’m reading this thread a full year after you commented on it but I just had to say I love your comment! My husband and I had a baby four months ago and he is the easiest, happiest newborn we’ve ever seen. We’ve been shocked by how easy things have been and no longer want more than one after saying for over ten years we’d never have an only lol

 

[derp]

@placemat Good for you! I love it!

 

[raffadalbo]

@placemat it took a looooot of unlearning for me to realize that this is not a selfish feeling

 

[katrina2017]

@placemat Look...misery loves company. The best way to one up these twats is to be unaffected by them. Let them stew in the shitty, unfulfilling lives they created for themselves.

 

[katrina2017]

@placemat Haha I said mindlessly at a wedding one time

Them: “so when is #2 coming along?”

Me: “oh, we’re just going to stick with one because it’s easier.”

Lol! And you know what? They weren’t even married, they have been together for two years. AND YOU KNOW WHAT?!? I didn’t ask them when they were going to tie the knot because I’m a good person!! I stayed out of their personal business and they still asked me about #2! I was actually a little shocked they asked considering I was pretty fucking awesome at not asking them about marriage.

 

[bcraig_6973]

@katrina2017 I usually reply , “ we are too poor”. I said that to my mil at least 5 times lul

 

[ladybleumoon]

@placemat I hate how parents think it’s a badge of honor when their life is so tough. Like you should enjoy your children. Good for you for being so Croce with your kid, that’s better parenting than sitting on a bench.

 

[prometheuslocke]

@placemat I wish I was there with you! I have a 2 year old and I'm up all over the playground with her, too

 

[charliess]

@placemat My 2 month old is literally the happiest baby and has been since he was born, he only cries when he wants a bottle and is extremely easy to settle, all it takes is me picking him up and he’s coolin. He’s currently sleeping 7-8 hour stretches, I have no issues putting him to sleep now that we have established a routine and he even slept through the night the other day. Everytime I see someone they are so quick to assume I’m exhausted being a new parent and while I don’t doubt as he ages somethings will get harder and some will get easier, but honestly I’m feeling pretty good and thankful he is such an easy baby. The first month was a little rough but it went by so quickly, honestly I wouldn’t want to jeopardize having another that is the exact opposite. I’ve always felt like women who are running on empty 9 times out of10 have more than one child. I commend those women for their strength and resilience but one is more than enough for me.

 

[arrow_24]

@charliess My kid didn't sleep more than 4h until she was 14 months old. She's 20m now and it physically pains me to read this, I'm still not over it Lol. I hope it stays easy for you!

 

[charliess]

@arrow_24 Sometimes I feel bad telling friends who are parents how easy he has been and it is for this exact reason. I would implode if he didn’t sleep for more than 4 hours until he was that age. Sometimes I feel super sleep deprived then I read comments like that and I’m just so grateful. Have you tried sleep training by chance? I have a friend who’s 1 year old was about the same as yours and her sleep issues were pretty much fixed when they started sleep training her. Sending you all the peaceful sleep vibes.