Will I regret only having 1 child?

[fallingapart]

I’m a mom of 1 beautiful, healthy, energetic baby girl. I often feel so content with just her and my husband that I think I don’t want anything to change. Then I question if I’m being selfish by not giving her a sibling to grow up with. Can I hear from parents and maybe only children on this one? What’s your experience and do you regret it?

 

[endquote]

@fallingapart Check out r/oneanddone and r/shouldihaveanother

Loads of people sharing their experiences as a/with a only child

Edit: spelling

 

[fallingapart]

@endquote just saw that page seconds after posting this…thank you for sharing the other

 

[marybelshe]

@endquote Th I second the one and done sub. Very helpful

 

[echo2788]

@endquote I also needed these!

 

[nmaddog46]

@fallingapart You don’t have a second child to give your first a sibling. You have a second child because your family doesn’t feel complete.

Siblings don’t always play well or have compatible personalities.

 

[muya]

@nmaddog46 I wish this simple test worked for us. But since first pregnancy was a stillborn boy, someone will always be missing from our family. No matter how many more we have.

 

[nmaddog46]

@muya Sorry for your loss. Your response is very intense. I hope you have received help to morn and grieve.

I believe there’s multiple threads about loss. Hope you find that peace you are needing.

 

[fallingapart]

@muya So sorry to hear that. I can’t imagine going through child loss after carrying them and bonding with them for so long. I hope that grief is not overwhelming everyday but I know that cant be easy to deal with. My pregnancy was great all around but it scares me that this could be a possible outcome. Again so sorry for your loss. Thanks for your input.

 

[little1]

@fallingapart I'm an only child and have an only child. I loved my childhood and never really wanted a sibling. Being an only meant my parents had the time and resources to spend with me, and we did most things together. As an adult I've also dealt with my father's death (I say this because it often comes up). Honestly, it was kind of easier without a sibling. My mom and I made EOL decisions, which was very difficult, but we were on the same page and didn't have to worry about looping in others. Same when it comes to the logistics of death and moving forward. If I had a super supportive sibling who agreed with me, then sure it would be helpful, but that's no guarantee. Often I've seen it go the other way when a parent dies, with one sibling vanishing or having a hard time with the change.

Initially, my husband and I planned on 2. It took longer to successfully have our daughter than we expected, but she's amazing. When it came time to try for a second, we realized our hearts weren't really in it. I also had something happen that made me realize I wasn't terribly interested in a second child. I love our life now and don't feel anything missing.

 

[jamisonbirdsong]

@little1 Do you mind sharing what happened that made you not interested??

I’m really on the fence. My son is 6 and I’m very happy.

 

[little1]

@jamisonbirdsong I had an early miscarriage. I had two second trimester losses before my daughter, so it wasn't my first rodeo, but my reaction this time both to the pregnancy and the loss was very different. When I realized I was pregnant I wasn't very happy about it. More than anything I was anxious and stressed. When I realized that the pregnancy had ended, my primary emotion was relief. I wasn't that sad, just frustrated and relieved. During my prior losses I was devastated and driven to try again

 

[jamisonbirdsong]

@little1 That makes total sense. I always feel an initial pang of jealousy whenever someone announces they’re having a second. I don’t know if I feel “less than” only having 1 but I’m trying to come to terms that I’m still a mom, even with 1. It really makes no sense and I have no idea why I feel like that.

Thank you for sharing. You have been through a lot and I know it probably makes you such an amazing mom to your daughter.

 

[fallingapart]

@little1 I really hope my daughter feels this way about her life. I will do my best to make sure we have a plan for EOL situations because that couldn’t have been easy on you and your mom. So sorry for your loss and the loss of your pregnancies as well. Thank you for your input

 

[anon527]

@fallingapart I only have one and don’t really regret it. He never wanted a sibling anyway. He’s not spoiled, is happy and content and is now 18 and ready to start forging his own future.

I’m quite happy just squishing all my friend’s new arrivals now and giving them back

 

[maryannmaria]

@anon527 I love your username.

 

[anon527]

@maryannmaria Makes me chuckle when I see it, Reddit blessed me with it too

 

[fallingapart]

@anon527 Idk who gave us the impression that only children are spoiled and weird because the ones I’ve met are such unique individuals. Way to go with your son and hope he does well with his future!

 

[tomorrowtoday]

@fallingapart I’m an only child and my mom is very confident in her decision to have one child. She’s always been very career and success driven. I’ve never heard my dad say anything about wishing he had another child either.

I don’t regret being an only child, because it’s a big part of who I am. The hardest part is not having a built in village of siblings. Not having aunts and uncles from my side. I went through a period where I was really sad about this, but now I’ve shifted my mindset to creating my own village.

 

[travis2014]

@tomorrowtoday Siblings don't always mean a built in village. My sister lives in another city and has watched our kid (4years old) once. My husbands brothers are both not responsible enough to be left alone with our daughter. We trusted the more responsible one once and that ended with a trip to the ER, because of his negligence.

My husband loved growing up with his brothers, but his parents were overwhelmed with the three of them.

My sister and I beat each other up regularly and I hated her. We started to build a relationship after I moved out.

We're one and done and it's starting to feel right for us.