Will i ever not be tired again?

A

acuriousgirl

New member
Our daughter is 2.5 and we have a small dog who requires a lot of attention/work. My husband and I work full time but I work some hours in evenings to reduce childcare expenses- edit- to clarify, I work shifts 12-8 a few days a week so that we can only pay for childcare 12-4 those days (mental health counselor), I don’t have another job .

Im so so so tired. I’m so tired in my bones. I’m so glad we aren’t doing this again, but God when will it get better? Does it ever get better? Do you ever get less tired? This is relentless. No family nearby to help and few friends. We get a babysitter when we can but it never feels like enough. Then if we were to get more Childcare I would be even more burdened by the massive amounts of guilt I have over not spending more time with my child .

When does it get better? Or any other tips or advice to help the time pass faster or be less tired?
 
@acuriousgirl I feel like I could’ve posted this. Same age kid, similar situation. We got 0 family to help, no village. The thing that really helps us is giving each other a break.

My wife and I give eachother as much time off to rest as possible. We’re basically taking shifts taking care of the kid at times. We’ll give eachother time to do our personal things, go to the gym, hobbies, travel, shop, etc.

It’s not really possible to do it with a 2.5 year old so we just live as normal of a life we can without the kid until he gets older.
 
@charlie319 At that age when I tried to go to the zoo or a museum, my kid would find the one grassy spot in the picnic area or the like and just start twirling and being her silly self as if it were a park, with no heed or interest to the other aspects of the experience. Or I would be holding her up to look at the animals and point at them talking to her about them and she'd look anywhere other than where I pointed.

Not worth taking them to those sorts of places until they're over 3 in my limited experience. Just an exercise in frustration otherwise.
 
@charlie319 That's exactly what we do. I'll take our toddler to the zoo, the park, a hockey game, etc...partly to entertain the little one, but very much so to give my spouse a break
 
@acuriousgirl I feel this. Everyday feels so predictable and taxing. Reading your situation, I think it’ll definitely get better once your child is school age. You’ll be able to stop working in the evenings to pay for childcare and your dog will be older and hopefully easier to take care of. That’ll be about 2 years from now. So all you have to do is get to that point. What are some things you can prioritize to make it easier until then? Maybe spending less money on certain things and quitting that extra job, or seeing if your husband can take on more of the dog chores since you are working more hours? Shuffle some responsibilities around until you reach a more sustainable workload. I feel like parenthood is especially tiring these first few years though so any time you can prioritize rest is good.
 
@acuriousgirl Yes. I was you I had and still have no village etc they live too far away to be available all the time. But as they get older they become more independent and whisper it....you may even start enjoying it! My little one is 5 and it was like after 4 she just got on with it. She likes doing stuff herself and she is happy to go off and play with her toys. When she is thirsty she goes grabs a cup and fills it with water best of all she wipes her own butt, flushes and goes off to wash her hands all with no input from me. Obviously it is not all rainbows and unicorns but the bad days are less and less hang on in there. Sending hugs.
 
@%D0%9E%D1%80%D1%82%D0%BE%D0%9D%D0%B0%D1%82%D0%B0 YES! As soon as mine turned 4 its like our kid suddenly became more manageable. At 5 now and I'm enjoying 90% of parenthood. Communicative, independent, wiping her own butt was a huge burden lifted from each day. Getting her own water, snacks if I've thought ahead to make them accessible for her to get herself. Better at listening and following directions and playing by herself.

OP it may feel like forever, but things will get easier in some regards in the next year for you, and then amazingly easier in the next 2 years. You're in the thick of it right now but know it will happen. Enjoy the snuggles and sweetness as much as you can right now, your child is about to start really expressing their personality in the next few years.

To me it's not so much as I'm not exhausted (I am) but I feel like it's now a different type of exhausted, with more of a feeling of reward to it. I go to sleep tired but I also go to sleep happy about how the day went. I worry less about whether I'm doing it right. I look forward to the weird little conversations I have with my kid. It's just a different type of parental exhaustion.
 
@acuriousgirl Hang in there! My daughter is 3 when she started preschool five days a week from 8:30-3pm and it was heaven. Prior to that she never had any daycare experience but everything worked well, I resumed to teaching part time and got my life back. Now looking back, those 3 years were hell but in the grand scheme of things it passed in the blink of an eye. Now she is 4.5, super smart, independent and like a real human. I promise you will get your life back once they go to school. If you can get them to pre-k at 3 years old it will do wonders for you both. I've been there.
 
@acuriousgirl It gets better :)

The 'grub phase' is really just about keeping them alive, but it gets more rewarding with each year. We've currently got a sassy as shit 14f keeping it real for us every day
 
@acuriousgirl Sorry, it's a term we use in our friend circle. Just the first year or 2, when they are essentially a fragile pupae/larva with very basic communication skills. They stay where you leave them & aren't yet crawling & climbing everywhere.

Yeah, the first few years are a bit of a write off, but then all the sleepless nights & work you put in early starts to pay off as they find their feet & become cool little humans to hang with :)
 
@acuriousgirl Definitely alternating childcare shifts with your husband as much as possible to give each other a bit of a break - maybe one of you getting a lie-in each at the weekend, or taking your daughter out during the day whilst the other rests. Even when both at home at the weekends and not resting, one of you can focus on the child and the other doing chores/admin round the house.

Also take a look at your daily routine so see whether there’s other things which can be avoided or slip for a while to give yourself a bit more downtime - maybe less bath’s a week etc??
 
@acuriousgirl I think it gets easier once your kid is older and doesn't need you to do everything for them. And they're not always putting themselves in danger, so you don't have to keep an eye on them always.

But here's what's unfair - as they get older, so do you, which means you're just more tired, as a result of your age. So, I think I'm tired often, but it's less due to parenting and more due to getting older.
 
@acuriousgirl Did it get worse and more tiring when your kid got older? My son is 10 months old and I’m pretty good, but he sleeps decent too, for now anyway… when I wean, idk … right now I sleep a bit longer when I feed him in the morning and sometimes he falls back asleep but idk what I’m gonna do when I wean him.

And also, I used to feel so so soo tired before I went Vegan, when I started eating plant-based, I felt way more energetic and less tired. I was really tired before I had a kid and before I went vegan, so I kind of just think that it’s my diet that made me feel less tired. Now as a mum of a 10 month old, I do a lot but I don’t physically feel tired.

The only time i felt tired and exhausted was when I first got pregnant and during postpartum
 
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