will have 4 under 2.2 y/o and I'm a bit overwhelmed and would love some advice

[plunkcat]

A quick background before some questions:

I've been married 8 years to my amazing wife. We had infertility issues and got treatment. The first treatment worked PERFECTLY and we had 1 healthy daughter. When she was 14 months old, we started round two with a slim change of twins and almost no chance of triplets. I should have bought a lottery ticket that night, because we're pregnant with non-identical triplets.

We're currently JUST about out of the first trimester.

Knowing we're going to have 4 kiddos under 2 years and 2 months old, I'm trying to do what I can do to plan for this exciting/terrifying time.

Advice Requested:
1. Strollers for 4 (or do we do a 3 & 1?)
2. Car that can hold for 4 car seats?
3. Help around the house: I've already got her a cleaner coming weekly and we're talking about getting in-home help for the first 6m to a year. What kind of help is best? Au Pair? Night Doula? Other?
4. How can I be an AMAZING husband to my wife who stays home? Women esp. what are some things your husband did that just made your world a better place to be?
5. I've heard NEVER refuse help, but are there any other tips when there are going to be twice as man inmates as guards?

Thanks in advance for your advice!

edit: typo

 

[giygas]

@plunkcat So, I created an account just to respond to you!

I have a 16 month old and am currently 27 weeks with twins so I don't have first hand experience with triplets or 4U2. I guess take my advice with a grain of salt.

1. We looked into triplet strollers because, as I stated, will have 3U2 and my 16 month old is definitely not old enough to just walk on his own when we go out. The twins will obviously need to be in a stroller so we thought maybe a triple stroller would be great. 1. Holy batman, they are expensive as fuck. 2. They are cumbersome as fuck as well. If you find one you love, then go for it if you have the cash! However, we couldn't so we settled into the fact that we will just not need ONE stroller. We have a single and a double and i also plan to baby wear one baby so that is still an option for you guys. iE you wear a baby and push a baby in a single stroller, your wife pushes two in a double stroller. Chances are, you're not going to leave the house on your own with all four kids so why bother with one stroller for all 4?
2. We bought a Chrysler town and country and absolutely love it!it could definitely fit 4 car seats (two in the bucket seats and two in back or possibly three across the back and your oldest in the bucket?)
3. Bless your heart for getting her a house cleaner. I wish we could have done that because your body becomes so worn down so much faster than you think it will.
4. As far as you being an amazing husband it sounds like you are on the right track! I stay home with our son and its the little things that really make my day. Like I said above, my body is just done at this point. I still have 10 weeks. It's devastating to me to not be able to be as hands on with our son or to be able to cook dinner some nights. My husband works his ass off all day then comes home and will make dinner and do bath time some nights; that small gesture alone means the world to me. I know he's tired, and I know he'd rather be relaxing but him remembering that I've had a particularly rough day or am not feeling well and taking it upon himself to pick up the slack means more than he knows I'm sure. Something to keep in mind for outside of the house: be an advocate for your wife and unborn children's health. Maybe I just have a particularly shitty doc, but I feel like we have had to work to get things done for our mo/di twins. Research as much as you can and keep yourself informed, your wife will really appreciate it.

Congrats on your triplets! You guys can do it!

 

[plunkcat]

@giygas Hey there!
I just saw this reply, and I cannot tell you how much I appreciate you taking time to write me.

Thank you for all of your advice. It is very very helpful. It sounds really tough, but it sounds like you guys are doing it. I kind of had the same thought about strollers, but I was unsure of other's experiences, so thank you for sharing that. We have a single bob right now, and so my thought was it was easier to do three and one versus two doubles, since the older one will be able to walk alongside the stroller pretty soon.

Thank you also for the minivan advice. I know that we will end up with a minivan, and it is great to hear a first-hand account from someone who owns the Chrysler.

Thanks also for the tips on being a good husband! Sounds like you got a good one!

Did you guys get any help from like a night doula or someone like that?

Thanks again for taking time to respond!

 

[giygas]

@plunkcat I totally feel you about the strollers, it's such a difficult decision and I don't know why it has to be that way! Something to keep in mind when looking at strollers that I forgot to mention (this is especially important because you have an older child) is to pay closeattention to the weight limits of each seat of the stroller. We looked at one where the second seat was only a max of 35 lbs, so my 30lb 16 month old would be cutting that really close.

We don't have plans to get a night nurse or doula..mainly because we don't have the budget for it and my mom will be taking off some time (2 weeks?) to help out so we should be all set. However, I think this is one of the areas where triplets vs twins is SUCH a huge difference. If I want to take a night feeding I can do it on my own--I can physically feed two babies at once. With three crying newborns..not so much. You're outnumbered, get as much help as you can get.

I've seen some bottles recommended for parents of multiples..they have a straw like attachment from the nipple to the bottle. Something similar to this: http://www.bonnybabies.com/feedinghf.htm

With my singleton, I would have turned my nose up if someone recommended those.. But with multiples, what works is what works and here go hell come to someone who tries to say otherwise.

 

[plunkcat]

@giygas wow- pro-tip for the stroller weight issue. I would not have thought about that. Thanks also for the tip on the bottles. I will check that out.

It seems that multiples are an experience and adventure all on their own and I'm with you- hard to take criticism from people who haven't experienced it.

 

[apachemom]

@plunkcat I haven't made time to reply in full, but we did use a night nanny and getting some sleep in every few nights was the best help I could have had. (Twins only). My husband (username notarebel) made a post about how we did things in the first 3 months that might be helpful, I don't know how to link to it from my phone but if you look at the top items for the year in this subreddit you should be able to reply. Our schedule has fallen apart post 3 months due to catnapping but worked very well in the beginning.

Also this is a very politically incorrect view here in australia but I wouldn't attempt breastfeeding with triplets and a toddler. If you are open to formula, see my husbands post about ways to streamline production. All the best.

Would say more but babies crying!

 

[plunkcat]

@apachemom Thank you so much! I will check out your husband's posts. Our doctor has been really pushing breastfeeding and I know there are benefits, but I'm going to leave that one up to my wife and support her 100% either way. She had mentioned pumping often and using that + formula to supplement what she couldn't pump, so that might be something.

The #1 reason that the night nanny recommended her service was that she will get and keep the kids on a schedule. She said something like "lots of great folks can take care of your kids, but I will get the eating, napping and sleeping on a schedule that you can keep when I'm gone."

That seems appealing to me since our first kiddo pretty much set the agenda and I know that won't work for the triplets.

 

[apachemom]

@plunkcat Our night nanny helped us push the schedule aggressively so we were able to move from 3 hrly feeds to 4 hrly feeds very quickly for prem twins. Was fantastic.