Wife is 7 weeks pregnant. When does the anxiety go away?

A

allenard77

New member
We are both mid 30s. We’ve been trying for years. We did three cycles of IVF and got 9 embryos. She became pregnant after the first transfer.

I am trying my best to stay level headed and I am reminding myself it’s too early to get attached, but it’s really hard when I am reminded what size fruit the baby is week by week.

It hit me hard during the 6 week ultrasound. Seeing it was fine, but hearing the heart beat made it real and at this point I feel I’m just as anxious as my wife and scared something is going to happen.

Been reading too many horror stories of miscarriages so I guess I just have myself freaked out and wanted to put my thoughts down.

When did the anxiety and fear is miscarriage lessen for you?
 
@allenard77 On my 40th birthday, my mother called me and told me that she thought that she could stop worrying about me, finally. I graduated from medical school at age 27.
 
@alyakim I was gonna say that my kid is 4.5 and the anxiety hasn’t subsided yet. But I think your mom worrying for you at 40 trumps me and my kid for 4.5.
 
@duane37 My stomach just plummeted thinking of making it 9 months only for it to be stillborn. I don’t think I’d have the strength to overcome that scenario. Here’s hoping to a healthy pregnancy and healthy birth.
 
@allenard77 Anything after 20 weeks is considered a stillbirth and not miscarriage. I’m sorry! I wasn’t trying to give you any reason to worry more! I was just telling you that the worrying never really stops, it’s part of the process. I promise that it gets better though!
 
@duane37 ... And after that you worry about them running into the
street and getting hit by a car

... Or choking while eating the same snack they've always eaten

... Or getting some weird fatal or life altering disease or disorder....

Or......
 
@boldpastor This helped me so much. I was a ball of nerves and I used this almost every day. Then week by week it gets drastically better and then before you know it, you’re holding them.
 
@allenard77 Your post hits me viscerally. I was exactly like this. Angry at 20 weeks my mom told her mom.

Our truth? It was about 5-6 months old the edge of anxiety came off. It was prematurity fears, then delivery, then baby weight and milk, and SIDS.

Then the reality for us as a couple with a long fertility journey is it didn’t let up without anti anxiety medication. One of
us is on it and the other isn’t. The one who is anti meds: it’s manifesting as anger, irritation, criticism and more.

It’s a long journey in parenthood. I’m at the beginning. But that soul crushing worry…there are ways that can lift it so you can experience more of the moments of joy. Take good care of yourself and your partner. Be patient and forgive and give grace. And learn about paternal PPD as well as PPD just for context.
 
@allenard77 Two time dad here. My oldest is 2.5

My anxiety changed.

Pregnancy - I was anxious that something was going to go wrong and we'd lose the baby.

0-3 Months - is he okay? Is this normal

Everything onward is just things like "am I doing enough? Should I be teaching him to do X? Does he have a problem with this or that?"

It's not all anxiety. You sound like how I felt and once the baby was born and I could see that he was okay, it got a lot better.
 
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