Always justifying how I take care of LO
- Thread starter andreea777
- Start date
@christbrah Oh, so baby wearing? For some reason I thought she meant a car seat. I'm tired..
christbrah
New member
@andreea777 Phhht, I still use baby tracker for sleep, meds, temperatures and food/liquid intake if she's vomiting, and my baby is five (years, not months)! It makes life easier, so what's the harm?
@andreea777 Maybe gently reminding her of this might help: she had her time to make the decisions when she raised you; it’s your turn now, that’s how it works.
You could say you know she means well, and she’s got lots of wisdom but you need to do it your way because it’s your time now.
The irony is that she’s probably trying to save you, her baby, from what she sees as a less easy path, maybe this gentle reminder that you’re in the driving seat on this now will be enough. If not, ignore her and keep it moving, you’re totally entitled to parent as you see fit.
You could say you know she means well, and she’s got lots of wisdom but you need to do it your way because it’s your time now.
The irony is that she’s probably trying to save you, her baby, from what she sees as a less easy path, maybe this gentle reminder that you’re in the driving seat on this now will be enough. If not, ignore her and keep it moving, you’re totally entitled to parent as you see fit.
@andreea777 I'm a sciency type so I always just blame it on science.
Back in their age they were told by doctors to do stupid and potentially harmul things and they trusted the doctors (who thought still in the 90s that newborns don't feel any pain lol... so let's not get into the stuff about spaced feedings and the ways Ferber's experiment was twisted and turned into letting your child cry till they vomit every night until they give up on their hope and trust in the world and caretakers).
Oftentimes our parenting is a mirror of their fails, but they didn't know any better and didn't mean harm yet they still feel hurt or sort of attacked by it and they try to keep calm with (you do it too so I feel less bad about myself) type of bad decision making.
So I like blaming it on science:
- "In the past they thought spaced feeding was best, but since they found out many moms were soon then unable to produce enough milk since milk supply depends on demand and they were forcefully limiting demand. Poor mothers who so desperately wanted to feed their crying babies but didn't because they were worried they'd cause colic. I feel for them so much. I'm so glad that now the recommendation is to breastfeed on demand."
- "In the past, it was thought that forcing the babe into uncomfortable situations and refusing to help was the best way to teach them independence and self sufficiency. Trying to teach these things is valuable so all parents followed. Now we however know, that these things can be taught more efficiently by being available and supporting the children if they ask for help. We also try to focus more on setting them up for success, so they don't need our help and interference. But the sole thought of knowing we're available gives them bigger peace of mind than we had previously thought and this had huge developmental benefits for them."
Other stuff you can explain by being personal choices and I just conclude "parenting is an experiment, each parent learns and tries to adapt and modify stuff to best suit their family and baby, thanks for being worried but I'm comfortable with the choices I'm currently making".
I usually use honest empathy, but my MIL can be quite snarky, annoying and obnoxious (her love language is being negativistic in words) so sometimes I'm sarcastic with her. Everyone was surprised I'm breastfeeding over a year and I would go "Oh my goodness, yeah pooor parents who weren't able to get that due to... " basically describing what I'm pretty sure nails her situation since she stuffed her children fat with sugar-filled mush every night till the doctor was worried about obesity even prior to 1st birthday due to dwindling milk supply.
Anyways, I'm both, polite and genuine and if they push I'm snarky and sarcastic.
We chose to try not to push the soother (in an attempt to not get baby too attached to it) - the result is he doesn't use them at all but sucks his blankets btw
anyways we got soo much comments even well-meaning worries about thumb-sucking and whatnot. Just breeze it off, or say, yep, your experience so we'll try ours and see
Got comments on the floor bed, they got on board fast enough. Got comments on BLW, they love sharing the delicious meals they cook with the baby who aptly tries and eats them in delight. Still get comments on low eating, and too often breastfeeding but I know this too shall pass. (Oh I also go sarcastic in "Yes, my goal is to breastfeed until insert your goal here years if he's willing! Science shows benefits are up until 7 but I'm not sure I could handle that, but I can try")
I'm finishing my masters and baby is often without me and is great with other people but whenever (and I mean almost every single time) there is a bigger family gathering and he chooses to come to me I get comments about him being overly attached and I'm just laughing like lmao, he literally jumped into the arms of a stranger last night explaining to her she should take him back into the forest to look at electric wires nope I ain't worried.
There will always be comments! Even my bookworm mom had comments about us having too many books (rly, come on) anyways, now everyone is impressed by how much he's talking. Same for dual languages and signing. "Eccentric". Now people excitedly wave "all done" "poop" and "more" and "help"! Same for ECing a few month old. Soon enough delighted grandmas caught some pees and poos.
They think we're wacko but I point out the fruits of our wacko-ness when I see them.
I also sometimes just conclude it works for us (my school means solid consistent routines aren't realistic so we go with the flow more. I struggle providing lunch every day by 12 since I'd often just skip meals, so I accept that we have a grazer and genuinely point out my flaw and say this works better for me, even if it may be suboptimal). I praise them when they try doing something aligned with our parenting and am super grateful (and vocal) about my appreciation (think bringing strawberries instead of a knicknack, respecting child's "no", etc)
Oh did I mention he handles nail cutting, boogar extraction and ear cleaning like a dream? They thought it was absurd I'd give him a pause every time he squirmed when he was little "he will cry just get it over with" "well I have the time so might as well see if I can avoid crying if I take long enough" ... now they're impressed and I remind them
As they slowly see fruits of some of our choices they accept much more excentricities from us since they see the kid is still alive and kicking and seems to be doing just fine despite my weirdnesses
Back in their age they were told by doctors to do stupid and potentially harmul things and they trusted the doctors (who thought still in the 90s that newborns don't feel any pain lol... so let's not get into the stuff about spaced feedings and the ways Ferber's experiment was twisted and turned into letting your child cry till they vomit every night until they give up on their hope and trust in the world and caretakers).
Oftentimes our parenting is a mirror of their fails, but they didn't know any better and didn't mean harm yet they still feel hurt or sort of attacked by it and they try to keep calm with (you do it too so I feel less bad about myself) type of bad decision making.
So I like blaming it on science:
- "In the past they thought spaced feeding was best, but since they found out many moms were soon then unable to produce enough milk since milk supply depends on demand and they were forcefully limiting demand. Poor mothers who so desperately wanted to feed their crying babies but didn't because they were worried they'd cause colic. I feel for them so much. I'm so glad that now the recommendation is to breastfeed on demand."
- "In the past, it was thought that forcing the babe into uncomfortable situations and refusing to help was the best way to teach them independence and self sufficiency. Trying to teach these things is valuable so all parents followed. Now we however know, that these things can be taught more efficiently by being available and supporting the children if they ask for help. We also try to focus more on setting them up for success, so they don't need our help and interference. But the sole thought of knowing we're available gives them bigger peace of mind than we had previously thought and this had huge developmental benefits for them."
Other stuff you can explain by being personal choices and I just conclude "parenting is an experiment, each parent learns and tries to adapt and modify stuff to best suit their family and baby, thanks for being worried but I'm comfortable with the choices I'm currently making".
I usually use honest empathy, but my MIL can be quite snarky, annoying and obnoxious (her love language is being negativistic in words) so sometimes I'm sarcastic with her. Everyone was surprised I'm breastfeeding over a year and I would go "Oh my goodness, yeah pooor parents who weren't able to get that due to... " basically describing what I'm pretty sure nails her situation since she stuffed her children fat with sugar-filled mush every night till the doctor was worried about obesity even prior to 1st birthday due to dwindling milk supply.
Anyways, I'm both, polite and genuine and if they push I'm snarky and sarcastic.
We chose to try not to push the soother (in an attempt to not get baby too attached to it) - the result is he doesn't use them at all but sucks his blankets btw
anyways we got soo much comments even well-meaning worries about thumb-sucking and whatnot. Just breeze it off, or say, yep, your experience so we'll try ours and see Got comments on the floor bed, they got on board fast enough. Got comments on BLW, they love sharing the delicious meals they cook with the baby who aptly tries and eats them in delight. Still get comments on low eating, and too often breastfeeding but I know this too shall pass. (Oh I also go sarcastic in "Yes, my goal is to breastfeed until insert your goal here years if he's willing! Science shows benefits are up until 7 but I'm not sure I could handle that, but I can try")
I'm finishing my masters and baby is often without me and is great with other people but whenever (and I mean almost every single time) there is a bigger family gathering and he chooses to come to me I get comments about him being overly attached and I'm just laughing like lmao, he literally jumped into the arms of a stranger last night explaining to her she should take him back into the forest to look at electric wires
nope I ain't worried. There will always be comments! Even my bookworm mom had comments about us having too many books (rly, come on) anyways, now everyone is impressed by how much he's talking. Same for dual languages and signing. "Eccentric". Now people excitedly wave "all done" "poop" and "more" and "help"! Same for ECing a few month old. Soon enough delighted grandmas caught some pees and poos.
They think we're wacko but I point out the fruits of our wacko-ness when I see them.
I also sometimes just conclude it works for us (my school means solid consistent routines aren't realistic so we go with the flow more. I struggle providing lunch every day by 12 since I'd often just skip meals, so I accept that we have a grazer and genuinely point out my flaw and say this works better for me, even if it may be suboptimal). I praise them when they try doing something aligned with our parenting and am super grateful (and vocal) about my appreciation (think bringing strawberries instead of a knicknack, respecting child's "no", etc)
Oh did I mention he handles nail cutting, boogar extraction and ear cleaning like a dream? They thought it was absurd I'd give him a pause every time he squirmed when he was little "he will cry just get it over with" "well I have the time so might as well see if I can avoid crying if I take long enough" ... now they're impressed and I remind them
As they slowly see fruits of some of our choices they accept much more excentricities from us since they see the kid is still alive and kicking and seems to be doing just fine despite my weirdnesses
backwithgod
New member
@andreea777 This is why social media stops being fun for us, too. It's the worst for this type of thing (although it happens in person with our friends and family, of course, too) because of the fact that they're saying things through a glass screen rather than face-to-face. Just refraining from posting much about your baby's life online helps a ton. But if you're only getting it from in-person relationships, I suppose that won't help much.
Our 20-month old is still using a pacifier. We take a lot of pictures of her. Sometimes, we might have some with her having her pacifier.
No, it's not good for her teeth. Maybe not good in other ways as well. But it's a process and we're working on it. We've had some really difficult times lately and sometimes it's hard just surviving. Removing the pacifier is important to us, yes, but it's not life-or-death top-priority right now. Can people stop blasting us with their opinions on it?
Our 20-month old is still using a pacifier. We take a lot of pictures of her. Sometimes, we might have some with her having her pacifier.
No, it's not good for her teeth. Maybe not good in other ways as well. But it's a process and we're working on it. We've had some really difficult times lately and sometimes it's hard just surviving. Removing the pacifier is important to us, yes, but it's not life-or-death top-priority right now. Can people stop blasting us with their opinions on it?