Why do other people care so much about what I feed my baby?!

[lolasode]

Found this sub in my search for people who believe fed is best. I have a 9 week old little boy who is now exclusively formula fed after breastfeeding and pumping didn’t work out (and for once, I don’t feel the need to explain why it didn’t work out and everything I tried)

From the minute I was in my hospital room and reunited with my baby after we both ended up in intensive care, the pediatricians and lactation consultants were up my ass about breastfeeding. Ok, whatever, it’s their job.

But the EBF moms who ONLY believe in EBF are a whole new swarm of flies. Some of them are straight up assholes who told me I’m feeding my kid toxins, others try to mask their judgement as compassion like
“I just want to make sure you’re educated on the benefits of breastfeeding so you do what’s best for your baby, mama!”
“Only 5% of women can’t physically breastfeed and the rest just fall prey to formula companies”
“Nobody said doing what’s right for your baby is easy, that’s why I’m on the internet berating you, a total stranger, for not having magical milk jugs like me!”

I don’t get it. I have never shamed someone else for breastfeeding, hell I’ve never seen ANYONE shame anybody else for breastfeeding. I casually mention that Costco recalled my babies preferred formula though and everyone looks at me like I said I feed him cigarette and cheeseburger smoothies. These people aren’t paying $50 a can for my formula, they aren’t paying our medical bills, they aren’t his pediatrician. So, why? Why do they care?!?!

Side note: y’all have any recommendations for Kirkland formula dupes? Went to Costco last night specifically for that and I guess stores across the country suddenly don’t have it.

 

[ethiosol]

@lolasode At this point I'm basically an anti-breastfeeding advocate. I think the pro-breastfeeding movement comes from a great place but a lot of these people take it way too far and truly, some of these lactation consultants are full-on bullies. It's NOT A BIG DEAL if your baby is fed formula. It just isn't. There is ABSOLUTELY ZERO research to support the idea that you simply must breastfeed at any cost to yourself or your baby will be damaged in some way. I promise you that some of the incoming Harvard class of 2027 was formula-fed. It is fine to not breastfeed for any reason whatsoever, it truly, honestly is.

 

[promonetz]

@ethiosol My milk supply was really low so I had a LC come. Four days after baby was born, two days after we got home from the hospital, my beloved cat I'd had for 10 years decides to try and die of ketoacidosis*. My husband 16 straight hours at the emergency vet with him. So the morning the LC came, I let my husband sleep in. She then shamed me for: letting my husband sleep in ("why isn't he helping with the baby??"), supplementing with formula even though I wasn't making enough milk and the baby had lost 15% body weight and was yellower than a lemon, and not starting pumping AT the hospital (even though the LC who visited me in the hospital told me wait 2 weeks to try and pump.) Then she made a snarky comment about the state of my house, told me I had to pump 8-12 times a day, preferably at night after feeding baby and when I started SOBBING because I was so tired, and adding 8-12 pumping sessions a day was massively overwhelming said "sometimes we have to sacrifice to do what's best for our children, that's what motherhood is for." So I did exactly what she said, got deeply depressed, and when I messaged her for a follow-up question (which she encouraged me to do!) she never fucking replied and then billed my health insurance $1,600.

Compare that to pediatrician, who when suggesting we supplement with formula emphasized an LC visit was a great idea to keep BF going, and when I cried at the next appt about how poorly BF was going, was super cheerful, emphasized that a mix of formula and breastmilk is also great, told me I was doing a great job, and said nobody would judge me for feeding my baby whatever works for us, because as long as she was growing, that's all that mattered. She then screened me for PPD and made a note in baby's file so I was asked how I was doing at every single one of those early appointments. Such a stark difference in supportiveness, tone and follow-up care.

I have half a dozen friends with the same horror stories from LCs. They can be such a dang scam.

*Cat survived and baby who is now 8 mos is obsessed with him and cat is very gentle with baby!!

 

[lovenotrules]

@promonetz The LC at the hospital came in twice on the day my son was born, said “haha they are always sleeping when I come in. Latch looks great, call me if you need me” THEN WAS OFF DUTY for the next 2 days I was there so there was no one but the nurses! No one offered me a pump and as a FTM whose baby arrived 3 weeks early, I didn’t know what to ask for. Left a message for help the day I got home and was called back TWO WEEKS LATER.
Spoke to ONE kind consultant on the phone who was able to give me advice that worked to relieve my engorgement 2 days after we were discharged. Was finally seen by a different consultant 2 days later who pressured me into a specific pump (ended up using my insurance for a pump I didn’t want) by using fear tactics, told me that my baby was too sleepy to breastfeed and only showed me how to force him on the breast and told me I would have to wear a nipple shield every time forever but didn’t show me how to properly use it. Was seen 2 weeks later by a DIFFERENT consultant who told me I didn’t need the nipple shield, criticized me for continuing to use formula because I was killing my supply (my son dropped 10% of his birth weight and had to go to additional weight checks because he wasn’t gaining enough from BF). My son was only transferring 0.5oz from both breasts for a 30 min feed.

Looking back at pics I took of the colostrum I was able to pump, if I had been offered the right advice and support, I would have probably had a very different journey. Instead, I have PPA/PPD and am still pumping 3-5x a day to get 2-3oz a day. I am 4 months PP.

 

[promonetz]

@lovenotrules Ugh I’m so sorry. At 1.5 months post partum I was also pumping up to 6 times a day to get a single 4 oz bottle, and baby was still only getting less than an ounce per breastfeed. I called a friend crying at some point that week and she told me to stop.

Nobody worth anything to you would judge you if you stopped pumping!!

 

[bryanm67]

@ethiosol 100000%. I developed postpartum anxiety from the breastfeeding gestapo at my “baby friendly hospital” and my baby, as well as my best friends’ little one born in the same hospital, both had jaundice for far longer than they probably would have, because they refused to give us formula and guilted us into pumping every two hours. It took my husband snapping me out of it and reminding me that our little one was our rainbow baby - the fact she was with us was a miracle - who cares how she got fed.

 

[promonetz]

@bryanm67 My baby having to go to the hospital for follow up jaundice testing is what made me snap out of my fear of formula. It was peak RSV season and I was exposing my 4 day old to the hospital!? We got home and fed her a nice full formula bottle. She was visibly less yellow the next day after 24 hours of eating more. She would have stayed jaundiced for weeks if we hadn’t supplemented!!

 

[james1971]

@ethiosol It's so sad to hear everyone's horror stories when dealing with lactation consultants. The one at my hospital was absolutely amazing! I was having the hardest time getting my daughter to latch and encouraged me to formula feed and even reassured me that formula is an amazing thing that is nutritionally complete, and that even a little breastmilk has great benefits! I feel so lucky because I hate hearing how all these other women were shamed

 

[gthan]

@ethiosol I relate to this comment SO hard!!! Fuck breastfeeding!!!! My first baby was stillborn at 34 weeks and my milk came in right after I delivered him. I came home and had to wear an ace bandage around my boobs for weeks. My baby now has been on formula since she was born and is THRIVING

 

[promonetz]

@gthan I’m so sorry for your loss

 

[thusitha]

@lolasode i was visiting a family member who had a caretaker staying with her and the cna asked what i plan on doing (i’m due any day now and responded EFF) and she started going on about how BF is easier and healthier. i have not seen one post, video, nothing that says BF is easier. i responded well i was the only out of my siblings that was BF and i caught every virus down the pipeline as a kid, in and out of the hospital with reflux as an infant, scarlet fever you name it so i guess my moms milk missed the memo! my ob also just rolled her eyes when i asked ab the hospital being proBF and said no worries just ask for formula when in the hospital, she has no concerns and was frankly annoyed the birthing class told me that. in her opinion, she said it was an advertising thing bc it’s in demand to have bf support.

i haven’t even had my baby yet but ive adopted the mentality of you say stupid comments or questions that make me uncomfortable, i’ll give a stupid response to make you more uncomfortable. or just “that’s odd you feel comfortable asking me that” bc i know the questions/comments won’t stop at feeding.

i struggle with the guilt and just anger that it’s even something being judged on bc i feel like social media is a huge part of that, but then i just remind myself i’m doing what’s best for us. i have my reasons and it’s not that “i just don’t feel like it” but it’s also no one’s business. And for what it’s worth, i know far too many kids fed either way that i literally can’t tell the difference between. a couple who were EBF until the age of 2 and (to put it nicely) not succeeding anymore than other kids their age.

 

[lolasode]

@thusitha I also was EBF as a baby and got sick CONSTANTLY as a kid. Fun fact, I was homeschooled so it’s not like I was regularly being exposed to germs. But I got the worst colds and even swine flu at one point. There really is 0 different between EBF and EFF kids. If I ever have another baby, I’m refusing to let lactation consultants in the room.

 

[thusitha]

@lolasode i had swine in high school! lol

strep twice a year, sinus infections. as an infant, reflux and asthma was bad, high fevers. not saying it was caused by how i was fed at all, it just clearly didn’t help me lol

although i was reassured by my dr, my husband plans on being ready to turn the LC away.

 

[shaulhatarsi]

@thusitha It can be more convenient to wake up and stick your boob in their mouth instead of making a bottle…but easier??? Not a chance lol. Breastfeeding is hard work and it doesn’t work for every family.

Source: EFF my first from month 2. Currently combo feeding my second.

 

[thusitha]

@shaulhatarsi that’s exactly what she said and i was like hmm idk if that’s necessarily easier lol

 

[ravenzomg]

@lolasode I have no idea why people make how we feed our babies their business. As long as they’re healthy and not in danger who cares? I will say, though, be ready for more of the same. People got some hot takes on things like sleep training, baby led weaning vs purées, whether moms should work outside the home or not…the list goes on. The formula thing was really hard on me in the early days but I honestly think it’s prepared me to not give a crap about what people think about the other stuff. Baby is healthy, safe and loved? Cool. You do you!

 

[lolasode]

@ravenzomg I have to go back to work unfortunately and have been shamed so much for it. My friend even said, “not even dogs leave their puppies that early”

Dogs don’t have a mortgage or hospital bills to pay, but thanks for that.

 

[oryareah]

@lolasode That "friend" can shut the fuck up unless they're volunteering to care for your baby during your work hours.

 

[flyinq]

@lolasode This person is not your friend. This person does not value or support you. This person is not worth your time. I’m really sorry that happened to you. Boundaries are important.

 

[shaulhatarsi]

@lolasode That friend should be mad at a society that does that to mothers instead of turning that blame on you.