Who here has a mediocre relationship with their sibling(s)?

[wowreallyguys]

@ernesjohnson I almost never talk to my siblings.

I keep my distance from my sister because we have opposite personalities, she’s very dominating and I can’t stand it.

My brother is 7 years younger and we really just don’t have much in common.

When I was a teenager / college student, the two of the, got into fist fights all the time and I wanted absolutely nothing to do with them.

 

[troubledd]

@ernesjohnson I have two siblings. One I’m pretty good with. There for me throughout my childhood. Came to my wedding, wants to know about my life and be apart of it. They live in another state otherwise we’d probably see each other everyday.
The other is mediocre at best. Only calls when they want sympathy or compliments. Never showed up for any major events in my life. Never did anything wrong but was just never around. Was just as vacant as my father until recently (which I don’t trust). It’s hard to be close to someone that feels like a stranger.
Anyway, I had the pleasure of seeing it from both sides and I still don’t see the need to “provide” a sibling for my child. You just never know what will happen and honestly it’s 50/50.

 

[kidsagainstkows]

@ernesjohnson Mediocre would be generous. I have three step-brothers, all significantly (9 to 16 years) older than me. The oldest is an addict in recovery, that has mooched off my parents as long as I can remember. (he currently lives in my parents’ basement). My middle brother is an alcoholic with schizophrenia (he lives in a halfway house), and my youngest older brother toes the anti-vax, Qanon line uncomfortably close. He’s not a bad guy, but our beliefs are diametrically opposed, and I’ve learned it’s easier to keep my mouth shut at family gathering.

 

[torrin]

@ernesjohnson I moved back to my childhood home area after living 200 miles away for nearly 30 years. Been back over a year and a half and one of my sisters is yet to visit my house or invite me to hers. My other sister turned up on the day I moved with a casserole and a bottle of wine. I think it’s to do with childhood trauma and mild homophobia. I don’t care about me but my son has picked up on her indifference and that really hurts particularly as he’s adopted and already feels like a poor cousin.

 

[drcob]

@ernesjohnson It’s a weird one. I have a good relationship with both but a lot of frustrations towards my sister. We are close and i’d do anything for her. She’s 2 years older. I am very protective of her and when our mother makes snide remarks about her weight or looks I’ll always defend her. A part of me will always have this strong defensive feelings towards her because she’s my sister and we all had a bit of a tough childhood with our parents and how they spoke to us.

That said as adults, my sister is 33, she has no interest in my life but still always says how close we are. She didn’t get us a wedding present, when we got engaged she wanted to go out to dinner to celebrate so me, my fiancé, my sister and her husband all went for dinner and somehow I ended up paying despite it being her idea and to celebrate our engagement. I had no issue paying for ourselves but was a bit annoyed when I ended up paying for them too. My husband got annoyed but I just couldn’t bring myself to confront her because again I’m very protective of her. As it went on it got worse, anytime we meet up I pay. We recently bought a house and she took ages to visit (she’s an hour away) and when she finally did they showed up empty handed (this to me is shocking because I never visit anyone empty handed, even if it’s just some biscuits). I ordered pizza for everyone and chips to share but they gave a box to their son who wouldn’t share with anyone and we all had to smile and laugh like it was ok.

Finally my son was born and she didn’t bother to visit. Even when he was only 20 minutes away she said she was getting her hair done so couldn’t see him. This all kind of hurt me as I flew home from abroad to meet my nephew and I’ve spent easily thousands on him since be was born, and I absolutely love him so of course I’m happy to. That my sister couldn’t even travel 20 minutes to meet my son was a bit unfair. She met him for the first time on Christmas Day, a month after he was born and only because we all did Christmas in my family
Home. The first thing she said was she couldn’t wait to see her sons reaction when he met him. Not even a congratulations or anything. That said, my sister recently got diagnosed with ADHD and autism and I think I always deep down knew a little. Like she just can’t seem to physically make herself show interest or care about anything other then her own life and while I know she still loves and cares about me and my family a part of me is just making myself step away because it’s exhausting and I do find myself hurt and annoyed about a lot of her behaviour. It’s very complex!

Anyway that was very long and apologies I went off topic. I’m also one and done and don’t feel bad because all the studies have shown that only children are absolutely fine and in a lot of areas excel more than multiples and I know from my own experience that siblings doesn’t automatically mean a best friend or soulmate. I actually envy one or two of my friends who do have that dream sibling relationship but to be honest it’s only maybe 2 or 3 people I know in my life who have it. Everyone else has ok or mediocre relationships. I have that close sibling relationship with friends and then I have my husband who is my closest person.

I also love dogs and get so much joy and happiness from being around them.

 

[ephfoureight]

@ernesjohnson I have one brother (we share same parents) who is 1 1/2 years younger. We see each other at Christmas/Easter and some times at our mums birthday. He at least has met my daughter. We are not close but at least are polite to each other.

My other brother is 10 years younger and we share a dad. Have tried multiple times to meet up so he can meet my child, he keeps bailing so I just stopped asking. He has never met her.

 

[rmered3382]

@ernesjohnson I’m close with my brother. I mean we talk on the phone about once a week now as adults.

However, my sister and I have a strained relationship. I cannot even stand to be on a group video call with her and holidays are very challenging if we’re all there. She has a strained relationship with everyone not just me.

 

[spiritofdiscernment]

@ernesjohnson I have three siblings. An amazing relationship with one, meh with the other two. That's a numbers game I'm not willing to play.

 

[hass]

@ernesjohnson I call my relationship with my brother "medium good." We get along, we can have a conversation, and we stopped fighting by the time we were both in middle school, but it was replaced with total indifference. I don't think we had a conversation by ourselves between 2014-2020 because we have next to nothing in common aside from liking dogs and disliking our living grandmother.

He and I were raised in the same home with the same adults but we had very different versions of our parents growing up and I think that's part of what kept us from truly bonding over anything - all the issues my parents and I had were completely foreign to him because they got along great until he was an adult.

My partner (who is the eldest of 5) and I agreed to OAD for many reasons, but when people say our kid will be lonely, we remind them we both have siblings who we had next to no connection with until adulthood, and even then we are only really close with my older SIL.

Siblings aren't "built in besties" or "friends for life" loke people who push multiples think they are.

 

[christiancircusperformer]

@ernesjohnson I have one child and yes, my relationship with my own sibling did influence my decision somewhat.

I think we often romanticise the sibling bond but sometimes, sharing a percentage of DNA is the only thing you have in common.

Then there's the fact that I don't think I'm capable of splitting myself between two kids any more than I can split myself between two husbands - it's a lot of work, I expect a lot out of myself as a parent and I think I'd struggle...and what kids need more than a sibling are two parents who aren't depleted and frustrated.

 

[katrina2017]

@ernesjohnson I've always wanted two kids (but obviously the reality ~financially emotionally ect ~ of actually having a child has changed my mind!) because I'd want my children to have the bond we both have a siblings, not to have a kid to be a friend, but just to be friends, cos they're both loved and cared for in the same space for such a long time... but reading through this thread makes me feel less guilt, I didn't feel like our relationship was that rare (even just being there for each other would be nice) it's so sad that it is a rarity.

I'm super close with my brother. We have always been and always will be the best of friends.
We have always lived together, in fact we still do now, even in our 30s, we have separate houses on the same block of land so we are permanent neighbours.
We were both together when our mum died last year (she got cancer when my daughter was 2Mo and passed in 7 Months) we were both there holding her hand to say goodbye, we took a trip cross country to take her ashes "home" (all of us together, with my dad, his missus, my husband and our daughter), we navigated her wishes, her funeral and her will with the dignity and grace she deserved - I could go on... but yeah, we are close

 

[topshot]

@ernesjohnson I can count on one hand the amount of times I speak to my older brother a year. One the other the amount of times I’ve spoken to my younger sister in the last 3 years and I talk to my youngest sister almost daily.

My brother and I are Irish twins and were incredibly as kids. When I came along, my mom told me he was the happiest, most excited little boy she'd ever seen. He gave me my own nickname(mostly out of toddlery word crumbleness), played with my face and hair, but now we barely talk and see each other once a year if we're lucky.

I am exactly 5 years and a few days older than my younger sister and I loathe this person. As a sibling and a human being. I'd hoped age, and even now with motherhood, would change her but I was wrong.

And there's 7 years between my youngest sister and I. We play video games together so that helps but she also wanted to remain an active part of my Only's life and I wanted to become an active part of my niece's.
(It also doesn't help that I live two states away.)

My Only has confided in me that she loves being an only child and is glad she doesn't have siblings at my house. Her bio-dad remarried someone with a girl two years older than her and two younger boys and she had to experience siblings in full this past summer. She shared a room with her step sister, shared toys and even some clothes. She barely had any privacy. And while she loved the companionship and the playtime, after a few weeks, she was ready to come home lol. I adore my little family of 3 and am glad she likes being an Only but also gets to somewhat experience having siblings.

 

[thedayaftereaster2009]

@ernesjohnson I love and like my brother. He’s one of my best friends but he makes bad life choices and it breaks my heart to watch someone I love so much ruin their life.

I love but strongly dislike my sister. I went no contact with her for years, and though we text occasionally, I really want nothing to do with her.

My parents are older and I’m in charge of my mothers estate when she passes. I don’t look forward to the inevitable family feud that will break out. My mom put me in charge because I’m the most responsible and the only one that can stand up to the more aggressive members of my family and my step-family.

My daughter won’t have to worry about any of this when she is an adult. She won’t feel obligated to maintain relationships with people that make bad life choices and she won’t have to focus on the greed of others when we pass. She will be able to grieve properly and move on in a healthy way.

There are pros and cons to the OAD family but I choose to focus on the positive aspects and raise her to see that as well.

 

[bugz444]

@ernesjohnson Yeah giving our son a sibling is actually in the con side of the list for me. My brother and I spent most our childhood fighting constantly. It was stressful. I didn’t enjoy having a sibling. Once we got older(late elementary/middle school I think) we stopped fighting all the time and had more of a meh relationship. We had our moments of getting along okay mostly because we had mutual friends but overall our personalities just don’t go well together. As adults we go years without talking. I get updates from my parents and I’m glad he’s doing well. We don’t reach out to each other for help or support. He even skipped my wedding because it was inconvenient and I genuinely wasn’t even hurt. Seriously I could forget I have a sibling. There’s no animosity just 0 relationship at all.

 

[jocelynvenus]

@ernesjohnson My older brother and I have never had anything in common and have never gotten along. As adults we see each other on holidays and text happy birthday. That's it.

My younger sister, who I once had a very close relationship with, is practically estranged now because of her adherence to her partner's need to isolate her from her family.

So, my daughter is an only child and I don't think she will be missing anything as an adult. I had a good friendship with my sister as children but I was also made to feel like I needed to ALWAYS take care of my sister because she was 18 months younger. I almost looked at her as my child. I was always physically fighting with my brother even though he was 5 1/2 years older than me. So, in retrospect, my daughter probably isn't missing out on much in her childhood either.

Edit to add: My brother "accidentally" hit me in the head with a metal baseball bat as a child.

 

[denlhj]

@ernesjohnson I have 3 sisters. One of them, due to heavy mental illness, I am not in touch with. I get along just fine with the other two and we text some, but we live really far apart and have our own lives. We always have a good time when we do get together, but the people really in my day-to-day as far as companionship goes are my close friends and my spouse. I'm glad I have sisters, but they aren't what keeps me from feeling lonely, if that makes sense.

 

[d33smth]

@ernesjohnson I've got worse than mediocre with my siblings. Unfortunately, one is very toxic and abusive. The other just kind of does her own thing. I think it's one of my main reasons for wanting to be OAD. Siblings can be a lot of unecessary stress.

 

[4myrecovery]

@ernesjohnson I have 6 siblings. All of my relationships with them are either mediocre or non-existent. There's a pretty big age gap between the oldest sibling (59) and the youngest (41) and I fall in the middle. I am not super close with any of them. Somewhat close but not in a text or call on a weekly basis close. We have a few group text threads going but we don't vacation together or spend a huge amount of time together (partly because I live 1,000 miles away). I'm more close with my friends and with my husband's siblings.

 

[michaelf458]

@ernesjohnson Mine is somewhere between mediocre and strained. It is absolutely a factor in why we're OAD. My husband loves his siblings, but was parentified when he was growing up, which wasn't ideal either.

I have an older sister that was just awful to me growing up and now I see her maybe once a month in spite of living relatively close (we make a point to see the niblings for activities and outings).

We aren't friends. We would have never crossed paths socially if not for being related. We fought, verbally and physically, all the time in our youth. So now every conversation as adults is terse.

 

[officialpb]

@ernesjohnson I have two siblings, 3 years younger and 10 years younger. The one closest in age to me died of alcoholism 5 years ago - she and I had a very complicated relationship. My remaining sister and I have never been very close (mostly due to the age difference and me being kicked out of the house before she was in double digits). I try to be a good big sister but I just don't relate to her on many levels. Most of my decision to be OAD wasn't based on my family relationship but it really did validate the choice once it had been made.