When do babies get easier?

@molitor Please, what I'm about to say is 100% anecdotal, my own opinion, and I don't have research or science to necessarily back it up. Simply giving advice as you asked. I have a feeling its going to be an unpopular stance.

Wake windows in the newborn stage are a fantastic way to ensure baby is getting enough day time sleep and avoiding over tired meltdowns. The downside to them, in my opinion, is that we really lean into them too hard as first time moms and live/die by them. We don't give our babies the chance to go past the max recommended time awake in fear of overtiredness, creating undertired babies that wont nap. Our babies are so much more capable than we think they are.

When my daughter was 4 months old and losing her mind at every nap, screaming, purple crying, and just generally miserable, I was of the assumption that she was overtired. I was going shorter and shorter time between naps, which was causing her to not have enough sleep pressure between naps so she was only napping for 30-45mins and waking up unrested and pissed. It was a horrible cycle. Wake, eat, play, meltdown, rock for way too long to get to sleep, short nap, wake pissed, repeat. Once I started pushing the wake windows 20-30 mins past the recommended max she became tired enough to actually want to sleep. When she would sleep, she would nap longer.

Once we were able to push the wake windows to 2.5hr-3hr we were able to cut out a nap completely. That happened at about a week shy of 5 months. I will say in that time we also really worked on the dreaded "tired but awake" nap routine. I personally cant leave my baby crying, so we would change her, rock her until she was drowsy (about 5 mins) and put her down, patting and rubbing her belly until she stopped fussing and left the room. If she fussed at all or cried I would go back in and comfort her. She was tired enough from pushing wake windows longer that this generally worked within like 5-10 mins.

I'm not suggesting you go guns-a-blazing and try to keep baby up for 3 hours, but work on getting there a little at a time to cut a nap out and hopefully that'll help with the nap fighting.

With all that being said, it gets so much easier, and I'm sure you're doing a fantastic job. 4 months is so tough. They'll be happy again, I promise.
 
@jun_za This is super helpful! I think I’m doing the exact same and lowering the wake window thinking he’s overtired! He then sleeps for 30 min and is fussy! I may test this out :)
 
@jun_za Totally! He also rolled for first time yesterday so was definitely going through a developmental change! It’s crazy how quickly things change
 
@molitor Does he fight all the naps? If he’s consistently not sleeping after, say, the 3pm feed, let him sit in a swing or on a play mat or some other thing where he’s safe and entertained. If he falls asleep, great, if not, that’s fine too. Can also try adding a walk in the stroller or car ride in at that time if he enjoys being in the car seat or stroller. It’s a good mix between soothing and awake options based on what he’s feeling.
 
@shaughnessyym Yes he fights all naps (takes like 45 min of rocking and he wakes up every time I put him in crib). He especially fights the 4pm nap after 3pm feeding. Issue is if I skip that nap he’s a mess and super fussy 😩. He refuses to nap in the stroller. Naps so well in car but I live in a city and don’t have a car :(
 
@molitor 3-4 months, sooo much nap fighting and then waking up angry. We started making her take naps in crib (in merlin) and although they are short (25-40 min) she generally wakes up smiling. Also bought a baby carrier and she can sleep in that if we go for a walk. Now 4.5 months, usually 2 crib naps, 2 weared naps. Hard to drop naps when they are horrendously short.
 
@jun_za My girl just turned 4 months over the weekend and she’s been much fussier the last week or so. I was wondering what was happening but I guess it’s a grumpy phase lol I’m glad I’m not alone. I was becoming worried this was her personality
 
@molitor I feel like everyone's lives dramatically improved when she started being able to roll and sit up on her own. Even more so when she started crawling. She was just so much happier being able to do what she wanted to do. She's 3 now and still extremely independent. It's funny how they display their personalities so early.
 
@molitor YESSSSS. A lot of people say 6 months. Not for us. The separation anxiety kicked our asses. She’ll be 11 months soon and it was around 10 months when my husband and I both looked at each other and said “this is actually our favorite age so far”. In between 0-9 months were a LOT of ups and downs. It was great then it wasn’t and weirdly my husband and I both feel very differently about the same ages. 7 months was one of his favorites. I hated it. She wouldn’t leave me alone she was so attached to me.
 
@molitor My daughter will be 4 months on Oct 25 and I was wondering the same thing today. I believe she started recognizing faces and has a melt down when someone else other than me or my husband comes close to her face. When at home she’s better but still fusses half of the time she’s awake. I’m scared it could get worse from here though.
 
@flora01 If it makes you feel any better, mine turned four months on October 14. It was REALLY bad two weeks ago and that lasted like 4 days. It’s slowly gotten better but still very fussy. Hearing five months is easier and hoping that’s the case!
 
@molitor What really helped me was learning about the Possums approach by Dr Pamela Douglas. In a nutshell the thesis is that babies will take the sleep they need during the day, if they are exposed to a rich sensory environment and have a full belly. Dr Douglas suggests that what the sleep industry often refer to as “sleepy cues” are often noted cues and to try and switch up the activity before trying to put down.

Rich sensory environment = take baby with you as you live your day doing errands, getting outside and meeting up with friends and family.

I have never once rocked my baby to sleep since following this approach - he usually nods off after a feed, or in the pram. Since following this approach it’s also really helped me understand what my babies tired cues are - it’s not yawning etc for him but he starts to sound like a lawnmower.

And before anyone asks - his night sleeps are trash but this seems to be the case for lots of people who spend 45 minutes trying to get their baby to sleep. My days at least are fun, social and enjoyable.
 
@nicoleqdp This makes sense… what do you do if they have bad reflux? If I take him in the car or on a walk an hour after he finishes eating he will spit up large-ish amounts all over himself (and the car seat). That or he will cry during the entire walk.
 
@reeses Same situation with me. At 4 months the reflux went away so he’s a happy spit upper but I need to hold him for 30 min after each feeding (and he still spits up what feels like the majority of what he eats)
 
@molitor Oh I was wondering the same thing. I had a decent period of quiet, now he is back to screaming or almost screaming. My ears hurt and they ring periodically.

He will be 4 months on October 24th. I feel like if he doesn’t stop screaming or almost screaming I am going to go deaf.
 
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