When did you let someone else watch them?

@milliekeeling23 My parents are the only people we trust to watch them. They didn’t watch them unattended until they were 5 months old. Now they watch them one to two times a week.

I had THE hardest time letting anyone hold them except my husband and my parents/siblings. In my experience it did get a lot easier to let others hold them. Probably around the 6 months.
 
@milliekeeling23 About to let my in-laws watch one of my triplets on Wednesday. I'm super nervous about it. He is 5 months old. They're also watching my toddler, who goes to their house once a week. I won't let them watch everyone until they're all walking and off bottles.so next year sometime. Or never. Since they refuse to use the portacots I bought. Bugaboo Stardust, so it's not like they're terrible or anything.
 
@vulcanlogician This is certainly not true of all “other people.” In my entire network there are maybe 2 people who I think could handle my 6lb newborns together, on their own, for even a few hours.
 
@milliekeeling23 First it was the NICU for three weeks (we lived an hour away and could only come for one feeding a day). Then my parents came to visit when they were three weeks and just getting out of the hospital. I love the little buggers to death, but having time to do grownup things is important for your health and thus the babies’ well being.
 
@milliekeeling23 My mom watched them when they were two-ish weeks old so we could go out for our anniversary and then a few times in those first few months. We had a nanny from 12 weeks on.
 
@milliekeeling23 My boys spent 34 days and 53 days in the NICU and we live with my husbands parents at the moment, when they were finally home we did let his parents watch them while we slept for a while but man if it didn’t make me so anxious and make it hard for me to fall asleep. ( we figured out how to do shifts and that made me feel a lot better with their dad being with them. ) But now they’re 5 months old and we leave them with their grandparents atleast once a day so me and hubs can go walking or working out for about an hour. They take good care of them and I completely trust them.
 
@milliekeeling23 My girls were born 33+2 and were just over 4lbs at discharge. They spent 27 days in the NICU.

We had them babysat a couple of weeks after discharge. My husband had to go to ER and couldn’t drive so I had to bring him and we were there like 8 hours. They were with my mil and they did fine. They were at our place watching them.

Since then we’ve done a few overnights without them but they’re 15 months. I think our first overnight was at 5 months old but it was to see my aunt that was in hospice a few hours away. A few weeks ago we were gone for a weekend without them and this past weekend we were gone a night. I trust my family like crazy so there’s no worry about that for me.
 
@milliekeeling23 We did supervised caretaking first and once we felt comfortable our MIL would keep them alive we left them with her for a few hours. That being said I had to correct her techniques a couple times after since she was placing the kids on the floor a bit roughly lol. Still it’s nice to have a break and I’m super thankful for it
 
@milliekeeling23 if only someone would take them!!

My twins are almost 5 (their oldest sister is 7) and the last time I spent a night away from the twins was while they were in the NICU.

we have a close friend who occasionally will watch the girls for us for an hour here or there when we are in a pinch... started around when they were toddlers...

otherwise, it's us against the world - it was glorious when they started school in Sept!
 
@milliekeeling23 I only trust my mom to watch my twins and they are 4 years old. My twins were born at 35w5d & they were 5lbs7oz and 3lbs15oz. She came over to help starting at around 3 weeks when baby B finally got to come home and my husband was back to work. My husband didn’t help with nights so she was the one who helped so I could sleep. I have never left them alone w anyone else other than my parents or my husband. I was home when my mom came over I was just sleeping. We didn’t do a leave the house with her watching until 9 months but it was 2020 so that was a factor too.
 
@milliekeeling23 Just after the got home from a 72 day NICU stay, my husband got COVID. I was so exhausted I had no choice but to call family to come help while I slept for an hour or two before my anxiety woke me up.

Now they’re 17 months old and they’ve had two or three sleepovers at their grandparent’s place. My husband and I are taking a long weekend to help out a family member in another state while my parents come over and watch the kids. Of course I’m going to be nervous but I trust my mom to watch my kids.
 
@milliekeeling23 We hired a live-in nanny when the twins were six weeks old. My husband has a heart condition that requires uninterrupted sleep, and he went into a deadly arrhythmia and got shocked by his implanted defibrillator when the twins were two weeks old from waking up so much. One of our babies had reflux and is still just a way more difficult baby in general (they are 14 months now). So we didn’t really have a choice since I was doing nights by myself. My husband did have some paternity leave and used that time to train the nanny while I was sleeping during the mornings.

That said, very few nannies have experience with babies under three months. Ours were born at 35w and were pretty small (5 lbs 7 oz and 4 lbs 13 oz). So we went with a person who had little experience but who was honest and had impeccable references, and whom I felt a chemistry with.

She was such a great fit for us and she loved working with preemie newborns that she decided to pursue a BSN to be a NICU nurse (which she currently is doing prerequisites for part time). She has strict shifts despite living with us to create healthy boundaries, and I help take care of them when I’m awake. Sometimes we go on hikes together or will separate them (I’ll take one twin to the library or something while she stays with the other one to work on puzzles, for example, since they constantly interrupt each other in play by stealing toys or whatever).

Anyway it works for us, and it is a relief to have someone we trust watching our babies. And it is really invaluable to have a third team member in this ordeal. We also have a child who is 8, and it helps us give him attention. We are definitely bonded for life with our nanny.

The genetic heart disease aspect of our lives really sucks, but occasionally there is a silver lining, which for us was this treasure of a bonus mom to our babies.
 
@milliekeeling23 I felt similarly. I think that is a normal feeling, especially for little babies who had NICU time. For a long time, only grandparents were around, and even then we rarely left them alone with grandparents.

I think this will improve for you as they get bigger and stronger. They seem so fragile and tiny at this age and size - they will be big before you know it, and then they will feel more like "normal" babies. It did help me to think that my MIL took care of six babies and all of them are still alive. It also helps me to think about how many millions of people receive help from grandparents, and when was the last time you saw a news story that said "Totally normal grandma who was not under the influence of drugs, alcohol, or psychosis kills her grandbaby"? For me, it's never. I still have twinges of that feeling of wanting to pull my skin off, but try to talk myself down. My husband also reminds me that it's great for our boys to have other trusted adults. They are quite attached to their nanny and their grandparents and aunts and uncles - not as attached as they are to us, of course, but they are so visibly happy to see Mimi and Papa when my in-laws visit, etc.

You will get there. Don't worry. Trust your gut, unless and until you feel like it's post-partum anxiety, and then talk to your doctor and re-evaluate after that.
 
@milliekeeling23 Mine are now 9 months and we haven’t left them yet. I think you do what’s best for you. I know a lot of people think I’m INSANE for not leaving them yet but it’s a personal choice. I 100% support any parent who needs a break immediately and I 100% not pushing yourself before you’re ready.

I’m finally ready to start leaving them in in-laws for a short bit for a date and rather than dreading it I’m excited. Do what works for you don’t feel pressured.
 
@milliekeeling23 My mum from the beginning. Did not trust anyone else, but recently at 4 months, I was happy to let my mum and brother take them for an afternoon.

Once they are big and strong, you will feel a million times more confident. I was terrified they would break in those first weeks, they are so small and fragile. Then they start kicking and rolling and laughing and they seem much hardier. It will come 🤗
 
@milliekeeling23 Mine came home from the NICU and I was comfortable with my dad watching them solo 2 days later. I imagine we will probably be looking for a consistent baby sitter soon. As long as it's someone I trust, I have 0 issues with them taking care of my kidlets. Mine were born at 33 weeks and spent 11 days in the NICU. They've never had medical issues, both wear owlets, and were only in the NICU for feeding and growing. So I don't have too many fears around them. I had a lot of anxiety pregnant but a lot of that has disappeared postpartum. I also just make myself work through it. I refuse to be the kind of mom that won't let anyone else watch her kids and as a result never feels comfortable going anywhere or having a date night.
 
@milliekeeling23 That feeling will probably fade. I felt the same as you when our girls were born, I was unprepared for the rage and anxiety of letting other people watch them! We hired a night nurse for help in the early weeks and that still didn't get me much extra sleep because I could not let go checking in. We terminated that contract early purely because it wasn't helpful, because nothing could convince me to leave our babies in the hands of a stranger without I or my husband supervising.

I hated when other people held them when they were newborns!! I became okay with letting family members hold them when we're around once they could sit upright, move their heads on their own, smile. I'd be very hawk-like even around 4 months, but by 6-7 months I could actually relax in the room and enjoy myself while other people held them. I think once they can express their feelings more you'll be able to relax. Seeing them laugh, smile, and interact with friends and relatives is fun.

Ours are turning 1, my husband is a full-time dad so we never had to go through the emotional hurdle of daycare. But, I still would not be fond of letting a relative or babysitter watch them alone for any length of time. Multiples can be a lot, I don't trust other people to know exactly what they're in for!

In summation, there's nothing wrong with you, many people experience this with their newborns. It will very likely fade, don't feel the need to challenge or check yourself. If people want to help, tell them they can help by taking care of you so you can take care of your babies! Ask to be brought meals, or for someone to pickup groceries/supplies for you, to walk the dog/scoop the cat box. do the dishes, etc.
 
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