What to do when best is impossible (Emily Oster)

[dmm]

@kilroy59 I'm sure they have not medical advice disclaimers. Or perhaps it's been fortunate that one hasn't led to an infant's death.

 

[jdthcstl]

@dmm CDC/state/local health departments puts out harm reduction guidelines all the time. This gives practitioners lots of cover.

No one is suing doctors because they prescribe a person PrEP to prevent HIV, but unfortunately still got infected or transmitted it to their partner.

 

[george_sky_walker]

@wemchud This line of thought - that the majority will do the convenient thing and disregard risk so better tell them the bare minimum/make things black and white - is flawed and has been proven incorrect in several studies. It’s disheartening that it’s so integrated into the scientific and medical establishment

 

[noldoxis]

@george_sky_walker I feel like it's engrained due to a litigious American society. If a medical professional gives advice on how to cosleep "safely" and then a baby dies, they risk getting sued.

 

[godsgatekeeper]

@george_sky_walker It’s also entirely contrary to harm reduction principles. It’s basically an “abstinence only” approach to… everything?

 

[kingdomkings]

@wemchud That’s a very good point. From a communications perspective, the most effective message is a simple, straightforward one.

From a human behaviour perspective, people aren’t compliant with best practise. Dentists know people don’t floss their teeth as often as they say they do. People don’t finish the course of antibiotics because they start to feel better, even though it’s incredibly stupid and dangerous and leads to antibiotic resistance. People give their small children more sugar or screen time than is a good idea.

A simple, consistent message is the best way to get information to the biggest sector of people.

 

[robertspugh]

@wemchud This assumes that most parents are lazy and reckless, and that everyone is looking for an excuse to engage in risky behavior. I don’t think that’s true.

 

[katrina2017]

@robertspugh This. I’d like to think most parents do not want to put their children in risky situations. And I think the truly reckless parents out there aren’t following most guidelines anyways.

 

[prince98204]

@robertspugh Have you been outside?

 

[businessphonesystem]

@wemchud Sometimes it's just not feasible. I'm a huge promoter of safe sleep and almost always make sure there is a safe space for my son to sleep. But, for example, I was on vacation and the Airbnb host told me he'd have a pack n play for me. We arrived at 10pm and there was no pack n play. It's 10pm, I can't go out and buy one, after a day of travel I can't risk holding him in my arms all night long, he simply won't sleep on a bare hardwood floor, so what's the best case scenario? What's the least risky way I can create a safe sleep for him? There's no chart for that and I know I can't co sleep because he'll just crawl off. Is it obvious? There's just no guidance at ALL

 

[katrina2017]

@businessphonesystem I'm not judging so let me say that first and foremost. Just curious what you ended up doing in that situation?

 

[oracle999]

@katrina2017 this happened to me: mattress on the floor against a wall

 

[katrina2017]

@oracle999 Oh good call! Thank u

 

[businessphonesystem]

@katrina2017 There was just one bed, so mattress on the floor wasn't an option since we were sleeping there, so for LO I folded a comforter and laid that on the floor and he slept on top of that. Then I went and rented a pack n play for the week

 

[the_precious_one]

@wemchud Yes, and so I think what can help is not "here's the next best advice" but "here's the WHY behind our (first best) advice so you can make your own informed decisions".

 

[agent47]

@follow_the_word Emily Oster is not my favorite but she definitely has a point here. My daughter who used to eat anything suddenly at close to 3.5 became a picky eater and mostly eats meatballs, bread, occasionally fruit and snacks. She also drinks a low calorie lemonade. We ended up bed sharing because we needed sleep. I unfortunately am still spending most of the night in her bed but we are hoping she grows out of this. A lot of parenting books don't acknowledge that we don't live in a utopia and that all kids are different and that sometimes we have to do what works. This is why I love Julie King and Joanna Faber and Adele Faber who write the How to talk books because they acknowledge that parents are going to make mistakes that they have made mistakes and work on how to do better next time.

 

[jesusreigns777]

@agent47 I think about this a lot. Like I make my daughter a super healthy nutritious meal, and she doesn’t want it. She takes a few bites and says she’s all done. But if I make a few alterations, white bread instead of whole wheat, remove most of the spinach from the sauce, use ingredients with a little added sugar, etc, she eats a whole meal. So I guess she’s getting more nutrition that way, even if it’s a less nutritious meal overall. Kids just don’t behave like we expect.

 

[agent47]

@jesusreigns777 I think the best we can do is feed them as much good stuff as we can give them a multivitamin and model good eating habits. If we show them how to eat well and do our best once they are older hopefully they will eat better.

 

[goldielocks]

@agent47 Are there any official parenting guidelines against bedsharing with a child that age? I thought the recommendation was only for infants due to suffocation risk.

 

[agent47]

@goldielocks No because since they are older there is no risk. We have stopped the lemonade at night though since she ended up with a few cavities. Bed sharing with a toddler or any child older is not an issue because they are large enough and developed enough to wake up on their own if something is wrong.