What to do? My son's g.f. is beating him up

[taz77777]

@dadon Why did the witness not report it to the police? If I witnessed abuse of any kind I would immediately call the police

 

[dadon]

@taz77777 I've never been there when it happened or I really would call the police. And he refuses to press charges. I mean she could have caused an accident beating him with her shoe while he was driving too. I just don't even know where to go or what to do with this

 

[punkyb87]

@dadon Don’t go behind his back like this person is suggesting, that could make it more dangerous and alienate him. He will need you to be someone he can trust and turn to throughout this abuse.

I would tell him that you feel strongly that he deserves better and that you are here for him regardless. Don’t put your emotions into it, don’t say it makes you sad to see him hurt, just say as your parent I love you and this isn’t a loving relationship.

Tell him to keep a small overnight bag at your place so he can come there if he needs to. Give him a key and then let him settle into knowing he can trust you and see you and your home as a safe place.

As for Christmas, change your plans and perhaps have a distraction like a movie so you’re together but not interacting the whole time. Also, no alcohol or very limited drinks

 

[taz77777]

@punkyb87 There are some serious things to consider. If he is being beaten to the point of visible injury, that could eventually lead to a concussion and other serious injuries. There have also been numerous accounts of abusers beating their victims to death, and you cannot assume this is an impossibility here. If there is some way to get the boyfriend away from his girlfriend without legal intervention, maybe that would be the best choice. Yet which is worse, the son alienating his parent or the son remaining at risk of severe injury? The trauma that will result from the abuse is both physical and mental, but upsetting him due to saving him from the abuse is not nearly as detrimental.

 

[punkyb87]

@taz77777 Standard practice is to allow survivors of abuse to choose their exit that works and is safest for them. Removing an individual from a situation can actually be more harmful depending on the cycle of the abuse and the abuser.

Research is constantly evolving so I understand your view, but I encourage you to read some of the latest research in the matter, it’s very interesting.

 

[mikael76]

@dadon You don't need to have been there or have witnessed it. He admitted it to you. there were other witnesses. you can make the report

 

[qbroxin]

@mikael76 If she didn't see the crimes with her own eyes, the police aren't going to take her report seriously. You need a cooperating victim when it comes to DV unless you have third party whitnesses.

 

[taz77777]

@qbroxin Do you know if that is true? If she has pictures as evidence that he was assaulted, I am pretty sure that is enough for the court.

 

[taz77777]

@dadon There are ways to report abuse other than to the police. Maybe consider calling the Domestic Abuse Hotline
800-799-7233

 

[sagat4]

@dadon Report to police for assault. Not just a restraining order.

Criminal charges.

This is ILLEGAL. A crime.

Would one of the witnesses report it??

 

[dadon]

@sagat4 The worse assault was last summer. It is the one he has pictures of and witnesses but don't know if it is too late for that one?