If possible talk to witnesses and neighbors, ask them to keep an eye out maybe and that u are far more concerned than just one incident but can't say anything cuz ur hands are tied due to sons wishes.
@dadon My sister had a similar situation a few years ago. Her boyfriend was great, except he was a mean and violent drunk, and he liked to get drunk a lot. I just gently encouraged her to leave him everytime, then about threw a party when she finally did. It’s so hard, because adults get to make their own choices and you just have to watch….
@dadon Tell him to just move back home and leave her, the beatings will just get worse and he could get permanent damage,
Host an intervention at the gathering on the weekend and confront her about her alcoholism and domestic violence then she will be fully aware everyone knows and now does not respect her, if you can:
@dadon she's abusive. he needs to leave asap. i know that there's a big stigma against it, but there are abusive women who end up killing men too.
it would be best for him to get out before things escalate anymore and either:
she seriously hurts him
or
he eventually gets fed up enough to hit her back/defend himself and she calls the cops
@dadon To be safe you should collect evidence on the side. Get a hidden camera and record things. Also talk to your son to start taking notes of what is happening. Then go see a lawyer. The law is always in the favour of the women and blindly it can be misused against you. So you have to be very careful.
@dadon I would just go there pack all his sht while she gone, and when she gets back he will be with you in your house. And then I'd leave a note at her place about knowing what she does behind the scenes and if she stalks or keeps going on after your family you'll call the cops on her and sue her for her abuse towards your son.
But I recommend collect allllll proof before doing this so she can't turn anything around.
You need to have a sit down with your son as well without her.
As well after all this contact her parents, and tell them everything.
@dadon We had a similar situation in my family with one of my siblings - they were being beaten up by their girlfriend and my mom witnessed it. She is a teeny tiny woman, but she unleashed a tirade on that girl that would have scared a tiger away. This was near the end of their relationship anyways so this wench was banned from our home immediately, but bottom line is you just tell your son he deserves to be treated better than this, he’s done nothing to deserve this and you will ALWAYS be there for him. Don’t bother acting fake happy to see his gf, just be polite enough that she doesn’t make him leave and drive him further away from you. He will need help and support to break this relationship off. The gf needs help as well (sounds like an alcoholic) and both of them would be better on their own for now. You sound like a good and caring mom.
@dadon Honestly, don't do what some comments are recommending because that might just push him away. I would suggest to him that he should contact the police and show them the evidence. I would be careful with calling the police because I've heard of victims sometimes being arrested instead, especially if it's a man being abused by a woman.
@dadon Like honestly are you aware that what she is doing is illegal? She could get a restraining order but should also be jailed. What if she gives your son a concussion or knocks out his teeth? You need to report her to law enforcement, if not you, someone else needs to
@taz77777 I told him that he should consider calling the police as there were witnesses, and that he had enough to get a restraining order on her, but "he loves her" and she "only does it when she is drunk". I told him I have been stupid drunk before and never hit anyone in my life but he just didn't want to hear it. He doesn't seem to be taking it that seriously for some reason?
@sagat4 I wasn't there so he would have to be the one to do it. And you can't really tell a 22 year old man what to do. i gave him my empathy, my love, my opinion and than I shut up. I dont' want to drive him away because he feels like he has to "choose". Am I wrong?
@sagat4 As a parent of an adult you can't just do stuff like this. He has to do it himself. I wanted to call the police on someone who was abusive to my daughter and my daughter would tell me if I did that it would make it worse for her. When he's ready to leave he will leave but we as moms can't just do something like this especially when our children tell us not to. It could push them further away and they won't trust us and won't tell us what's going on because they'll think we're going to call the cops.
@more4less In what ways would it make things worse? If the abuser goes to jail and gets a restraining order, and if other forms of security were set up to prevent the abuser from making contact with the victim when they are released from jail, I am pretty certain this would be quite effective.
@taz77777 It would make it worse if the person in the relationship isn't ready to leave. The abuser may be mad about the police being called and take it on the abused person and the abuse can get worse. They won't do anything to the person unless the abused makes the report. Sometimes both people in a domestic violence situation can get arrested. In the state I live in it's a he said she said and both people can be arrested until they figure things out. Restraining orders don't do anything. A woman in my state had a restraining order against her ex husband and he went right over to her home and killed her in front of her kids. It's not that simple to just call the cops.
