This post is really long. I’m sorry for that! I had a lot more to say than I realized, and this was honestly cathartic to capture all of this.
It’s been 11 weeks. Up until the middle of week 9, I was 100% determined to make this work but was not convinced I’d make it any further. Magically, we turned a corner and I have to say, I actually LIKE breastfeeding! So biggest PSA: stick with it a little longer if you can (if your mental health isn’t suffering) because your baby will get bigger and figure things out and you can then enjoy this miraculous process.
Background: I had my first child (a baby girl!) at 37 weeks exactly via scheduled c-section because of a dangerously located fetal vessel. She was a little peanut - only 5 lb 14 oz at birth and dropped down to 5 lb 8 oz while still in the hospital. I have been EBF since we came home from the hospital - we had to supplement in the hospital for two days because of low blood sugar but once she started regaining her weight, we switched to just my milk, and she’s been thriving - moving up in percentiles and growing beautifully. DESPITE THAT, I have had overwhelming anxieties around feeding and my fair share of challenges, so I’m sharing this for anyone who can benefit. It’s also a great chance for me to reflect on what I’ve experienced the past two and a half months. Take all of this with a grain of salt since it’s a sample size of one, but I have totally benefited from reading all of your accounts, advice, and more and I would not still be BF without this community. I was hoping this could help pay it forward just a little!
Also, you don’t want to be the one googling “can my baby drink from my bleeding nipples” frantically at 3am (speaking from experience) … and the answer to that is YES, but you might see flecks of dried blood in their next stool and completely panic. Anyway …
Early days/hospital stay:
I had a super uncomplicated C-Section and had baby latched and suckling about an hour after delivery. Side note: c-sections are pretty weird and being stuck on a table getting sewn up while my husband and baby left the room … ugh. Hardest 20 - 30 minutes of my life. Getting the extreme shakes after surgery (normal) also made me a little nervous holding my baby, but I’m glad I stuck with it and experienced her latching so quickly.
Because my baby was born on the earlier side and was so small, she tended to be REALLY sleepy during those first few feedings (this persisted until about week 2ish) and she would sleep before eating enough so we had to supplement a little formula in the hospital until she started regaining weight. My advice? Get your baby on your boob as often as possible to encourage milk to come in and don’t be afraid to pump! When the lactation consultant finally came to see me about 12 hours after my surgery, she showed me how to hand express colostrum on to a spoon and spoon feed my newborn (super helpful) and also how to use the pump in the room. I got drops in the beginning but every drop matters in those early moments. Don’t be afraid/upset if you have to supplement, don’t stress because your milk takes time to come in, and ask for help. I should have advocated more to get a lactation consultant sooner but I was so out of it from surgery that I waited longer than I wanted to and I regret not making a stink sooner. The nurses were good but they only had so much time to help me and they basically said “we’re giving baby formula” without actually discussing it much with me or showing me how to express more colostrum.
Football hold was my best friend the first week or so. If you need help with it, ASK. I was initially trying to do REGULAR CRADLE with my teeny baby because I just didn’t know any better.
Bring a breastfeeding pillow with you. My hospital pillows were crap and I could barely move while I had my catheter and IV in, and trying to maneuver a squirming, screaming hungry infant while tethered without any pillow support was a nightmare.
The worst part of the beginning was the pain. Oh my the pain.
I stopped taking any and all pain killers from my surgery after about 3 days. I had to keep a bottle of Motrin on my nightstand for breastfeeding pain for much longer. My nipples just could not handle the constant friction/wetness/contact/whatever and I waited way too long to do anything about it. Start the lanolin/nipple cream early. Like, before you even go to the hospital if you can. Your nipples need moisturization and love as much as possible. It’s really hard to heal them once they are ruined but it can be done. Honestly, time is the biggest factor - letting my baby grow (and get a better latch over time) and letting my nipples adjust were absolutely necessary, but definitely lean into any products that work for you. Coconut oil is great too!
If you are committed to BF, let everyone around you know that you need their support, not their “we can always switch to formula!” quips when you are gritting your teeth during yet another feeding that day. I very firmly told my husband and mom that I needed them to be cheerleaders, not naysayers, and most importantly, I needed them to hear me complain that BF is not always such a magical, mysterious, earth goddess experience. It can be! It’s starting to be! But in the early days, it’s really damn hard and sometimes you just need to vent and not feel guilty. I also did ZERO housework or food prep the first couple of weeks and feel ZERO guilt. I know this is not a reality for everyone, but I needed lots of help, and I let down my stubbornness and asked for it. This really is most possible with a support network.
Myths/concerns/other observations:
-Oatmeal: no effect noted. I still eat it regularly because a) it’s delicious, and b) I can make a big pot and keep it in the fridge, reheating individual portions - it’s fast, you can add lots of fruit and peanut butter to it, and it’s a warm meal that takes very little effort
-Fenugreek: I took tablets containing fenugreek for a bit after I got my thyroid results and talked to my endocrinologist who said all my function was normal and there shouldn’t be any contraindications. I *thought* (placebo) I saw an increase, but since I’ve stopped, my supply has stayed the same, and I’m fairly convinced they gave me some upset stomach issues. Probably not necessary and there are some people for whom fenugreek is counter productive.
-Brewer’s Yeast: I still have this fairly often because I don’t mind the taste at all, I can add it to smoothies and/or oatmeal, and it’s high in protein. But I doubt it does anything for my supply.
-Body Armor: I drink the lyte versions, and I just like them for variety since I drink epic amounts of water each day. Again, probably no major impact, but it doesn’t seem to hurt so why not?
I also made delicious lactation balls with brewer’s yeast, peanut butter, flaxseed, honey, chocolate chips, and oatmeal (no bake!) which were great to snack on. I think the most important things are to hydrate well and try to eat a nutritious diet. I still take my prenatal vitamins daily and supplement extra vitamin d. A lot of what is marketed to tired, desperate mothers is probably more marketing than effective. But you do you!
Clothing & Bras: I (naively) did not realize how necessary a wardrobe adjustment would be after breastfeeding. I did not want to stretch out everything I owned, so I purchased some breastfeeding tops from Amazon and more recently found great V-neck dresses that are easy to throw on, I can wear to work, and I can pump and breastfeed without any issue: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B085FW3ZK9/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o05_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
H&M has quite a few nursing tanks that are lightweight and great for summer.
Favorite bras:
-Kindred Bravely nighttime bra
-Kindred Bravely sublime sports bra
-Dairy Fairy - meh - very expensive bras and they were not as nice as expected. Also they charge for return shipping which was a bummer.
I’m waiting on shipment of options from Target, so might have more to say on this.
DO NOT get the Motherhood Maternity nursing bras! They are too cheap and you want good, strong, supportive bras when you have boobs 2 - 3 times larger than what you’re used to.
Wait to buy a ton of bras until your milk comes in! I thought my boobs had finished growing during pregnancy and boy was I wrong! When I got engorged in the early days, I was busting through what I had purchased … and then I’d deflate and be fine so yeah, have a variety of sizes and options and keep the tags on until you’re certain you like what you’ve got!
Favorite Products:
Saline spray & nipple balm from FRIDAMOM
Lanolin cream (there are alternatives if you have an allergy or are against the origin of this stuff, but it does work)
Silverettes! These were the one thing that helped me heal, especially when my nipples were so raw, I couldn’t have them rubbing against any fabric.
My breastfriend pillow
Pumping:
FLANGE SIZING. Ugh. The biggest issue no one ever told me about. I started using 24mm with my spectra, then sized down to 21mm, and am now using 19mm. I probably should’ve been using 21’s to start, and unfortunately the LC’s were not as helpful with flange sizing as I expected. Apparently your nipples will change size/get less swollen as time goes on, so have various sizes at the ready. Maymom makes great flanges and they’re cheap and from amazon - you don’t have to get the branded stuff.
Also there are adapters that make medela parts work with a Spectra, so if your hospital has Medela pumps like mine and is giving you extra parts, TAKE THEM! I’m currently using an all medela set up because I had so many extra valves and membranes and I liked their flanges that have silicone edges better than the typical Spectra ones.
I know most people are told NOT to pump early on, but I did because my baby wasn’t feeding super efficiently and I wanted to start my freezer stash for my imminent return to work (going back at 11 weeks PP) + my husband started giving her bottles of expressed milk early, which has made the transitions between bottle and boob seamless, and a few times I’ve been able to pump and go to bed while he gives her a bottle and stays up a little later. If you have an oversupply or are prone to clogs, definitely avoid this. My best friend stopped pumping because she was giving herself mastitis multiple times. This is a great thing to discuss with your LC.
Willow Go: I caved and bought a wearable pump a few weeks ago as a back up for when I go to work and also because it’s nice to pump hands-free. It’s definitely not as effective as my Spectra at milk removal, but the convenience is real, and I am much happier having a back up option if god forbid something happens to my Spectra. It’s cheaper than the willow and doesn’t require their milk collection bags. If it’s on sale and you’re thinking of going for it, I’d highly recommend it, especially if you have to switch to pumping more if you are working.
Haakaa: I have one. I use it usually only in the mornings if/when I’m engorged and need to relieve a little pressure for myself and my LO to get a better latch. It doesn’t really work any other time of day and most times I get like 15mL from it. There’s varying success out there, but it’s super inexpensive and worth having one for those off moments you need it. Don’t be discouraged if you don’t get TONS of milk out using it, and definitely pump if you need to give baby a bottle or you want to have some back up milk on hand.
It’s been 11 weeks. Up until the middle of week 9, I was 100% determined to make this work but was not convinced I’d make it any further. Magically, we turned a corner and I have to say, I actually LIKE breastfeeding! So biggest PSA: stick with it a little longer if you can (if your mental health isn’t suffering) because your baby will get bigger and figure things out and you can then enjoy this miraculous process.
Background: I had my first child (a baby girl!) at 37 weeks exactly via scheduled c-section because of a dangerously located fetal vessel. She was a little peanut - only 5 lb 14 oz at birth and dropped down to 5 lb 8 oz while still in the hospital. I have been EBF since we came home from the hospital - we had to supplement in the hospital for two days because of low blood sugar but once she started regaining her weight, we switched to just my milk, and she’s been thriving - moving up in percentiles and growing beautifully. DESPITE THAT, I have had overwhelming anxieties around feeding and my fair share of challenges, so I’m sharing this for anyone who can benefit. It’s also a great chance for me to reflect on what I’ve experienced the past two and a half months. Take all of this with a grain of salt since it’s a sample size of one, but I have totally benefited from reading all of your accounts, advice, and more and I would not still be BF without this community. I was hoping this could help pay it forward just a little!
Also, you don’t want to be the one googling “can my baby drink from my bleeding nipples” frantically at 3am (speaking from experience) … and the answer to that is YES, but you might see flecks of dried blood in their next stool and completely panic. Anyway …
Early days/hospital stay:
I had a super uncomplicated C-Section and had baby latched and suckling about an hour after delivery. Side note: c-sections are pretty weird and being stuck on a table getting sewn up while my husband and baby left the room … ugh. Hardest 20 - 30 minutes of my life. Getting the extreme shakes after surgery (normal) also made me a little nervous holding my baby, but I’m glad I stuck with it and experienced her latching so quickly.
Because my baby was born on the earlier side and was so small, she tended to be REALLY sleepy during those first few feedings (this persisted until about week 2ish) and she would sleep before eating enough so we had to supplement a little formula in the hospital until she started regaining weight. My advice? Get your baby on your boob as often as possible to encourage milk to come in and don’t be afraid to pump! When the lactation consultant finally came to see me about 12 hours after my surgery, she showed me how to hand express colostrum on to a spoon and spoon feed my newborn (super helpful) and also how to use the pump in the room. I got drops in the beginning but every drop matters in those early moments. Don’t be afraid/upset if you have to supplement, don’t stress because your milk takes time to come in, and ask for help. I should have advocated more to get a lactation consultant sooner but I was so out of it from surgery that I waited longer than I wanted to and I regret not making a stink sooner. The nurses were good but they only had so much time to help me and they basically said “we’re giving baby formula” without actually discussing it much with me or showing me how to express more colostrum.
Football hold was my best friend the first week or so. If you need help with it, ASK. I was initially trying to do REGULAR CRADLE with my teeny baby because I just didn’t know any better.
Bring a breastfeeding pillow with you. My hospital pillows were crap and I could barely move while I had my catheter and IV in, and trying to maneuver a squirming, screaming hungry infant while tethered without any pillow support was a nightmare.
The worst part of the beginning was the pain. Oh my the pain.
I stopped taking any and all pain killers from my surgery after about 3 days. I had to keep a bottle of Motrin on my nightstand for breastfeeding pain for much longer. My nipples just could not handle the constant friction/wetness/contact/whatever and I waited way too long to do anything about it. Start the lanolin/nipple cream early. Like, before you even go to the hospital if you can. Your nipples need moisturization and love as much as possible. It’s really hard to heal them once they are ruined but it can be done. Honestly, time is the biggest factor - letting my baby grow (and get a better latch over time) and letting my nipples adjust were absolutely necessary, but definitely lean into any products that work for you. Coconut oil is great too!
If you are committed to BF, let everyone around you know that you need their support, not their “we can always switch to formula!” quips when you are gritting your teeth during yet another feeding that day. I very firmly told my husband and mom that I needed them to be cheerleaders, not naysayers, and most importantly, I needed them to hear me complain that BF is not always such a magical, mysterious, earth goddess experience. It can be! It’s starting to be! But in the early days, it’s really damn hard and sometimes you just need to vent and not feel guilty. I also did ZERO housework or food prep the first couple of weeks and feel ZERO guilt. I know this is not a reality for everyone, but I needed lots of help, and I let down my stubbornness and asked for it. This really is most possible with a support network.
Myths/concerns/other observations:
- Not everyone leaks! I have only leaked once, when my baby decided to give an extra long bout of sleep (oh that glorious one time stretch of 6 hours!). I was so excited! And then I haven’t leaked since then. I have the feeling my supply regulated fairly early and is just super responsive to what my baby is asking for and that’s fine. I wish more people said this because I had supply anxiety for weeks because I wasn’t leaking through shirts, which brings me to my next point …
- Your supply is probably fine. I can’t say for sure but I do see so many people like me who are trying to up their supply. If you’re eating and drinking enough, and your baby is gaining weight, generally happy, and outputting well, then everything is fine. I needed multiple lactation consultants and pediatricians to remind me of this before I could finally exhale and trust myself.
- *Bonus to not having an oversupply: fewer clogs! So far (KNOCK ON WOOD) I have not had any scares with mastitis and only one serious clog I was able to massage out (extremely painful to do)
- Babies don’t necessarily follow patterns, or do what other babies do, or make any logical sense at all. Just go with it. This has been the hardest for me. One day she’ll nurse 8 times. The next? 16! Sometimes it’s 45 minutes on one side. Sometimes it’s 8 minutes on each. Is there any reason for it all? Nope. Babies gonna baby.
- Breastfeeding does not make everyone lose weight. The saddest myth of all
I’ve been so excited to get back into my pre-pregnancy wardrobe (well, the nursing friendly stuff at least) and just feel like me again and it’s not happening. My weight has not budged in the slightest for the past 8 weeks, despite easing into more exercise, eating healthy, etc. etc. I think my body is afraid there will be a famine and my baby will starve. Excellent job evolutionarily. Not so excellent for my body image. - Tongue ties. This is going to be controversial and I will say DO WHAT YOU FEEL IS BEST. My baby had a persistent shallow latch, and I was getting frustrated with dealing with pain and constant feedings so when I went to an LC around week 7, my baby was diagnosed with a posterior tongue tie. I went to the pediatric dentist who said that we should cut it, but there would likely only be about a 5% improvement in what I was experiencing. Sorry, but I just don’t see that as sufficient to make my baby go through the experience and then have to do painful exercises for weeks. I decided this because a) posterior ties are not necessarily in need of cutting depending on how restricted your baby’s tongue is and b) my girl was gaining and growing so well. I figured I could tough things out a little longer and re-evaluate as needed. Now, 4 weeks later, she’s feeding so much better and I’m really, really reassured I did the right thing in NOT getting the ties resolved. I have this strong feeling that they are overdiagnosed, and mothers are sold that getting them cut will resolve any and all BF issues. That *may* happen for you but it also may not so trust your gut and read up on tongue ties before doing any procedures.
- Lactation consultants. I loved going to see them - my insurance covers unlimited visits! - and I saw two different LCs a total of 3 times. They were lovely. They were kind. They were helpful in some generic ways. But they did not wave a magic wand and make BF easy. I kind of had the misguided impression that any and all issues would be resolved after a consultation or two, and that just isn’t the case. There is SO MUCH with BF that varies and is difficult, and that really needs to be advertised. I know public health wants every mother to breastfeed, but pushing it without acknowledging realities probably leads to more people STOPPING instead of persisting through the inevitable challenges. That being said, it’s nice to have weighted feeds for reassurance, and they can help talk you through what you’re dealing with.
- You WILL resent your partner. You will wish your partner could lactate. You will wish your partner could have razor blades slicing through his nipples. You will stare at your partner snoring at 2am and have a strong inclination to scream. I have a great husband who has been taking the best care he can while also having to go back to work earlier than I would have liked, and even with all of his love and support, I still resent him for being a man sometimes. It’s natural, we laugh about it now, and you will get over it (and also have super strong emotions of love and bonding thanks to all the crazy hormones raging through your body).
- Have a strong netflix queue ready ahead of time. So much time on the couch. Might as well enjoy it!
- Find ANYONE to hold the baby while you sleep. Every minute of sleep matters. Get it whenever and however you can.
-Oatmeal: no effect noted. I still eat it regularly because a) it’s delicious, and b) I can make a big pot and keep it in the fridge, reheating individual portions - it’s fast, you can add lots of fruit and peanut butter to it, and it’s a warm meal that takes very little effort
-Fenugreek: I took tablets containing fenugreek for a bit after I got my thyroid results and talked to my endocrinologist who said all my function was normal and there shouldn’t be any contraindications. I *thought* (placebo) I saw an increase, but since I’ve stopped, my supply has stayed the same, and I’m fairly convinced they gave me some upset stomach issues. Probably not necessary and there are some people for whom fenugreek is counter productive.
-Brewer’s Yeast: I still have this fairly often because I don’t mind the taste at all, I can add it to smoothies and/or oatmeal, and it’s high in protein. But I doubt it does anything for my supply.
-Body Armor: I drink the lyte versions, and I just like them for variety since I drink epic amounts of water each day. Again, probably no major impact, but it doesn’t seem to hurt so why not?
I also made delicious lactation balls with brewer’s yeast, peanut butter, flaxseed, honey, chocolate chips, and oatmeal (no bake!) which were great to snack on. I think the most important things are to hydrate well and try to eat a nutritious diet. I still take my prenatal vitamins daily and supplement extra vitamin d. A lot of what is marketed to tired, desperate mothers is probably more marketing than effective. But you do you!
Clothing & Bras: I (naively) did not realize how necessary a wardrobe adjustment would be after breastfeeding. I did not want to stretch out everything I owned, so I purchased some breastfeeding tops from Amazon and more recently found great V-neck dresses that are easy to throw on, I can wear to work, and I can pump and breastfeed without any issue: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B085FW3ZK9/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o05_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
H&M has quite a few nursing tanks that are lightweight and great for summer.
Favorite bras:
-Kindred Bravely nighttime bra
-Kindred Bravely sublime sports bra
-Dairy Fairy - meh - very expensive bras and they were not as nice as expected. Also they charge for return shipping which was a bummer.
I’m waiting on shipment of options from Target, so might have more to say on this.
DO NOT get the Motherhood Maternity nursing bras! They are too cheap and you want good, strong, supportive bras when you have boobs 2 - 3 times larger than what you’re used to.
Wait to buy a ton of bras until your milk comes in! I thought my boobs had finished growing during pregnancy and boy was I wrong! When I got engorged in the early days, I was busting through what I had purchased … and then I’d deflate and be fine so yeah, have a variety of sizes and options and keep the tags on until you’re certain you like what you’ve got!
Favorite Products:
Saline spray & nipple balm from FRIDAMOM
Lanolin cream (there are alternatives if you have an allergy or are against the origin of this stuff, but it does work)
Silverettes! These were the one thing that helped me heal, especially when my nipples were so raw, I couldn’t have them rubbing against any fabric.
My breastfriend pillow
Pumping:
FLANGE SIZING. Ugh. The biggest issue no one ever told me about. I started using 24mm with my spectra, then sized down to 21mm, and am now using 19mm. I probably should’ve been using 21’s to start, and unfortunately the LC’s were not as helpful with flange sizing as I expected. Apparently your nipples will change size/get less swollen as time goes on, so have various sizes at the ready. Maymom makes great flanges and they’re cheap and from amazon - you don’t have to get the branded stuff.
Also there are adapters that make medela parts work with a Spectra, so if your hospital has Medela pumps like mine and is giving you extra parts, TAKE THEM! I’m currently using an all medela set up because I had so many extra valves and membranes and I liked their flanges that have silicone edges better than the typical Spectra ones.
I know most people are told NOT to pump early on, but I did because my baby wasn’t feeding super efficiently and I wanted to start my freezer stash for my imminent return to work (going back at 11 weeks PP) + my husband started giving her bottles of expressed milk early, which has made the transitions between bottle and boob seamless, and a few times I’ve been able to pump and go to bed while he gives her a bottle and stays up a little later. If you have an oversupply or are prone to clogs, definitely avoid this. My best friend stopped pumping because she was giving herself mastitis multiple times. This is a great thing to discuss with your LC.
Willow Go: I caved and bought a wearable pump a few weeks ago as a back up for when I go to work and also because it’s nice to pump hands-free. It’s definitely not as effective as my Spectra at milk removal, but the convenience is real, and I am much happier having a back up option if god forbid something happens to my Spectra. It’s cheaper than the willow and doesn’t require their milk collection bags. If it’s on sale and you’re thinking of going for it, I’d highly recommend it, especially if you have to switch to pumping more if you are working.
Haakaa: I have one. I use it usually only in the mornings if/when I’m engorged and need to relieve a little pressure for myself and my LO to get a better latch. It doesn’t really work any other time of day and most times I get like 15mL from it. There’s varying success out there, but it’s super inexpensive and worth having one for those off moments you need it. Don’t be discouraged if you don’t get TONS of milk out using it, and definitely pump if you need to give baby a bottle or you want to have some back up milk on hand.