Vacation hell

[qity]

Title is maybe a little bit overkill, but it feels appropriate. We’re on a tropical vacation with a 8 month old and 2.5 year old. As well as my parents, spouses parents and a few other relatives. I thought it would be a little teensy bit of a break for us because all family members offered to help watch the children, but somehow it’s become 10x as stressful as just being at home with the kids alone full time as a SAHM. Naps and bedtimes take forever, tantrums are abounding, the “help” usually amounts to someone staying in the hotel room while the kids are sleeping (which is already my rest time but whatever). On top of everything, our shitty Air B&B is a complete disaster with AC that doesn’t work, sinks that don’t drain, barstools that are unsafe, broken appliances, roaches, etc etc. probably the most non-baby friendly place imaginable. I feel like from morning to night I’m on full cortisol stress mode putting out one fire after another. Baby is also in a stage where she wants to held 24/7. My nerves are so frayed and it’s obvious. I hate being in such close quarters with zero privacy when all I want to do is have a little mommy mental breakdown. Seeing everyone else let loose and relax by the pool is making me completely furious and I feel awful about that.

Not sure if anyone can relate and I can’t believe I’m turning to Reddit to vent, but I’m just on my last leg. And we have 4 days left. It’s just hard to spend this much money to be this stressed.

ETA: Y’all are so awesome. I feel so much better reading these responses. Have asked for an hour each morning to sit by the beach completely alone and husband has agreed.

 

[allison10101]

@qity It’s not a vacation. It’s a trip. It’s just parenting in a foreign place without all the stuff you usually have. I learned a long time ago not to expect any help from my mom or in-laws. I just plan to do it all. It sucks, and it makes me really bitter. Just keep on keeping on!

 

[beloved_prophet]

@allison10101 Could have written this exact same thing.

 

[anne97]

@qity Any ‘vacation’ for us now with kids with extended family (grandparents, aunts, etc) is 100% NOT a vacation. No one helps with anything useful, my toddler gets all riled up and I’m exhausted. Honestly it’s less stressful staying home and keeping to our routine. We still do things like this to creat memories but I’ve started giving myself a day or two off after the ‘vacation’ ends when my toddler goes back to daycare before I have to go back to work to have a mini vacation from my vacation

 

[qity]

@anne97 Such a good idea!

 

[tryingguy64]

@qity Every time we go to a big family event and people say "There will be lots of hands to help with the kids" ... It's a FUCKING LIE. And I've fallen for it enough times to finally stop thinking I'll get any amount of break. I think the other adults mean well, but they get busy talking and enjoying themselves while I chase a toddler around a house filled with breakable things. Knowing I will not really get any extra help has made it easier to say no to certain invitations.

 

[gtdispomed9093]

@qity Ugh we have a trip (to hell) coming up in a few weeks. We are driving 4 hours one way (that’s 4hrs without stops) to visit and stay with my in-laws who we barely get along with. Oh yeah and we have an almost 3yo who has hit the threenager stage HARD and the baby will be 6 months old. Both kids only sleep when their routine is followed to the letter. The baby is EBF and my stepfather-in-law is a creep so I’ll have to hide away to feed the baby. I won’t have any of the luxuries of home I use on a day to day basis (swing, jumperoo, nursing pillow, baby’s bassinet) that make life waaaaay easier because we don’t have space to pack them. It’ll be up to me to make sure everything both kids need is packed. Plus pack for myself. The baby hates his car seat when he’s awake and feeds quite often and is the blow out king so needless to say it’s NOT going to be a 4 hour trip. I’ll be stuck squished into the middle of the backseat between both car seats. And that’s all before we even get to the destination and the real hell begins. I’ve had heartburn for weeks because I’m so stressed about this. So I feel ya. Solidarity mama. I don’t know how we will make it through, but we will.

 

[tshimangadzo]

@gtdispomed9093 Hell no. Why even bother going if you and your SO barely get along with them?

 

[net]

@gtdispomed9093 Don't. Go.

 

[annaliseh]

@gtdispomed9093 Oh no it looks like you’ve tested positive for COVID, I’m so sorry

 

[jimmyd]

@annaliseh So I don't watch a lot of instagram/tiktok, but I saw one of a little boy blandly saying "oh no," in a very faint tone and this made me think of that and laugh out loud. "oh no....too bad, we can't go..."

 

[coffeemate]

@gtdispomed9093 The day you're supposed to leave on this trip, you all came down with norovirus. Trip cancelled.

 

[qity]

@gtdispomed9093 I am SO sorry! All the love to you mama. You are a warrior for doing this.

 

[coolbair]

@qity I had this exact same experience and now I refuse to go anywhere where I don't have my own space and transportation. And I only have one kid! I hate being trapped and someone sitting outside the door just makes it so much more stressful!

Maybe you and your spouse can go for a drive with just your family, grab a coffee and have a little reset. Hang in there!

 

[qity]

@coolbair The “being trapped” feeling is the worse!

 

[ronniev]

@qity I once went on a vacation like this. I now book my own accommodations nearby.

 

[qity]

@ronniev Laughing out loud at this. Love it.

 

[marieq]

@qity We went to Hawaii in January 2023 with our then 18 month old. The inlaws had a big place to stay with a kitchen which was helpful. What was not helpful was the amount of attitude I was getting from my bil whenever my child made a sound. I was out of the hotel the minute my child woke up and we would wander around outside until people woke up 3 - 4 hours later. My mil only wanted to do things as a group even though I was content with being left behind while the baby napped. Everyone was irritated by the scheduling situation and no one was particularly helpful. Which is totally fine ! It was their vacation too, but honestly I was so worn out by the end of the week that I welcomed a 5.5 hour flight with a toddler lol

 

[loveallandbeloved]

@qity My in laws offered to pay for everybody to go to Disneyland in January. I said HELL no. (Im also not close to his family) I’m not pulling my 12 year old out of school when she don’t even like Disney and then has to spend days getting caught up. And I’m not putting my then 10 month old on a plane. My husband wasn’t happy but when I pointed out the logistical nightmare - bottles, formula, dishwashing utensils, distilled water, purées with spoons, snacks, clothes, diapers, wipes, bibs, burp clothes, stroller, car seat - he changed his damn attitude real quick.

 

[outlawingrace]

@loveallandbeloved Ah, the logistics and mental load many don’t think about. Everyone’s like, it’ll be fun! I have a dead stare while going thru everything that needs to be done and gave an internal freak out.