midnytekitty91
New member
@rubbles YMMV but I threatened to divorce him if he didn't get it together.
I spent 9 months giving it my all to convince my husband that there was an actual problem with the division of labor, trying to get him to see the invisible labor and acknowledge the mental load. The whole time I was getting more and more frustrated by his inability to be proactive and to unwillingness to take me and my needs seriously.
One day it occured to me that it would actually be easier for me to run my house and my life as a single mom because i was not only taking care of work that should be shared but i was also taking care of him. Cooking his meals, doing his laundry, cleaning his fucking shit off the toilet.
I kicked him out. I asked him fly to his mom's house and I called her and said that he needs "some perspective."
He came back a week later, found us a therapist and scheduled an appointment for us. Things are much better now. He schedules the kids doctor's appointments, took over making school lunches (which i had been doing for years), and worked on cleaning up after himself and splitting shared tasks.
I dont know if its going to last or if we'll last. I'm still struggling with resentment. He watched me drowning in motherhood and begging him to help or at least to take care of himself. He did nothing. He tried to convince me that i was just doing too much, that the problem was my standards were too high. For 9 years I had been asking him to do more, and he argued that the problem was me instead of addressing the problem. It's infuriating.
I spent 9 months giving it my all to convince my husband that there was an actual problem with the division of labor, trying to get him to see the invisible labor and acknowledge the mental load. The whole time I was getting more and more frustrated by his inability to be proactive and to unwillingness to take me and my needs seriously.
One day it occured to me that it would actually be easier for me to run my house and my life as a single mom because i was not only taking care of work that should be shared but i was also taking care of him. Cooking his meals, doing his laundry, cleaning his fucking shit off the toilet.
I kicked him out. I asked him fly to his mom's house and I called her and said that he needs "some perspective."
He came back a week later, found us a therapist and scheduled an appointment for us. Things are much better now. He schedules the kids doctor's appointments, took over making school lunches (which i had been doing for years), and worked on cleaning up after himself and splitting shared tasks.
I dont know if its going to last or if we'll last. I'm still struggling with resentment. He watched me drowning in motherhood and begging him to help or at least to take care of himself. He did nothing. He tried to convince me that i was just doing too much, that the problem was my standards were too high. For 9 years I had been asking him to do more, and he argued that the problem was me instead of addressing the problem. It's infuriating.