@indigostarfire My husband was more traumatized by my delivery than I was at first because the fentanyl + normal hormone changes made me completely forget about a lot of what happened. As the memories came back over time I ended up needing therapy myself too.
What you are describing are pretty classic PTSD symptoms. Definitely find a therapist to speak to about this. Doesn’t have to be a couples one, you could each speak to your own individual one. Partners can have postpartum depression/anxiety/PTSD too.
@indigostarfire If your wife has this strict mentality about how things should be, then it’s going to ne tough. I really believe that having a child teaches us that you need to adapt and be flexible and ready for things to change always. You have to go with the flow. You never know what your baby will do or want and sometimes its not what we thought or planned.
Unfortunately she learned this lesson the hard way.
I really hope you can talk to someone about your trauma because you sound really affected understandably
@indigostarfire Wow…what your wife went through is a LOT! I had a 12 hour labor and I was induced. I had an epidural, but had it earlier and didn’t work anymore by the time I had transition contractions. 3 hours of those and I begged for a C-section.
@sophialkw It makes it harder to push and can slow progression in some cases because you don't feel the contractions and can't move because your lover body is partially paralysed.
@sophialkw I suffered a very rare complication from epidural but I'd still 100% get it for the next baby. Because childbirth is dangerous on its own. As you can see, you can get complication from not getting the epidural too.
@sophialkw Because it can have complications to thr woman herself, like nerve damage, leaky spinal fluid even paralysis is possible.
The anesthesiologist, who gave me epidural looked like hasn't not slept 48 hours. He inserted the needle incorrectly , and only my right side got numb. The hospital gave me peanut ball to even it. First couple weeks after my hands were hurting and knees, now even over 1 year after I get horrible back pain in the area where the needle was inserted.
They turned my epidural off, while actually pushing luckily I only did it for 10 mins until she was born because no one checked my dilation from 4 am( I was rcm) and 8 am( at 8 am a dr came in who actually listened and checked me and I was over 10). I still ended up 3b tear, when the Dr was stitching me up, I felt every needle insert in the flesh. I don't want to do it ever again
@sophialkw Yes, it can lead to a whole cascade of other interventions, which are more opportunities for things to go wrong. However in this case (as well as my own) it seems the epidural allowed her body to relax enough to finally fully dilate and push.
@sophialkw Hi! Im a woman who doesn’t get epidurals. I can tell you why I personally don’t get them.
I had one for a knee surgery at 17 and it was an absolute abhorrent and traumatic experience for me. I stayed numb for 2 days in my toes and my skin was crawling from an intense itching feeling. That is how MY BODY reacts, it’s not how everyone’s body reacts. I did not want to birth my children while experiencing that.
It can lead to further interventions. You often cannot move as much (not true for all people or epidurals, but you don’t know how it will affect you). It can slow down labor.
There is a risk of complications with the epidural. It’s not at all uncommon that it doesn’t work. It can lead to lifelong back pain, especially if placed incorrectly.
At the end of the day, as a women, it’s my choice how I give birth. I didn’t want an epidural, so I didn’t get one for my births. If there were complications, I still would have denied it and asked for a c-section or other interventions first. That’s my choice.
@macinstien Any scenario I’d be getting a c section in would be an emergency. So yes, it would be anesthesia. Epidurals are typically not used in emergency scenarios, though there are exceptions.
@tonipraise yeah- I never wanted a c section. but will end up having 2. For the first one I never made it past 4 cm after 4 days (and no epidural!) I had to have a c section although it wasn’t an emergency. They gave me the option epidural or general. The second baby, I have to have a scheduled c section (placenta previa) and they gave me the option as well.
@sophialkw Personally - traumatic lumber puncture and not wishing to repeat the same trauma. I had a very strict plan with the anaesthetic team about the most senior specialist having one go if I needed a caesarean section.
Yes, I am very aware of risk/benefits of epidurals and spinals (I’m a midwife and have assisted anaesthetists and women in getting epidurals). Personally, just was not something I really wanted unless absolutely necessary to attempt to be awake for the birth of my child as opposed to having a general anaesthetic which has higher risks involved.
Thankfully, did not need this - I had a (rapid) labour just on gas and air, moving between the bed and the toilet as I needed, and birthed on hands and knees.
Plus, I don’t like feeling numb or trapped. Being able to move is psychologically helpful for me when I’m in pain or needing to feel in control.
@sophialkw Modern epidurals contain fentanyl, which can sometimes pass through to baby and cause the newborn to test positive on a urine drug screen. Some mothers might have concerns about the effects of the meds on their newborn, and others might worry about the consequences of a positive drug screen (ex- CPS involvement)
When i was preparing for my unmedicated birth, i heard a theory that epidurals can interrupt your body’s “communication “ with the fetus during labor. When mom experiences pain (like contractions), her body gets the signal to produce endorphins, which are shared with the fetus and can help the fetus cope with the stress/discomfort of labor (labor is quite an ordeal for baby, too!) If mom is numb to the pain, her body won’t release the endorphins and baby won’t receive the endorphins, but will still experience the pain and stress of labor.
@sophialkw Honestly, just Google what an epidural needle looks like. That alone is more than off putting. Then there is the chance it won’t work, it can cause long or short term damage the worst being permanent paralysis (rarely-but it CAN happen) and sometimes it doesn’t even work. Thankfully I could still move my legs and had no complications other than back pain when bending over for about 4 months after. My plan was “I want to try without it but I might also get in there and be in so much pain that I get it” and that’s exactly what happened. I was mortified but in so much pain that I was losing consciousness and gave in to make the pain stop.
@sophialkw I could be wrong but my wife said something about there being a chance the baby comes out paralyzed. But that is extremely rare, it would happen if the epidural wad injected and flushed into the main blood supply instead of the spinal cord, and then it goes to the baby and causes something like that. But It's apparantly extremely unlikely.
@indigostarfire No that is 100% not true. That is not “rare” it is misinformation. The risks are to the mother, the chances of ANY of an epidural causing ANY serious side effects is rare. The risks are to the MOTHER - The risk of paralysis is 1 in 1 million. The risk of permanent nerve damage is 1 in 23,500-50,000.
