Thoughts on my ex leaving our 5 year old at home while she goes to the bus stop for her other kids?
- Thread starter avimay
- Start date
-
- Tags
- co-parenting
noname5137
New member
@sobetastic After my recent experiences in court, I’m pretty sure the courts aren’t going to give a shit about this. First of all- they don’t care if something bad COULD HAVE happened. They only care if something bad DID happen. You’d also have to have evidence that reaches “beyond reasonable doubt” burden of proof level. So like: in text message from her, photos of her leaving/returning to the house, a sworn statement from her, the blood of your firstborn etc…. Anyway-
Maybe I’m just cynical but yeah- the courts don’t care.
Maybe I’m just cynical but yeah- the courts don’t care.
@noname5137 Nope they don't, not unless someone is being hurt
@avimay So it depends on the distance.., etc.. but here's a suggestion.. I have a camera in my living room, and my youngest has a kindle tablet.. and a bowl of snacks.
She's 11 now, but when I had to do small 10 min trips or basic stuff to the corner bus etc.. I'd tell her to call me from her tablet if she had an issue..have her stay in the living room.. and every few min I'd check the video feed.
I also had an alexa device I could drop in and talk to her through..
She's 11 now, but when I had to do small 10 min trips or basic stuff to the corner bus etc.. I'd tell her to call me from her tablet if she had an issue..have her stay in the living room.. and every few min I'd check the video feed.
I also had an alexa device I could drop in and talk to her through..
lynnie1961
New member
cafreeman89
New member
@avimay I think 5 is a bit young to be leaving the premises for 20 minutes. Does your son have a phone? If there's an emergency, can he call you, or mom, or 911? Is there a nannycam so mom can monitor him while she's gone? None of these are a replacement for a responsible adult being on the premises, but could definitely be a valuable tool in helping make sure your son is safe.
Has mom talked with your son about what he's allowed to do while she's gone? What is okay to do, and what isn't? For example, is he allowed to eat? I wouldn't let my daughter eat if I wasn't home with her (like if I went to the laundry room in the basement of the apartment building).
Also, what solution do you want? Do you want her to take him every morning, or get a sitter? Are you willing to pay for these? My ex wasn't happy when I had a 1 hour gap where my daughter, at 9, would be home alone before I got home from work some days. But I purchased a phone and service for her, and we discussed expectations and she had resources available should something happen. Also, the apartment manager's office is across the road, so she could go there if she needed to, and there were a couple neighbors she could go to for help as well. I had it about as covered as I could. My ex offered to pay for after care, but decided I had the situation handled when he realized how much it was going to cost for 1 hour once or twice a week lol
Has mom talked with your son about what he's allowed to do while she's gone? What is okay to do, and what isn't? For example, is he allowed to eat? I wouldn't let my daughter eat if I wasn't home with her (like if I went to the laundry room in the basement of the apartment building).
Also, what solution do you want? Do you want her to take him every morning, or get a sitter? Are you willing to pay for these? My ex wasn't happy when I had a 1 hour gap where my daughter, at 9, would be home alone before I got home from work some days. But I purchased a phone and service for her, and we discussed expectations and she had resources available should something happen. Also, the apartment manager's office is across the road, so she could go there if she needed to, and there were a couple neighbors she could go to for help as well. I had it about as covered as I could. My ex offered to pay for after care, but decided I had the situation handled when he realized how much it was going to cost for 1 hour once or twice a week lol
@avimay I think 5 is too young to be farther away than down the block. My stepson is in 4th grade and our neighbor is in kindergarten and I have been thinking alot lately about how vast the difference is between the maturity of those ages and really how far my stepson has come since he was that age in his maturity level. 5 is really still so young maturity wise. And even just a few years difference changes so much.
@avimay If those were the exact texts - I think it could also be helpful for you to let your kid know that it’s important they not stay home and go until the specified age that legally is allowable. I think this would help with the main issue of your concern if your kid is the type to listen to you. If your kid is the type not to listen, then you could simply ask the mom, could we agree to never leave the kid alone until age blank? The mom not taking your advice is her own issue that hey, if later lead to you getting full custody like another person mentioned because of lack of ability to make sound judgement, that’s on her. You said it pretty simply imo but obviously no one else knows how you both used to interact and depending on that, it could affect how it’s taken. I also think that in the future, there’s no need to share about your own choices in your home since your point was already good and valid without being demeaning. The moment you shared yours it seemed the tone changed but it might be because the other person had a different perspective and is indirectly being told by your further point about yourself that you’re better at making sound judgement. Even if it may be true for this one specific thing, it is definitely not true for all things. Your efforts with giving options was really great and I think continuing that could be helpful. Partner coaching is a real thing. Parent coaching is also a real thing. Just because you both aren’t together anymore, doesn’t mean that reality doesn’t exist in any way shape or form. Best of luck to you. 