Edit: thank you all so much for your ideas and input!! It’s a great place to start, and has given me lots to think about
My oldest is 2.5, and it’s his first year being aware of Santa. I had Santa as a kid but for many reasons I was ambivalent and unsure about what I would do for my own. I think I’d like to do a happy medium, of Santa bringing a present, but an awareness that he’s just a story. Despite that, I found myself totally adding to the Santa myth this year, by elaborating on aspects of the story that my son wasn’t even interested in!!
Anyway, I’d like him to not be left out of the idea of Santa, but I’d also like to not tell him/lead him to believe he’s real. I’d love to hear from others who do semi-Santa.
@traceyn So we take our kids lead. Our oldest is just about to turn 5 and she's super into it. When she asked me this year if Santa was real I looked at her for a moment and said "what do you think? Do you think Santa is real?" She said she didn't know. I told her Santa is the spirit of Xmas, the charity and goodness. Almost all our Xmas consumption this year was 'A Christmas Carol' related: Muppets, Mickey Mouse etc so I think she decided he's a bit like the ghost of Christmas Present in the Muppets Christmas Carol.
We are also Catholic ish. So I talk about advent and Jesus birthday (we have multiple xmas birthdays so Jesus just gets rolled in there) we have some nativity books as well and of course, St. Nicholas.
Santa fills stockings and brings one toy. But Santa has a limited budget (there's a lot of kids in the world!) So if it's a big/expensive toy we will get it.
It's not like, we sit down and have a lecture though. It just comes up in conversation. And I let my husband know so we are on the same page.
ETA: I also use uncertain language around all of it "the story is" "from what I understand"
@traceyn We just talk about Santa like a legend. The same way we would talk about unicorns and trolls. We don’t say he’s real, we just say “the story goes.. or legend has it” when discussing.
@traceyn My child is also 2.5 and I’ve just kind of not mentioned it as anything real. She’s read books with Santa in it but she also reads about unicorns and dragons and fairies so I don’t think she thinks he’s real. It probably helps that she goes to a daycare that doesn’t really do Santa. When she starts asking inevitably (I suspect next year) I may start doing a single gift from Santa - when I was in grade primary I stopped believing in Santa and told my classmates, and I just don’t believe it’s fair to break other children’s hearts, but I also don’t like trying to convince my child that something is real that isn’t. I don’t believe in gaslighting, and not that all Santa is gaslighting but I know parents who went to extremes to get their kids to believe in Santa once they stopped believing (like ages 8-12) and I just really think that’s unacceptable. So I’m just following my kids’ lead. So this year no Santa since she doesn’t seem to care, but maybe next year!
@sandyoriane I agree with this. My husband doesn’t want to do Santa because his parents really pushed the idea and he believed in Santa for way too long. Like middle school. He remembers the heartbreak when he found out. I never thought Santa was that big of a deal either way. I don’t remember finding out. I just got older and mom still did Santa gifts with a little wink. She still does.
@traceyn We never said anything about santa until she did. She is almost 4 and this year started talking about santa. So we told her santa is pretend and pretending is so much fun. She will run around excited saying "i cant wait for pretend santa to come and give us pretend gifts" We don't do santa gifts but sounds like she has it covered with pretend presents coming.
@traceyn I do know that when I was like 9 or 10 or whatever and I asked my mom to level with me, she told me: Santa was never, ever a lie, just not the whole story. Santa is too big to be contained in one man or one person, at Christmas we are all Santa. And everyone taking part in the magic of Santa only makes it stronger.
@willywonkadummy I’ve been upfront with my kids and explained it to them this way from the very beginning. I alway explain that Santa is like any other magic creature like Mickey Mouse or Snoopy (were in So Cal). I say that I’m Santa and that the idea of Santa is magic, but the person is not real. My kids are 6, 4, and 17 months. The 4 year old doesn’t quite get it, but the 6 year old does. We don’t do Santa presents or elf on the shelf (except as a decoration), but they do get full stockings!
@alanfriend I feel that. I think for me as the child, I enjoyed graduating into a new piece of adulthood and becoming a custodian of this secret for the younger children in my family. I never felt betrayed.
@willywonkadummy Yes! As the oldest it was really fun for me to be in on the secret and see the excitement of the younger kids. I don’t remember being upset when I learned “the truth,” I was more proud I figured it out (and caught my dad filling my stocking)
@traceyn We were planning on going light but daycare amped it up. Santa brings them 1 small present each, no electronics because elves aren't solder certified. I'm sure my 6yo is pretty skeptic but he's kept it quiet around the 3yo.
@traceyn Reposting my response from my bumpers group conversation about this:
Growing up, my parents presented Santa as more of an idea than a man in a red suit. They explained that we all carry the Santa magic in our hearts, and that it means we have a duty to be kind, generous and thoughtful in order to bring the Santa magic to our family and friends. The idea that giving gifts is a gift in itself was a big part of it, and meant that our Christmas's were small because we didn't buy gifts just to have gifts, they were all thoughtful. It also meant that we never spoiled santa for others, because that was part of the Santa magic...once you were in on the secret, you were able to cultivate the magic for others. It was a nice way to bridge the santa-as-commercialism issue.
@traceyn I guess I'm in the minority here, but we're doing Santa the normal way. He's a guy in a red suit who flies around on a sleigh pulled by reindeer, and delivers gifts. He goes down millions of chimneys in one night, and somehow magically keeps his white beard free of soot.
I don't expect my kid to believe forever. If he makes it much past age 6, I'll be nudging him and encouraging his own logical thinking.
The spirit of the season exists outside of Santa, especially for followers of different traditions, so I don't plan to conflate the two.
@patim22 That’s what I plan on doing too when my baby girl is older. I actually think that believing in Santa, and then stopping believing in Santa, is a really good experience for kids because it teaches them that sometimes, even if everyone tells you something is true, they’re wrong - either they’re mistaken or lying. And in the mean time, they get some magical holidays.
Believing in Santa teaches skepticism, and skepticism is important for realizing that an assumption you have could be wrong. Like, once someone realized that cigarettes are actually not good for you after all. It was important for that person to have skepticism!
That said, if my daughter asked me point blank if Santa was real, I’d be honest, unless she was really young, in which case I’d deflect and tell her “the stories/legends say...” etc.
We don't do santa gifts but sounds like she has it covered with pretend presents coming.