The fiance wants security

[cloveerforever]

Hey guys,

Got myself into a pickle.

1. I'm depressed b/c I had to close my business to make 1/4 more cash as per her request durring her post partum depression. Still not to expectations. 75k CAD. SHE WANTS 100K. Have house and rental income. Make 12000k per month, both of us combined.(we make the same)
2. Drank after work to take the edge off today... her ex drank.my family has a history of functional alcoholism. She No tolerance for self soothing using alcohol.

Ultimatum presented: sort my shit out. Aka; no video games, & no liquor. Or we break up.

First fight. Super bummed she's 10 years younger. I love her. Nut I'm over worked and tired of missing the mark on her expectations.

 

[ankit]

@cloveerforever Hot take, any woman who has minimum income demands is not a woman I'd stay with. Maybe be glad you weren't married yet. No matter how young/ hot she is, it ain't worth that shit.

 

[cloveerforever]

@ankit Ok starting to think I'm not taking crazy pills.

 

[brightflame]

@cloveerforever you might not be taking crazy pills now, but you might have when you still had more easily exercised options but didn't You might not be married, but having a child sure complicates this.

i would have a really straight up convo about expectations and needs..yours, too..and try to work a compromise here so neither of you are on the edge.

 

[cloveerforever]

@brightflame I have but her mind and expectations keep getting more restricting. I asked " am what I'm doing right now meet your expectations" answer: yes, but your drinking mid week is irresponsible. And for that you have a week to decide on weather you want to lose all this.

 

[brightflame]

@cloveerforever wait.

'your expectations of me making 25% more that we dont need is unreasonable. it causes a lot of stress, not only b/c of the demand, but the lack of understanding, which i deal with by drinking more. I need you to stop this and also quit threatening me, its not good for us and certainly LO".

Is her PPD being treated?

 

[cloveerforever]

@brightflame It was treated. Nad she's over it and feels as though it's unfair I didn't go though something similar.....which is starting to feel like it's happening now. I did everything possible to keep all out shit together. Lost a lot. Put up with a lot of blame from her family b/c they saw me working more then helping her with her condition.(they distrust my ability to take care of her now b/c of thet time) it's rough. You guys are slowly getting g the whole picture.

 

[brightflame]

@cloveerforever

feels as though it's unfair I didn't go though something similar.

did she actually say this?

 

[katrina2017]

@cloveerforever Are you getting YOUR expectation met? Relationships are two ways, two people trying to give what they can to the other person. If it's only you putting in the work and making the sacrifices, is that something you really want to get into more seriously?

 

[cloveerforever]

@katrina2017 True enough.

 

[clevername]

@cloveerforever Ever think that this bullshit is contributing to your mental health and addiction?

Relationships are a team effort that demand compromise, not ultimata. Helping someone through PPD by picking up the income slack is compromise. Being forced to shut down your business permanently so she doesn’t have to work is not.

 

[1astrokiid1]

@ankit As a mum and woman, agreed. I’d love if I earned more or my partner earned more (wouldn’t we all?) but this is batshit.

 

[vire70]

@ankit Meh, despite being a decade less experienced than him, and taking a majority of the childcare (while he plays video games) she makes the same salary as him - and until recently made more than him. And on top of that, he seems to have started problem drinking.

She seems frustrated her partner isn’t as motivated as her, and doesn’t seem to be pulling his weight in generally, especially now that they have a kid that is dependent on them being successful.

 

[lonely_loser]

@vire70

taking a majority of the childcare

He said this in another post?

 

[mccra76]

@cloveerforever When I lost my job, my wife stepped up to the plate and said "I got this" til I found work again.

Everyone deserves to have someone they love and loves them back.

 

[splendour]

@mccra76 Exactly. This is what people who love each other do. Not some transactional bullshit.

 

[blandaw]

@splendour Sometimes, in certain circumstances, transactional can work for a couple IF they came into the relationship with functional and independent finances. Granted "keeping tabs" will kill your relationship, but there's a lot of "money personalities" and sometimes people thrive on it.

 

[katrina2017]

@blandaw Had to double check what subreddit this is. I swear this thread has repeats in r/personalfinance and r/personalfinancecanada

 

[splendour]

@blandaw That’s fair, it does work sometimes with the right people.

 

[mayaelizabetht]

@mccra76 Same.