@rengb121 I appreciate the thoughtful response and I think your feelings are valid. I’m obviously biased in my opinion but I do think IF your child enjoys sleeping next to you (I know some kids who truly prefer to sleep independently) and you crave that connection, there’s no reason not to explore different ways to achieve it through bed sharing. From the emotional perspective, there can be a special bond you develop by spending those extra non awake hours together (again, it’s not an all or nothing approach, even if it’s once a week or a few hours in the early morning it’s equally as enjoyable). I could never see someone regretting it if they are open or wanting to try it. I don’t believe you’d be causing any damage to the routines you’ve established and I think you and your partner should be on the same page about opening up your bed to your child on a consistent basis in case the tradition sticks.
It’s also very practical for travel purposes but I think the emotional reasons for doing it are far more significant than that.
I feel like I’m rambling so I’ll end it here. There are countless ways to bond with our children but if your heart is telling you to take advantage of this time and share your sleep space, try it! Because there may come a day when your children won’t be interested in it and it would suck to have any regrets about it.
@rengb121 Anecdotal, we have a sleepover night once a week with our 8 year old. We have a floor bed in our bedroom, it originally was for trying to get the toddler to sleep in the same room but separately(that was a funny idea) but he's still cosleeping with us. For us, it works. There's no whining about sleeping in our room the rest of the week anymore.
@rengb121 Not advice but just wanted to say try not to regret the past. We usually don’t cosleep but I have through some rough times and we never get good sleep when we do that. It is sweet but it usually leads to more resentment in my case and exhaustion as well…. We’re all happier when we’re sleeping in our own spaces
@rengb121 My sister and I co-slept with my mom growing up. We fear sleeping alone now. She sleeps in the living room always. I have to have somebody in the room with me. It’s a hard habit to break.
@rengb121 Remember that this is an iterative process that you can modify as you go! Communicate clear boundaries (only on Thursdays) and bring it up throughout the week (tomorrow is Thursday and we'll all sleep in the big bed!).
@rengb121 My daughter is 18 months and she has slept in her own room since 4 months. We sleep trained because I wanted to be able to go to bed later than the kids and have sex with my husband. Also, I don’t allow my stepdaughter to sleep in our bed and I didn’t want to be unfair.
I agree that I feel like I’m missing out on cuddles, so we put a mattress down in her room and I will try to lay down with her for a while at bedtime. She will not cuddle. She has ripped my hair out. Body slam my stomach. She kicked my eye socket so hard that I saw stars and thought I was going to go blind in that eye. Makes me sad but I’m scared for my life sleeping with her.
@karac My kid was like that when cuddling with me until they were closer to 3. Now it’s mostly soft and sweet with the occasional elbow in the rib and kick in the face.
@tammyasks Ok then maybe OP has a better shot at it I’m not giving up though, I just wear a hoodie and prop myself up on the elbow lol. Once my pinky falls asleep it’s crib time.
@rengb121 I think it’d be fine especially if you link if with some other ritual (pizza night or movie night for example). I’d do a weekend to enjoy the morning sleep-in snuggles
As a kid we were allowed to come snuggle with my parents in the mornings like 6AM or later and they are some of my fondest sensory memories of childhood. Feeling so warm and cozy and safe in a big puppy pile of parents and siblings.
They also laid down in bed with us at bedtime most nights, to sing and snuggle and tell stories.
@rengb121 My daughter has "sleepovers" we me once a week. She falls asleep with us, then goes to her bed. No one sleeps well we found with cosharing. I just can't take little feet to my back and elbows to the face. I found it cut down on the "I had a bad dream" middle of the night visits where she would take over the bed. Ither kid just wants you to lay down with them in their bed at bedtime, its enough for them. Try it out, see how it goes.
@rengb121 We co-sleep with my three year old a few times a week and we both love it. He sleeps well between us in a king bed and the snuggles are wonderful. They grow up so fast! We co-slept from birth for the first year (it’s common here, Doctor was totally fine with it) then he was in his crib 100% of the time for two years. Since moving him to a twin bed he crawls in with us every now and then and it’s been lovely.
My toddler was doing a great job with her hatch light. She'd stay in bed until it changed colors and stumble out. One morning recently she got up early and came to my bed. I was very tired and disoriented and didn't realize what time it was, so I just pulled her in bed and she snuggled for a bit before we got up for breakfast.
She's gotten up early or in the middle of the night almost every single time since then. I'll have to reset the whole 'light is red so we stay in bed process.
Find other ways to get snuggles without disrupting anyone's sleep routine.
@rengb121 I coslept with my kids and made them a room when they were like 4 and nearly 3 just in case they felt ready, and both of them, right away, slept in that room and never looked back. I have always tried to make sleep a fun thing, and I think that's why they're such good sleepers still. They're independent and relaxed when they sleep.
I think, like with all attachment parenting, as long as you do it for the right reasons, it leads to independence through feeling safe and confident. If these sleepovers are fun and light and cuddly, they'll be fine. If they lead to detachment other nights, it might have an adverse effect because it'll make the detachment all the more noticeable.
I’m not giving up though, I just wear a hoodie and prop myself up on the elbow lol. Once my pinky falls asleep it’s crib time.