So much pain

[yadayah]

@noboundlove We all go to therapy.

 

[nerissa1969]

@yadayah Do you still have custody or visitation with your kids?

 

[yadayah]

@nerissa1969 I have physical custody right now. They see him about once a week. We have mediation this month

 

[katrina2017]

@yadayah The fuck is happening with your daughter? Why do your kids even go over there? Why isn't the 13 year old in jail?

 

[yadayah]

@katrina2017 I took every single step to make sure my children are okay and he still feels this way. My daughter(and son) is in therapy and has her own issues. I understand that what happened to her is horrible. She’s not the one who is thinking about hurting herself though. I can’t just minimize my other child’s emotions because what she is going through. The now 14 year old ended up getting four years probation.

 

[tharseo]

@yadayah Jesus…

 

[yadayah]

@tharseo Yea… it’s just a lot to deal with for all of us. I am so angry about the outcome. Especially because he admitted to doing it twice in front of the police. I hate the justice system. If he was an adult the DA said that he would have gotten 30-life

 

[tharseo]

@yadayah Nope. Rape even against young children (if they’re female) is one of most under punished crimes. The justice system doesn’t care about sexual assault especially not of female children or adults. It’s a slap on the wrist

 

[tigerraye1]

@yadayah That is a really sensitive and difficult situation to deal with. Talk with a therapist but also don't feel that you and possibly another significant other of yours ( mom, sister, etc.) shouldn't talk regularly about the situation and also finding some kind of traumatic event that will be a positive life changing experience. ( going to the zoo, a live sporting event, etc.) Just my thought and idea. r/SpotsySingleParents James

 

[yadayah]

@tigerraye1 Yea I have them both doing gymnastics twice a week and we just got a trampoline.

 

[landscape_guy]

@yadayah Family therapy for you and the kids is definitely necessary. You need professional help to navigate this and how to best support your children.

 

[lawenforcerofficer1992]

@yadayah You should be in touch with the CPS, police and a professional therapist. You should rearrange your family rather than bothering from input from people here.
Maybe your husband is the crux of the problem, if this is what he does when you put boundaries in place.
Be a warrior, you have some heinous transgressions to deal with rather than just simple hurt feelings. Good luck and slay.

 

[yadayah]

@lawenforcerofficer1992 I think that I was needing positive words or something when I wrote this. All of my emotions are just all over the place and I’m exhausted.

 

[yadayah]

@lawenforcerofficer1992 I contacted CPS and emotional abuse is not worth looking into I guess. I called the police. We go to therapy.

 

[lawenforcerofficer1992]

@yadayah So, you told them about the rape? That’s a heinous crime and you need to be mad about it. Don’t cover it up. You need to let your anger fuel you because you need to protect your babies. All hat really matters is protecting your little girl.

 

[yadayah]

@lawenforcerofficer1992 I called the police when I found out about the rape. He was tried and is on deferred probation until he’s 18. The son does not live with my ex. I’m not covering anything up.

 

[blademan9999]

@yadayah That is so much for you all to go through! You are stronger than you think and you and you’re kids will get through this. Find a counselor, for kiddos and you. Yes, it’s hard and time consuming, but worth it. And just be there for the kids. Check in with them. Just hang out. Go for walks, watch tv. Let them know there you are a good stable presence. And don’t forget to care for yourself, because you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you can help others.

You got this.

 

[yadayah]

@blademan9999 Thank you for your kind words. It is just hard. I just needed to get it out. I have to put on this brave face all of the time and be strong for them. But, I felt like my heart was exploding when I heard him say that. I want to take the pain away and show him that he is worth everything.

 

[faithreader]

@yadayah Take him to a Church thats good that can help you and your family please .

 

[footprintinjapan]

@yadayah I wish I had a perfect answer for you. I know you're hurting a lot. Yes, counseling, but that's not magic. It will help eventually but in my experience it will take a year plus before your child will open up to a counselor. Is it possible to spend time with your son, just being together. No pressure, but just time together. Watch him play video games, take a walk, sit with him and read a book while he does homework, or whatever. Just knowing you're there beside him might help. Yesterday when I got home from work, the first thing I did was plop down on the couch next to my daughter. I just sat there, watched whatever she put on the TV, leaned against her a little, didn't really talk much, just sat with her. We've been really struggling together and I swear I noticed a difference in her after that. Idk, maybe it will help your son? Everything you're going through over the last few years is huge and awful and I'm so so sorry. Make sure you are taking care of yourself too.