Shouldn’t do this, shouldn’t do that…

@lostconfused Good luck with your pregnancy!! The one thing I wish I had learned about was the 4th trimester ahead of time. I was so focused on the pregnancy part I didn’t take much time to learn about postpartum!!
 
@kittymeow1919 Oh yes, thats understandable! I am a bit of the opposite where I am thinking a lot about the 4th trimester, and not so much the birth lol (some of that might be fear of how the birth will go though).

My plan is to try and take some prenatal classes that involve both about labor/delivery as well as newborn care - my hubby and I have no experience with babies so we are hoping that maybe taking a class will help get us going.

Luckily we also have a large family nearby that is fully vaccinated and more then willing to help out with baby girl :) I am excited! (nervous too....but excited)
 
@lostconfused That is wonderful you have a great support system. I do too and that has made all the difference. My husband works 12-13 hour days so my mom and MIL come visit us every week. Having a break to take an uninterrupted shower is amaaaaazing! It sounds like you are on top of everything tho with taking a class for both prenatal and postpartum! I wish I had done that in hindsight but covid made it hard and I didn’t research virtual classes. My husband and I had no clue anything about babies. We never had even changed a diaper before!
 
@kittymeow1919 Babies don’t even make melatonin until around three months, you can’t spoil infants. As long as your sleep schedule works for you, that’s all that matters. Developmentally most doctors say you can’t sleep train until around six months, we did the TCB method and pretty slowly. Really though, there’s nothing wrong with snuggling your baby or nursing to sleep if you’re okay with that. I think people worry it will become an issue later, but just ignore.... everyone has opinions and none of them matter except you and your SO being on the same page! Also, many pediatricians are crap and I think family doctors are the way to go. Pediatricians know nothing about breastfeeding and I’ve been so unimpressed by them. Doctors aren’t Gods, they’re just people. They can be wrong.
 
@kittymeow1919 It is so disheartening, confusing and frustrating as a new parent to read all of the “tips and tricks” on the internet. I co-slept with our baby most nights as a new mom and breastfed to sleep out of sheer exhaustion and always felt so guilty. Our daughter is now almost 11 months and she has slept most nights in her crib since 5 months. Looking back I wish I never shamed myself because it was exactly what she needed at the time. We never sleep trained her and she puts herself to sleep for naps and bedtime. Do what you feel is right and please never stop snuggling your baby to sleep if they need it! I honestly believe they create such a good bond and feelings of security with this. Good luck. You got this!
 
@kittymeow1919 Somebody already said it, but I can’t find their comment again! Anyway, babies in general seem to just be terrible sleepers and often parents get stressed out thinking their baby is a bad sleeper when they are likely just doing baby things like waking up a lot and needing soothing to sleep. I think the babies who don’t need nursing/rocking/soothing to go to sleep are in the minority. I didn’t realize this with my daughter and I thought I was doing something terribly wrong. Most likely she was an extra bad sleeper, but it wasn’t because I had nursed her to sleep in the beginning, or because of anything she or I did. It’s just how she was! Having strategies helped on really rough days, but they didn’t always work. The biggest change is I now know I’m not alone, lots of babies seem like bad sleepers when they can’t lay down and go to sleep on their own 🧐Even though it doesn’t make sense for them to be able to do that.

Also, for anyone else who reads lots of articles and then gets stressed out because you’re not doing it the “right” way: I once read an article about how in the wild if babies cried they would be at risk of being attacked by an animal. The article encouraged moms to always preempt the cries. I stressed myself out for weeks on end thinking that because she cried to let me know she needed something, I was failing. I wish I had never read that article!
 
@kittymeow1919 To be honest, I struggled with this for MONTHS. You read all of these things and you hear about everyone telling you it bad…. But you know what? I don’t care. If feeding my son a bottle before he sleeps helps him fall asleep in 10 minutes versus me fighting an over tired baby for an hour, I’m gonna give him the bottle! I look forward to snuggling my little guy to sleep every night. They are only this little for such a short time that I don’t wanna miss a snuggle. Not a single one for what I “should” be doing. Do what works best for you and you little one. Whatever it is that helps them and you sleep and enjoy every second of that bonding.
 
@mas0n Yes! me too! i read everything and felt like a failure. i wish i could go back in time to be kinder to myself, block myself from the internet, follow his cues and trust that it’ll be ok.
 
@kittymeow1919 Babies made it before the internet and all the way back to the cave. The internet (& mother in law opinions) is good for positive tips and for ‘absolutely-don’t-do’s’. Everything else in between is subjective.
 
@kittymeow1919 When they are 3 months or younger I’ve heard it’s best to follow babies lead. I don’t rock or feed her to sleep at night when we put her to bed but for naps throughout the day I sometimes do. It really just depends on how fussy she is and the situation.
 
@kittymeow1919 I gave up on the internet months ago. I just go by what my LO is telling me and what my gut tells me. When she was tiny we called her little miss sleep anywhere because she would go from playing to asleep on the floor in like 2 seconds. But then as she got older she started getting cranky and we realized because she was more active she was less likely to sleep on the floor because she wanted to keep playing...but she was getting overtired. So then we started putting her down for naps in her room. Now she is 10 months old she has 2 naps a day in her room, it takes her less than 5 minutes to go to sleep either in our arms having a cuddle, or cuddling her blankie toy in her cot, and has a bottle to sleep at night. We didn't do any formal sleep training or anything. Just go with what feels right.
 
@kittymeow1919 Yeah I have a 7 week old and I agree all that advice is bullshit. These are the times to enjoy bonding with your baby and fall in love with each other. It’s cruel and unusual to expect a helpless newborn to self-soothe only. Agree 100%. I love doing the 5 S’s with him because how it calms him, and he falls asleep calmly looking into my eyes. It’s one of the best feelings to comfort your baby. Internet advice is BS. Although, drowsy but awake sometimes works, sometimes doesn’t. I take it as baby that’s not in deep sleep, but tired while not being overtired, is put in his bed. As far as nursing, mine literally falls asleep right after he starts eating lol (at night). Idk why someone expects parents to deprive baby of that comfort. Sleep training can start when they’re around AT LEAST 4 months, but ideally later, according to our pediatricians’ personal preferences. earlier than that, it’s cruelty. They call it 4th trimester for a reason. That’s my rant to your rant :)
 
@kittymeow1919 100% agree !!!!! I have found r/attachmentparenting to be a glorious safe haven to have conversations about baby sleep that include nursing to sleep or co-sleeping or really any other baby sleep techniques heavily stigmatized in the USA & Canada. I suggest you check it out for a breath of fresh air in other parenting perspectives!
 
@kittymeow1919 My first was a terrible sleeper thanks to colic and reflux, both of which the health visitors refused to believe he had until he was about 5 months old, at which point I’d started problem solving myself!!! I did so many things the internet said I shouldn’t, all because my instinct told me it was the best way forward for my baby. He’s 9 now and happy, healthy and has zero issues with sleeping even though I coslept/rocked him to sleep/held him all the time etc. He’s always been a confident little boy, even when he was small, all my cuddles and love didn’t seem to ruin him for future life in anyway!

I now have a 1 week old and I can hardly bare to put him down, he’s so adorable and I never imagined I’d be a mum again, so everyone can sod off if they think I’m limiting how much attention I give him, lol. He’s my baby and he will be well cuddled and soothed to sleep in anyway he needs. So long as we’re keeping them safe and following the guidelines that actually do matter (this is relevant to me as I do cosleep again at times) then I think all is well and we are doing a good job :)
 
@kittymeow1919 I’ve learned as a FTM of a nine week old that you can’t spoil a baby! They have NEEDS…. They aren’t manipulating you into holding them and feeding them and rocking them just because they want you to. They need these things!! My baby sleeps in the bed with us because that’s what works for him (don’t come at me for that 🙂) He’s fed to sleep. He likes to be held by his momma. And he will be fine.
 
@bfkm No way would I come at you! I’ve co slept with my daughter a few nights when I really needed to get sleep! We all have to do what works the best for us !
 
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