Should I take parent leave now or later

[jidavy]

I’m in a privileged spot where I’ve accumulated a lot of vacation and have a great paternity leave policy through work.

Our daughter is due in May, and my wife will be on leave until October.

I was planning to use 3 weeks vacation time after birth.
Then go back to work full time until my wife’s leave is over.
Then take paternity leave October to February.

Alternatively I could tske May to October off to match my wife’s, but we’d have to enroll in daycare sooner.

I’m torn. Our original plan logically makes sense for keeping her out of daycare as long as possible, and daycare is insanely expensive. But I keep seeing posts about how amazing bonding time is in the beginning.

 

[shaughnessyym]

@jidavy What if you split the difference? Take PTO up front, then start your leave 2-3 weeks before your wife’s is over to spend more family time.

Wife/mom here - we did your original plan - my husband took a few weeks up front and then took his leave after mine. A few points:

• There isn’t as much bonding in the early weeks as you’d think. Babies are still in potato phase and not interacting as much. Not that it’s not fun! But IMO the bonding really increases later.
• It was a huge benefit to my husband to be home with the baby alone. It really increased both his confidence as a dad and his bond with the baby. It’s just not the same watching them when someone else is always there with you. I saw a major change in their relationship after he did his leave and I was honestly amazed.

 

[jidavy]

@shaughnessyym I really like this plan. We get some overlap for family time and I get solo time too. I’m just a bit self conscious that I’m “not doing enough” or “not supporting my partner after birth” by only taking 3 weeks in the beginning.

 

[godsgatekeeper]

@jidavy If you can I’d bump it to at least 6 weeks in the beginning. That tends to be a turning point for a lot of babies

 

[aihi]

@godsgatekeeper On parental leave now and baby just hit a month. Agree bonding time is not optimal now bc the baby doesn’t really react much but my wife really needed the help. Honestly, after seeing this, I have a new level of respect for moms that do it alone. I would use at least a month with mom if u can bc it’s really hard. Sleep deprivation is real and and her body will be trying to heal on top of it. I think waiting would be more fun for you but mom will need u the first month.

 

[shaughnessyym]

@jidavy I think ultimately it really depends on you and your partner and how you feel, as well as how your baby is doing. For us, of course the first month or two was really hard, but my husband using his time later on was much more useful to us than in the beginning, if we had to pick.

 

[pssu]

@jidavy I elected to take my 8 weeks of daddy leave all at once right after my daughter was born. My wife gets 18 weeks. I could 1.) NOT see leaving her alone with the baby before 8 weeks. She’s well and truly exhausted and needs the help. And B.) I get the vibe that I’ve I’m back to work, I’m not going to have the time or freedom to be like “Hey, I only took 4 weeks daddy leave, and I know it’s been like 4 months, but I’m gonna go ahead and take another two, and save the last two for maybe around Christmas…” they’re just gonna be like “But you have deadlines…”

 

[jidavy]

@pssu Where I live, you have to take parent leave all at once. However, as a non-birthing parent you can choose to start at any time in the first year.
It doesn’t require management approval. NG original plan was that id be choosing to start in October.

My first 3 weeks are pure vacation time that I’ve already had approved. I banked that for a long time in preparation for baby.

 

[triumphantmom]

@jidavy If you're in the US at all FMLA allows you to use 12 weeks up until the child's first birthday. And also allows you to use an intermittently. I used 3 weeks vacation then 3 weeks FMLA to stay home for 6 weeks then I went back for two days for a few weeks then 3 days and stayed over on those days to help save up more and I used the last week before her first birthday to take it off.

 

[ben1996]

@jidavy I am in a similar position where work have got a good shared parental leave scheme, so I'm taking the first couple of months off, then taking another block later on when my wife's maternity pay runs out so we don't need to put nipper into childcare for as long as possible. I'm 4 weeks into the first block and it's been entirely worth it, both to have the family bonding time, as well as to support my wife through the postpartum recovery. I honestly couldn't imagine going back any sooner, and it's criminal that dad's are forced back so early.