Should I call CPS on my best friend (who's a single parent)?

[cg520]

@wrex I’m fully aware of all aspects of abuse.

If you’re bold enough, even transferring money from one checking account to another without informing the other party can be considered financial abuse. This was told to me by a lawyer that had a client that got a DV order against him for transferring money for a child’s sporting activity. Family court is pretty wild. Also, most of what you just describe actually can be documented.

And… I’m not on a high horse, I’ve just been in the trenches. And my situation worked out extremely well, so I’m certainly not bitter. I said and stand by that I have zero empathy for people that make false claims or ANY kind of abuse.

That being said, no one should be in an abusive relationship, or if they are being abused stay in one. There’s shelters, free legal aid etc…they have options other than to stay with the abuser.

I’m done discussing this with you though, have a great life.

 

[somesinner]

@zimen I don’t think CPS will take her children from her over this. My sister was in a similar situation of being so deeply depressed after a domestic violence situation that she was neglectful to her daughter. CPS sent someone regularly to check on them and gave her access to affordable childcare. They won’t take the children away unless they are being abused.

 

[estherruth]

@zimen Not too mention MORE DEPRESSION coming this mothers way. Well that’s one way to get rid of a friend. Too bad we didn’t know who she was. I’m sure this conversation WILL SPARK HER TO GET WITH IT shame on this “friend”

 

[richief]

@awesome777yay TLDR
CPS isn't always the safe haven you think it is.
I've heard plenty of horror stories and children ending up in a worse situation than before.

I would recommend reaching out to her family first if you can, if you want to be a good friend and have the ability to do so why not take on the kid/s yourself?

Lastly, be ready to lose that friend. I hope you atleast talk to your friend first vs. calling CPS and scurrying away.

 

[iamhisforever]

@richief This is my thought as well. Try to work with the grandparents instead.

My young cousin grew up with someone like this (obsessed with dates and ignoring him) and is doing ok thanks to the love and support of aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents.

 

[richbeloved]

@richief This is what I said too! So many people are oblivious and think they’re being helpful

 

[awesome777yay]

@richbeloved Well beyond the care packages I sent, the resources I provided her, the advice I've tried giving her, bringing her kids supplies and food, visiting her and her kids, playing with them, and hours almost every week for two years straight of her crying to me regarding another Tinder guy who ghosted her again (rinse and repeat) I'm not sure what else I can do that would be more helpful.

 

[richbeloved]

@awesome777yay Brutal honesty and be direct about how she’s putting her kids in jeopardy. Moving them in w a stranger is where you draw the line. Say if you ever do this, I will have DCF involved bc clearly you’re not putting their needs first.

 

[awesome777yay]

@richbeloved Ok thank you. I'll be brutally honest with her since that's what it seems like its come to at this point.

 

[richbeloved]

@awesome777yay It’s great the kids have an advocate like you! I worked in a psych hospital and had to call DCF on several people. Then I found out some shady sh*t about them (CPS). So I get it. Not a lot of people know. Good luck

 

[awesome777yay]

@richief Thanks for your input. I've had many conversations with her over the past couple years regarding my concerns. She'll usually say everything is gonna be ok, then the guy ends up ghosting her, she comes crying to me, I comfort her and also urge her to use the time to focus on her and her kids instead of dating at least for the time being. Rinse and repeat. The current guy she's talking to (who she hasn't met in person) offered to have her and her kids move in with him before May. She said yes and is really excited about it. It's all she tells me about. She's also been packing up her things. I'm worried for her and her kids.

 

[monsoon]

@awesome777yay OP this is so dangerous for those kids!! Predators will literally seek out single mothers to get access to their children, and she is making her kids the easiest possible target! This is so scary! Please do everything in your power to protect those babies and make sure this does not happen. Thank you for everything you've done for them so far. I agree with the others saying get her parents involved and make the changes happen, tell her you will be calling cps if nothing changes and do it.
This is so so so sad for those kids
Hugging my babies tighter tonight.

 

[katrina2017]

@awesome777yay Think about what sort of adult would be enthusiastic for 2 children he has no relation to moving into his home? Does that sound safe for them? The mother makes her own decisions, but those kids can't. She isn't protecting them, so you need to decide if you are going to.

 

[bajadave]

@awesome777yay Please don't listen to all these commenters telling you not to call CPS. CPS is not going to immediately take the kids away and throw them into foster care. The bar for removing children from the home is extremely high. Your friend is doing real harm to her children and (from your description) there has not been any positive progress in the last 2 years. CPS can be a wake up call and a resource. If they find deficiencies in the home that need to be addressed they will give her a plan of what she needs to do and help to do so. But if she cannot get her act together and things go downhill then removal from the home would be warranted and a good thing, not a bad thing. The kid's needs come first, not your friend's. She is the adult and needs to act like it. Also, everyone is saying to contact her family, not CPS. How does the family not already know how bad it is? Any family that could help, should have already helped. Maybe they are in denial, but CPS usually tries to place the children with family before foster care with temporary removals, so family help could still come into play.

 

[gazali]

@awesome777yay It’s a tough one really as single parenting is tough and if you don’t learn to do it right early then other habits can grow so I think if you genuinely fear for kids then do it as you’ll be gutted if something happens but again it’s a tough one as I’m not in your shoes , good luck and hope it works out for best

 

[tharseo]

@awesome777yay Why would cps do? She’s not committing a crime even if she’s dumb and putting her kids at risk.

The abuse statistics are staggering for children IN foster care so it’s really devil you know in this case since she’s not actively abusing the children

I would keep it real:

I’m worried about your mothering. I’m concerned that you’re more worried about men than about your children. I’m extremely concerned that you’re going to introduce another violent man into your kids lives. I’m worried you’re going to get them sexually assaulted because you’re not taking time to know these men and you’re not dating healthy men

Be prepared for anger and pushback but at least someone has told her

You could take it one step further and say you won’t find a good man acting the way you do because a stable man isn’t going to look for a desperate woman who neglects her children for him.

Let her know that the state which she lives in might cause her to lose her kids or get them abused by a crazy man

That she needs to tighten up for her kids and that you want to help

Keep in mind though that not everyone wants to be a better mother, she might secretly be wishing cps would take her kids so she can go back to fulfilled her romance addiction and start over without kids…

And again the likely hood her kids will get abused right now is high but it’s pretty much equivalent if not higher in foster care

 

[sbachman]

@awesome777yay Yes, I think it’s a good idea. It might help the grandparents get involved. It might allow her to better her mental health, too.

 

[minnie965]

@awesome777yay I’m going to swim against the tide and say you should call CPS. Yes, they can cause issues, but only if reacting to issues they already see. My ex called CPS on me as retaliation when we broke up, and they did their investigation, I was cleared, and I haven’t heard from them since. I don’t believe that CPS will take the children away if your friend really is taking care of them properly. If she isn’t, then you’re doing the right thing. If her kids are going hungry, they’re living in a filthy environment, and overall being neglected, then your friend needs a wake up call. I’m sorry you’re in this situation. I hope the best for everyone.

 

[mfalcon1979]

@minnie965 A child saying they’re hungry is nowhere near the same as “going hungry”.

Are you guys actual parents on this sub or what? Or do you guys just feed your children every time they whine for food until they contribute to the obesity epidemic in this nation?

Because my child eats when it’s time to eat. Maybe there’s a snack or so in between but not arbitrarily. I count the calories in the food and know she’s getting exactly what she needs that’s well into the healthy range for her age

 

[crownedforgiven]

@awesome777yay Just a thought can you take her kids in your home .Ask her and see what she says that your friend and if that doesn't work .Call CPS