@cl870228 My son is 16 going on 17 (December birthday) and man... we've been in that space for a while now. Hormones, adhd, trying to fit in, reluctant to do homework... it's an experience. I've had my "fed-up" frustrated days as well. My son pushes so hard that I wish he could join the military now vs. later (he wants to join the Air Force after college).
Then, what seems out of nowhere, he wants hugs, to lean on me and rest his head, to have me just breathe and take refuge from the world that is big, unkind, scary to navigate, and tells me he loves me. It's hard, AF. I'm not going to lie. it is a roller coaster that I'm done riding, it's exhausting!! I will say that my son is empathetic, enjoys car shows (he tells me facts about Lambos, Vipers, Challengers (Hellcat usually), builds all kinds of structures using Legos, and engages in thoughtful conversations with me.
I remember thinking that if I could make it through his first year of life, it'd get better. It did. Yes, I thought it would be so much easier parenting an older kid. On some levels, yes (covid. I'm grateful my kids can work an oven, help order groceries, and entertain themselves), but the days are getting away from me. It's feels like I'm wide awake, and now I'm hoping that when my kid goes into the world he'll be able to keep himself alive, make good decisions, do well in college, and build his own life. I'll always be here. Yes, parenting is difficult, growing is difficult, finding your way is difficult, being pushed on the daily is difficult.
I see and hear you. I could write a novel on how parenting is the most difficult now in a world of "instant access and gratification."" I do remind my 16 year old that we're growing together. I tell him that grace goes both ways, and his dad and I are doing our best. Give yourself grace. Take a step back. You're frustrated and possibly feeling out of control. It'll be ok. You love your kid... this is a test, in my opinion, for your kid to see how long you'll stay. My son pushes me, and no matter what... I'm still here.
Weirdly enough, my kids are among the few kids that have parents married...to each other... for 20 years. They've memorized their friends "schedules."
Team work makes the dream work.