Sad News today

@safat Sorry to hear, man. Happened to us as well back in February of this year. I’m 35 and she’s 34 so we knew that it was a possibility. At week 9 or 10 we got results back showing a positive test for Turners syndrome. We went back in for more tests and found there was no heartbeat. Not fun.

The good news is my wife is pregnant again and we’ll be 16 weeks tomorrow! Having gone through everything in our first go around, it has us feeling cautiously optimistic going forward.

It was super helpful hearing how common miscarriages actually are. I had no idea, but it seemed like almost all of our friends who have happy and healthy children all have their own story or two. People just don’t talk about it openly, it seems.

You guys will be alright. Sending positive vibes - good luck!
 
@safat So sorry to hear this friend. My wife got pregnant our first month of trying and we were so thrilled! Unfortunately it ended in a chemical pregnancy at week 6, and we were just crushed from it. If you do end up losing the baby, experience all your emotions and hold each other tightly. It is going to push you as a partner hard and you owe it to each other to be each other’s rock at different points.

For what it’s worth in our story, we got pregnant again the second month after trying and baby was born at 28 weeks last week! She’s really tiny but an absolute fighter like her momma
 
@safat I'm 47 and wife is 42. We had our first child in May, 10 weeks early, he's doing well. In fact I'm nap trapped as we speak. We're hoping for another as soon as we reasonably can (early next year). We haven't had any losses that we know of, though we suspect a couple of chemical pregnancies early on. It took us about a year of trying, noting that her progesterone was a little low (luteal phase defect) and her tubes were partially blocked, which were cleared via HSG two months before we conceived our son. She was also on supplemental progesterone due to the luteal phase defect. These two issues are pretty common in women of advanced maternal age and each will make conceiving difficult, but are easy to address.

That said, if we could go back in time, we'd have frozen eggs and sperm a long time ago, just in case we needed to go the IVF route. If that's something you can manage right now, my advice would be to get ahead of that, like an insurance policy. Then if you need it later, you'll have your younger sperm and eggs on standby.

Also a reminder that there's nothing either of you did wrong. Non viable is non viable. There's no fixing that, is an unfortunate part of the larger process.
 
@safat Not to give anyone false hope, my wife was misdiagnosed with a miscarriage Around 6weeks into her pregnancy. We were 5w5ish days and went to the ER because she was spotting for a few days and we weren't sure what was going on. It's extremely hard so early because dates can be off, and even a few days makes a massive difference.

Doctor said it is 100% a miscarriage and referred us to a pregnancy loss clinic for a D&C. We had a follow up ultrasound to confirm at 8weeks and when we got there, there she was. She's now 32+4 and due on Sept 23.

That being said we waited for 2 weeks thinking it was a miscarriage, we grieved, we cried and my wife shut her emotions down. It's a hard thing to go through, regardless of how long the pregnancy was, that was your baby.

All I can say is if it does happen to be a miscarriage support your wife, take time for yourself, feel the emotions and don't try to hold it all in.
 
@safat I'm sorry. There aren't words that can make the pain go away, but I want to share my story in case it gives you some hope.

My wife and I found out we were pregnant 7 years ago at age 30 (me) and 29 (her). We were over the moon! However, that was short-lived and we were devastated to find out she had miscarried at 7 weeks. Devastated however doesn't adequately describe what it did to my wife. It fucked with her for 3 months. She bawled her eyes out and was just generally depressed. She hated her job (administrative assistant) and quit. She was a lost soul.

Then, she slowly found the strength to move forward. She decided to go back to school and got her Nursing degree. She has been a Nurse now for 2 years and we are better off financially and emotionally than we were 7 years ago. In December, we found out we were pregnant again at 37 and 36 and were very guarded this time around. Things however have been great, despite our worst fears of losing another one.

With our baby girl due this month, I can tell you, from where we were, to where we are now, there is hope to be had. We don't know why our first miscarriage happened, but I do know that if we hadn't lost that first baby, my wife would still be doing bitch work in a job she hated. She is happy now and that is the most important thing to me. Things worked out better than we ever thought they could, even when we thought things would never be ok again. Basically we could only see darkness, but we have been blessed with so much more than we ever could have dreamed of the second time around. Light can shine through the darkness.
 
@joshuahannan Thank you so much for your story and sharing it like that. That truly does give me hope. What I keep trying to remind myself is that the body knows, and if this kiddo wasn't right this time around that's okay. It's hard but it's something I've stuck to.

I'm so happy to hear things turned around for you. I'm hoping we'll have a similar story to share.
 
@safat I’m sorry. Our first was a miscarriage. There was a lot of anxiety with later pregnancies. What helped was talking to the doctor—she couldn’t guarantee anything, obviously, but she pointed out all the healthy aspects of each pregnancy and said she’d be surprised if it didn’t work out.
 
@jnel Our doc is amazing; super direct without being rude or insensitive. We had a kind of shitty first ultrasound tech that made us worried, but outside of that her provider has been nothing short of fantastic.
 
@safat I feel ya man. I haven't shared my story on here because it's still rather fresh but recently we had to let go of our baby at about 21-22 weeks due to genetic conditions that meant a death shortly after birth.

We've also had quite a hard time having a baby (first an ectopic that made natural pregnancy pretty much impossible) and have been slogging through the IVF system for several years now. With covid and the abysmal wait times in Canada, we likely won't get another shot until early 2023.

There are still days when I get very close to tears. It's been difficult but all I can try and do is be strong for my wife because this has been a terribly traumatic process for her.

Edit: note- I'm 33 now so around the same age

Good luck my man
 
@safat I’m 30 and my wife is 37. We lost our first pregnancy at 7 weeks back in December. It was incredibly hard, just make sure to be there for each other and support each other. It did help me talking to other people who had experienced miscarriages and went on to have healthy and viable pregnancies (and there were quite a few of those people.) My wife and I are currently 20 weeks pregnant and everything has been fine so far so just remember that you have as much chance as anyone else of having a successful pregnancy in the future
 
@safat Thank you for being open and vulnerable. My heart is with you and your partner. My wife and I are in the same exact situation. I was going to actually post an update considering I made a first time post about a month ago. My wife and I are devastated right now. Seeing all of these comments has brought a little positivity in the midst of dark times. Im 28 and my wife will turn 30 in a week so we are trying to remain positive. This really hurts though.
 
@joey88 I'm so sorry my friend. It is a really awful feeling, and one I don't really think I've ever felt before if I'm honest. It's like the opposite feeling of when we learned about her pregnancy, it's this awful creeping sadness that won't let up.

If you want to commiserate, I'm here. I know hearing everyone else's stories has helped me feel less alone for sure.
 
@safat I have this fear. My SO and I are both in our 30s. Every time I don’t have a symptom I assume something is wrong and even when I do have symptoms I tell myself I’m being crazy. Our first appointment is Friday and all I can do is pray. Pray the baby is healthy and growing and safe. I hope you do find a way to try again.
 
@safat Peace to you and your partner and the little baby my friend - look after yourselves and each other through the grief and good luck if you choose to try again.
 
@safat Hang in there. I feel you on this one, 2 years ago we found out that wife is pregnant but she is in pain and was bleeding. Turns out it was ectopic and lost her left tube. I am so devastated for my wife. We weren't able to conceive again for 2 years, and it pains me to see my wife really wanting to be pregnant again.

We only just got pregnant again last month and we are so nervous now but thankfully this time its not ectopic but its very hard for us to be happy because of the past loss.

I hope the best for you both. I hope someday all of us can be happy to be granted of our wishes.
 
@safat We had a similar situation, where our first try was found to have stopped developing during week 6, but we didn't know until week 10. It was mostly emotionally draining for her to realise that she carried something dead inside of her for a month.

We were pretty open about it, and it helped. I now know only of one woman with two or more kids who never had this experience. The obgyn also said that in her experience, a misscarriage often made fertile ground, i.e. a new and succesful pregnancy can happen quickly. My partner was very.. vocal in hurrying up with the second try, and we have our first check next week.
 
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