Rough start

[paulamasu]

Hi guys. Hoping I’m not jinxing myself. Super early, 5.3 weeks here. IVF pregnancy. I’ve had a rough 6 months, after 3 egg retrievals and 1 (successful?) FET I’ve gained a significant amount of weight. Double digits. With lifting hard 4 times a week, 12-15k steps and tracking my macros. I was never tracking perfect but my habits never changed. The meds destroyed my body and somehow it responded differently to food. I am absolutely miserable. I was excited to see a positive test and having positive betas but I’m so angry and ashamed- instead of starting my pregnancy looking like I live a healthy lifestyle and now disciplined I am, I’m starting it looking like I ate myself pregnant. I’m so miserable. I’m still tracking but since before I was eating on my lower end of maintenance, I am more lax and allowing myself t go over a bit because why not. I almost cry every morning. I don’t recognize myself in the mirror and nothing fits. Even going to the gym is hard because I’m so ashamed of how I look. I also have all this guilt for not feeling happy enough. Just needed to vent. I have some hope that maybe once I stop the estradiol shots and the progesterone some of this bloating will go down and maybe I’ll get lucky and have some aversions or nausea (so far I was just super hungry for two days) but I just hate this. I was looking f forward to pregnancy knowing I was fit and proud… I’m too depressed to even take pictures. Having a really hard time.

 

[sylviaduncan]

@paulamasu My one retrieval destroyed me. I cannot imagine how you are feeling after 3. I’d be gentle on yourself, your hormones have gone on a crazy journey for the last 6 months and they’re starting another one.

Weeks 4-8 I was so bloated that I looked extremely pregnant. I’m at 13 weeks now and my body is all over the place from day to day. I talked to my OB and she basically told me not to think about my weight until the we see each other again at 16 weeks. First trimester is just about survival.

Give yourself a some grace, you’re growing an entire human and you just put your body through a lot. Also you’re not alone in hating pregnancy. I want this baby more than anything, but I hate being pregnant. I’m just hoping the second trimester gets better

 

[paulamasu]

@sylviaduncan I don’t hate being pregnant yet! I honestly don’t believe it’s real yet because I don’t feel pregnant. I HATE what it’s done to my body. I just don’t recognize myself in the mirror. I feel like I look awful. I can’t concentrate on anything and I’ve never been less productive. I’m just depressed. Especially since it’s so early.. I try my best to not be a dick to myself but everytime I see myself in the mirror I have a meltdown. I just look fat. Not pregnant, fat. the entire shape of my body changed. I’m just resentful you know? I don’t know how this happened.

 

[dancereda]

@paulamasu Girl I feel you so much. I feel exactly the same way.

 

[wpdp]

@paulamasu Also IVF pregnancy. 2 egg retrievals. My 5th FET. It’s so hard but in the grand scheme of all of life this is only a season. Your body and you have gone through a lot!!! It’s doing what it needs to do to survive through it all and grow another human. Be proud of your body and be proud of yourself to have gotten this far. Give it some grace. It is so so hard to do I know. Hang in there and congrats!

 

[almunday]

@paulamasu I feel you, 3 retrievals last year and 2 transfers and I gained weight and look softer and don’t recognise myself. Got pregnant at my heaviest I’ve ever been. So grateful to be pregnant I cry every day with happiness, but I think I’ll always be envious of people who don’t have to go through ivf and lose fitness / gain weight / go through so much to get here.

I keep reminding myself all I can do is be as healthy as I can be but go easy on myself, and how good it is now to not be going through ivf !!