refuses to use Parent app

[sarahsisterinchrist]

@fizzywig You have a court order with dates and times. You really shouldn't need much communication, especially if its toxic. If its not followed, file contempt, each and every time. Quit responding and ignore and only use a kid specific email address for all communication, no real need for an app if you do this. Set up the email, let him know this is how it is and how it will be, then block his number.

I went from insulting phone calls at all hours, then walls of texts, then long emails, I quit answering the nonsense 2 years ago, now its crickets. If you email me nonsense or don't clarify, or ask multitudes of open ended questions, I'm a black hole.

You don't need a lawyer to enforce personal boundaries.

 

[fizzywig]

@sarahsisterinchrist We never have followed that schedule. Biggest waste of money and 2 years of drama for him to say, you really thought I was going to do any of that. And he has done none of it, yet fought me so hard on silly stuff like luck up at 7:15 vs 7:30 on Tuesdays.

How is an email different than text?

Love your last statement. Will remember it and it has helped so much

 

[stefana]

@fizzywig Email is better than text.

1. You can set up a folder where all email from him goes so it doesn't even end up in your inbox. Thus reduces being bothered all day.
2. Easier to print out for court if needed.
3. Not following the court order is the issue. Mt ex and I follow it and rarely have to communicate.

 

[fizzywig]

@stefana Yeah #3 would make my life easier. But it would require him to be a responsible parent vs just the fun dad. Also it would allow me to actually plan my free time better, so he would never do that.

 

[stefana]

@fizzywig Then you message him to start following the order.

 

[rugbyreb]

@fizzywig I disagree with email.
Some are ridiculous and persistent and will use it exactly as text are used.
Family apps have user friendly calandars to put in sports times and training etc. And scheduled visits.
With tus there is barely a thing left to put into writing.
Easily printed for courts via the app converting it to pdf, and at least where I live it's recognised by the courts. With access options for third party (lawyers etc).
It's great that email can work for some, but I value my sense of peace and calm too much. I pay the app for that sense of peace and calm

 

[muddlion]

@fizzywig Mine reads them - but doesn't reply. Coparenting is the worst. A daily regret- good luck

 

[mikeirvan]

@fizzywig Is it ordered or did you just ask him to use it? If it isn't ordered there isn't anything you can do to make him use it.

It won't stop those kinds of messages, its his choice if he chooses to continue unfortunately, and may or may not deter him. All it will really do is give you stronger documentation of his behavior if you go back to court.

 

[fizzywig]

@mikeirvan My suggestion. I really am hoping he can look at the calender, see what she's got going on and then request her that weekend. All i have to do is say confirmed because he can read the calender. Maybe my expectations are too high for the app but in hoping it reduces or eliminates conversations. I don't really provide updates cause he doesn't care so the scheduling is the biggest thing

 

[stefana]

@fizzywig We share a Google calendar. It's free.

 

[fizzywig]

@stefana Maybe I'll phrase it that way. Didn't help with communicating but think it'll reduce some of the back and forth.

 

[mikeirvan]

@fizzywig Only thing you can do is say these are the orders, this is what we are going to follow.

That eliminates a lot of conversation for you guys and a lot of his ability to use schedules and other stuff to get to you.

 

[mikeirvan]

That or make a calendar, send it in an email that says "please reply via email confirming your dates and pick up times for your parenting time" and leave it at that. Leave it easy and business like

 

[kevin_wright]

@mikeirvan Personally mine IS in mediation agreement, but she still didn't use it.. and when it has been mentioned no real ideas of enforcement come up.. it's just oh can you bear it basically... Curious if anyone has ever had any real consequences for not using it.. what would that even look like? Can't see them reducing her custodu or anything drastic for not using it.. not to mention that would be basically punishing the kids as well

 

[katrina2017]

@fizzywig Yeah interesting, wondering if anyone has any experience with this, what looks worse to a judge? Someone withholding visitation because they are not communicating correctly (like blocking texts/calls so that they will use the app—when they don’t use it you have no way of hearing from them or planning visits)? In short, will they say you’re alienating or will the judge say that the other parent is in the wrong for not using the app (if court ordered)?

 

[fizzywig]

@katrina2017 Very good point. I wouldn't block because what if there's an emergency and she's with him.

 

[katrina2017]

@fizzywig Get her a phone or have him call your mom who can call you. There have been times my ex hasn’t replied to me about something urgent and I’ve had to text/call his mother. Sucks to do that but if other people are willing to help limit the conflict…and at least the procedure is there for you to say 1. Use the app or 2. Text one of my family members. If you don’t respond on the app, that’s on you. If they don’t use the app, that’s on them and there is a boundary. The apps work just as fast as a text but it documents everything and can be used in court so it also holds a boundary. Healthy boundaries..

 

[fizzywig]

@katrina2017 I'll consider it. I don't want to burden my family with him

 

[bkblank]

@fizzywig My ex has multiple times refused to use the talking parents app. It has gotten So bad that I only respond with talking parents.

He hasn't checked it in over a year.

The last time there was an issue I did not call him I did not text him I went to the talking parents app, And he was trying to say that I did not communicate with him at all.

So I am now absolutely refusing to accept any of his calls or any of his text messages. He can contact me strictly through the parenting app. If he refuses hes going against the court order and hes already broken that multiple times!

So in your situation, I suggest you do the same thing. Every time they try to contact you via text message just immediately say talking parents or the name of the parenting app that you guys are using and continue the conversation over there. you physically go over there 1st. And say yes what do you need or whatever you wanna say.

 

[katrina2017]

@fizzywig Block him on your phone. Let him know all communication will take place on the app or via email, period. Let him continue sending texts to the abyss if he wants to afterwards. Sooner or later he'll get that you're not playing around.

Also, the reason he doesn't want to use written communication is so there won't be any permanent record that he's talking sh*t to you. By making him use the app or email he'll watch how he runs his mouth.