Prepare me for the family battle...!

[beverend]

First time mom here. I’m due in April and absolutely set on cloth diapering but I already know my grandparents and parents are going to be vehemently against this. What sorts of comments/questions should I prepare for? How did your family react to
Your decision to cloth diapering?

P.s. they absolutely have 0 clue what modern cloth looks like. I’m excited to show them but it’s gonna be tough to get past their initial horror and mental images of a big sack with a pin like the old days.

Many thanks

 

[panzerkamfwagen]

@beverend I didn’t announce our intention to cloth diaper, to anyone but my mom. She attempted it in 1990 with some gerber prefolds and plastic pants, and it didn’t go well for her, so she imagined it would be the same. Once she saw the diapers we had and how they worked, (prefolds trifolded in covers, and some AIOs) she was fine with it. Most other people either don’t notice, or think it’s interesting and ask some questions. We have a small set of AIOs for when other people watch her, and no one has taken issue with it yet.

 

[alreadyhere]

@beverend "I was always afraid I'd stick the baby with a pin"

"They don't have pins anymore, they're great. The ones I have are snaps or velcro, or they make this neat little contraption-"

"Oh boy, I stuck my daughter with the safety pin once and I just felt so bad"

Ok, but is this a funny story of when you were a new parent or is this a warning? Because I just told you about snaps and I don't think I even own safety pins.

Also, that you'll be overwhelmed by laundry. I do about 2 extra loads of laundry a week because of diapers. It's not going to kill me.

 

[moes]

@beverend To me anyone who would give you a hard time about it is probably not worth the hassle. Show them what you intend to use and if they don't like it that's a them problem. My nan was very anti cloth because why would you inconvenience yourself now you have other options! My mum used cloth with us so she was quite pleased that cloth was making a comeback. She thinks the new stuff like pockets and AIOs are absolutely amazing. MIL spent a lot of time extolling the virtues of disposables and telling us how my SIL wasted so much money on cloth and then didn't use it and we were definitely going to 'fail' too (because obviously changing your mind = failing)... She's so pissed that we're still using cloth 10 months in! My SIL absolutely loves the pockets we have, they weren't an option when she had her first, she's more than happy to use them when she watches our LO.

 

[snjeri]

@beverend My mom was skeptical (she used cloth of course on me back in the days, but old fashion cooking and sanitizing the flats version and using pins) but when I showed her a page about all the modern options she was amazed actually and anyway she knows how stubborn I can be (am a zero waster and went on a 2 year cycle trip, so have my own way). My MIL used wool covers already on my bf, and she is super supportive, she actually knitted me wool covers (I will be doing only wool and prefolds/flats).

If they respect you and accept that you know what's best for you, they shouldn't be going against you. For example both of our parents find it a bit strange that we gonna do EC from birth (I don't think they fully get it that it's not potty training), but they let us do our thing and just help when asked.

 

[morgana]

@beverend My mom was very negative about it when I was pregnant. Then she actually saw the cloth diapers and talks about how much better they are now. We actually had to use disposables at her house the other day because we forgot to refill the diaper pod and my mom kept saying how baby probably didn’t like the uncomfortable rough plastic ones and wanted her soft diapers back. People might surprise you.

 

[blissss]

@beverend We are doing flats and both my parents and his were impressed by the snappi

 

[gunslinger3]

@beverend Honestly, tell them your personal reasons for doing it, but if they try to convince you otherwise, all you need to say is, "This is something that I would like to try, and although you feel differently, I would appreciate you respecting my decision."

If they decide to use disposables (on their dime) when they watch the baby, then let them. Some battles aren't worth fighting

 

[tizzafact]

@beverend Our little one hated car rides until about 6-7 months old. She had an airways defect among some reflux/gas issues but was almost always an extremely happy and very easy going, albeit energetic, baby. My mom INSISTED until she was about 9 or 10 months old that anytime she was upset in the car that it was because her “thing” (as she referred to her cloth diaper) was too tight. My baby girl has always had quite the pot belly/muffin top despite being petite in height so it naturally looks like any diaper is strangling her (even disposables). I had a brief period of using a disposables here and there when in the car just in case my mom was right. And guess what? It made no difference. She just didn’t like the car seat. Then one day, she started loving it. Babies are fickle. I’m writing all this to say someone will probably inevitably tell you that your baby is upset because he or she is in a cloth diaper. Thank them and let them know you’ve considered the possibility but you know your child and he or she is fine.

I was really passive about all her comments and just tried to educate her on cloth for a very long time. When nothing got through, at 9 months old, after briefly being upset on the ride to my parents’ house, I could tell my mom was about to bring up the diaper issue again. I said, “If you say or imply even once that it was her diaper being too tight, I swear I will never bring her over here again.” She awkwardly laughed, and we moved on. Mind you, I’m extremely non-confrontational and come from a (loving and wonderful) passive aggressive family. She is finally, after a year, coming around on the idea of cloth (among other parenting decisions we’ve made like Montessori style learning/toys and breastfeeding). It’s only this past week or so where she asked how much money we saved by not using disposables and being amazed by that. She just said today she was to buy us a Montessori subscription for Christmas. Whenever you think people are totally ignoring you and disagree with you, it might just be them processing the information they’re given because it’s new and strange to them. You’ll be in my prayers!

 

[thisisme123]

@beverend You’re the one buying diapers, changing the diapers, and washing the diapers so their opinion is irrelevant.

People who are against cloth will blame them for anything. If baby has a rash they say it’s cloth. If baby cries they say it’s the cloth. If baby crawls on time instead of early they say it’s cloth. They’ll say baby’s hips and development will be damaged/delayed because of cloth.

Tell them cloth puts their legs in the proper position. Babies with hip dysplasia are made to wear two diapers to get them into that position. Before the 70’ies everyone wore cloth and they all still learned to crawl and walk in the same time kids do today.

Remember you don’t have to engage them or explain. Your kid, your decision.

And hey, I use flats and pins (amongst others) and it’s a wonderful diaper system lol

 

[jumjummju]

@beverend My MIL worked for Pampers for over 30 years, so the fact I have chosen to do cloth is a point of contention. One of the arguments my in laws have brought up is the “water waste” and how difficult it is to clean soap out of water. Which... I still have to wash laundry, I’m not about to stop washing my clothes because of water conservation. Secondly, the amount of oil and water waste that goes into production of disposables coupled with the fact they never break down is enough to make me know what I want to do. Additionally, cloth is overall less expensive than disposables.

My mother on the other hand did cloth with both my sister and me, but she had a service. She thinks washing is gross and that I will be too tired to do it. To which I say, plopping poop takes minimal amount of time and with the invention of modern washing machines, washing doesn’t take much time either. I can pop them in the wash and go take a nap.

 

[nateharr]

@beverend Don't underestimate the power of how freaking CUTE the newer cloth diapers look on babies - cute colors/prints will be hard to resist once they see them on your little darling . When people ignore boundaries (like other peoples' decisions on how to diaper their child), I find it helpful to have a simple, short statement that you can repeat gently, but like a broken record, for when you just don't have the energy or don't want to engage in arguing - something like "we're doing cloth, but you do you! " with a smile. Or "yup, we're doing cloth for now." And repeat the same thing over and over if needed, or just say it and change the subject - never giving a different response, so they'll eventually give up. You could even have fun with it if the response was something like "Yup, we're still doing cloth, but will let you know when we get tired of it, I'm sure it wont be long now " Then you can repeat that every month until your child is potty trained, which would be kinda hilarious (like an inside joke for yourself).

Alternatively, if you DO want to educate people and feel okay giving them your time and energy about it - you could look up all the benefits, and then just rave and rave about anything positive with it with your child. I mean, you could even take this really far and be so willing to talk about how great they are, even in the face of criticism, that people start to avoid bringing it up around you because they know it will lead to you happily waxing poetic for the next several hours (completely ignoring anything negative brought up). If they've really been annoying you and you're feeling vindictive, you could even throw in a few barbs, "Oh, well, you have no experience with the modern cloth diapers, so of course I wouldn't expect you to know..." or "well you've only used disposables, so I wouldn't expect you to understand about this..." Just know that you don't HAVE to engage like this or give anyone that time and energy, you can just do the broken record thing so you don't have to deal with it, and then let actions speak louder than words when you successfully keep cloth diapering when they thought you couldn't.

 

[beverend]

@nateharr Really good advice thanks for taking the time to write it out for me!

 

[nyanyanyan]

@beverend They can't argue with someone who won't participate in an argument. Share your decision with confidence, and if they are combative, just smile and change the subject.

My mom was mean about the whole thing and made a show of buying disposable diapers that she thought were a better choice. I would have saved myself a lot of grief if I hadn't let it get to me ... Imagine all that emotional energy she spent being angry about something as stupid as cloth diapers.

We're at 10 months. We use disposables if he has a bad rash, but otherwise we're cloth, even at daycare. It's just so not a big deal.

It's ironic how many grandparents laugh at the supposed naivety of first time parents getting wrapped up in a fantasy life about parenting, while they get wrapped up in their own fantasy life about being grandparents and can't see they are doing the same thing.

 

[becksblue]

@beverend I didn't get a lot of pushback on cloth, but I did on other things. My strategy has been to simply say "Ok, thanks" and then do whatever I was going to do anyway. (We had a lot of quiet skepticism initially, but our fam has all commented on how cute and functional our diapers are after 7 months of cloth diapering - my dad even told me he was very impressed with them!)

 

[eyetube]

@beverend My MIL didn't like the idea because she was picturing the old style squares and pins but she's fascinated by my colourful covers! They don't babysit though

 

[rucgieb]

@beverend My parents kept saying I wouldn't sick with it. They shut up when I finally asked when I'd ever told them that I was going to do something and didn't follow through. Last time we talked my mom started asking how they worked and what types there were.

 

[living4hisglory]

@beverend Honesty I just wouldn’t bother bringing it up with them. I sometimes find that cloth diapering is like veganism or crossfit, where people (my included!) talk about it all the time. But if you just don’t bring it up unless directly asked, your family doesn’t have a chance to be judgey and annoying about it

My older sister also did cloth, though through a service. They don’t have a good service where I live, so I think my family was a bit skeptical that I’d keep up with all the laundry. But they didn’t really care one way or another, we just talked about other baby stuff.

My husband’s parents cloth diapered out of financial necessity (he didn’t grow up in the US), so they thought it was a good, practical choice. Bc of C-word they haven’t met our baby yet, but when they do, I’m excited to show his mom how far they’ve come from basically towels and plastic pants!

 

[captain_midnight]

@beverend My Mil saw them and said they looked uncomfortable, big and painful and I shouldn't do it. Even after I explained to her the benefits. I mainly focused on the pros for the baby because sadly she doesn't care about the earth to convince her.
Despite that I don't think I convinced her but she doesn't mention it anymore.

My mother on the other hand told me that I'm going to prevent her from hitting her milestones because it's so thick she can't even close/straighten her legs. Therefore she's not gonna roll over and she's going to walk funny when the time comes. My baby is five months now, she rolled over twice so far with cloth diapers and has attempted many times but got too scared. I don't think the diapers is preventing her from hitting her milestones.

Though I understand why she'd think that from how bulky they look. It still hurt to be told that I'm ruining my daughter or setting her up to fail. I still cloth diaper and have struggle a lot with it. But knowing I'm doing my best is helping me push through.

It's hard and it'll keep coming my mom still throws a few things here and there but I just hold my ground. It's easier when I have a sister that's much older who is encouraging and thinking of joining me on her baby number two.

 

[cindyfernandez]

@beverend First timer here too, pretty much full time cloth (we had some disposables at the start.)

I'm super lucky because my mum did cloth and my sister is doing cloth with her two bubs. So no real conflict there, except we do liners, they don't.

For my in-laws, it wasn't really discussed too much. Now that she's here I've had "it's so good you're doing cloth" from my sister in law.

The one that made me maddest was my friend, who said "yeah you won't last" and then when the baby was born gifted us a pack of Huggies. (We gave these to another family b/c we already had tooshies by TOM) I was hopped up on those postpartum hormones and it just made me so mad.

But, if you don't talk about it, people won't know!

"Shrug, this is what we're doing." Was a good phrase.

Also the panic buying of disposables in the early days of the pandemic cemented my decision to go cloth.