Pregnancy After Miscarriage is a Mind F***

[sixskinners]

I had a miscarriage just over a year ago and now being pregnant again feels like I have PTSD and paranoia. I'm 12 weeks pregnant and any cramp, twinge, bowel movement (especially) freaks me TF out. I'm so worried I'm going to have another miscarriage and this will all be for nothing. I miss my first pregnancy experience, where I lived blissfully and overexerted myself and jokingly said things like "this baby better have the will to live." Even wearing my smartwatch has been troublesome as sometimes I see my resting HR drop significantly and I wonder if I've miscarried (the first sign of my last miscarriage). I really try my best not to worry but it's hard when you're chasing a toddler around that constantly wants to be picked up and there is so much mom guilt if I don't pick him up (he's 37 lbs and was born 11 lbs 6 oz). I type all this to say, every time I go in for an ultrasound, the baby is there, breathing and moving. Even still, once I leave the OB's office, the fear returns. Has anyone else gone through this and how the hell did you deal?

 

[rsj13]

@sixskinners I'm 30 weeks and still look down every time I pee to see if there's blood because of my miscarriage PTSD. I also worry when i dont feel baby enough and have been religiously doing kick counts. I have definitely been able to relax a lot since my first trimester where I was googling and constantly on reddit, but I don't think the worry every truly goes away completely. I just taught myself techniques to calm down and ways to distract myself by keeping busy

 

[laurence10]

@rsj13 I just wanted to add that my experience was near identical. I’m 38 weeks now and still have days where I worry about miscarriage (it is 5.55am here and I’ve been up for half an hour already because I woke to pee and had the ‘baby hasn’t woken you up with a movement’ intrusive thought). It does get easier over time, the first trimester was a pure ball of anxiety, but never fully goes away. Thinking of you and sending my sympathies x

 

[blastcat]

@laurence10 Did you have your baby?

 

[laurence10]

@blastcat I did! He is adorable

 

[blastcat]

@laurence10 Yayyy!! Little baby! I just got my first positive pregnancy test this morning after a miscarriage, and I am now googling how to avoid miscarriages

 

[laurence10]

@blastcat He’s only 2.5 weeks old so still diddy! It is easy for me to say now that I’m through the other side, but please try to be kind to yourself and stay away from googling. No amount of information will change the outcome and will just cause anxiety and upset. Sending good vibes for your pregnancy, and big congrats on your positive test!

 

[angie197167]

@sixskinners Yes until you are holding the baby in your arms, there is a perpetual concern there will be miscarriage or still birth. This is something not talked about lot about with rainbow babies. You aren’t alone in your feelings and there are lots of community resources.

 

[durans]

@angie197167 Even after baby is here, I worry about SIDS or something else happening that he won’t make it through his first year.

 

[feenicks]

@durans Me too. I cant barely sleep because I have to keep checking that he's still breathing while he's asleep

 

[petty88]

@sixskinners I am currently 32 weeks after my first miscarriage, I will say time makes it less stressful/anxiety inducing. For me the first trimester/probably second trimester was filled with constant doubt, I didn’t vocalize it but it was constant and obsessive. What helped me through is realizing that this pregnancy is a brand new pregnancy, it kind of became my little mantra. And genetically they are different pregnancy’s and they is no reason to believe this one will end badly. Looking back I wish I was able to get over this fear or anxiety earlier, or stayed in therapy longer to work through this, as i feel like it really made me not want to bond with this babe in fears of loosing her. But, every single appointment she has been doing great, strong heartbeat and great scans, my anxiety/ fear tried to protect my heart for the worst case scenario, which thankfully didn’t happen. I don’t remember when the fear of miscarriage went away, or when ever I wiped I had to see if there was blood, but those feelings did go away. And then the next thing you know she’s kicking you at night and your giggling the fact that you have a little bestie that you can’t wait to meet. Or the first time of you have a partner they feel baby girl kick, so whenever he can’t sleep he puts his hand on your belly to feel her. hang in there mama.
Another thing that really helped me was keeping busy, I luckily was able to keep working out and staying active thanks to my pup, even if it was a 15 minute walk outside with my dog rain or shine doing this really helped my mental health. And also not obsessing over this second pregnancy, the first one which ended in a miss miscarriage I was obsessive with consuming all things pregnancy related, books, podcast, YouTube channels. It really wound up being so unhealthy for my mental health, this second pregnancy I hate to say it but when it comes to learning Iam taking a way more laid back approach, what I have learned is this is a marathon not a sprint. Best of luck

 

[christianwaelder918]

@sixskinners I got pregnant twice within weeks of both my miscarriages. I feel you. It got easier as I got later in pregnancy.

That helped:

https://datayze.com/miscarriage-reassurer

 

[lostandfound123]

@sixskinners I'm currently 18 weeks and had a missed miscarriage my first time around last May. Blind faith has been really hard, especially since I had no signs of miscarriage when I had one. I've been doing therapy every other week and it has helped a ton, but that pain never really goes away, just becomes more manageable so it doesn't send me into a spiral. That has been the most helpful thing for my pregnancy, find a good therapist who can help validate your experience and bring you back to present when needed.

 

[loveworksmedia]

@sixskinners I am so sorry that you have this anxiety. I completely understand. I had a miscarriage in early May of 2022 (first pregnancy after years of not being able to get pregnant) and found out I was pregnant again in July of 2022. I spent the entire pregnancy worrying, like you, about every cramp, movement, twinge, symptom, non-symptom, etc. I have a dopler that I used religiously that helped ease some anxiety between appointments. But it wasn't enough. Besides the normal pregnancy symptoms, I did not enjoy the pregnancy due to worrying the entire time. It's so draining. Despite the positive vibes, thoughts, and prayers from friends and family, I couldn't help myself. I ended up talking to my doctor about my fears and I was put on anxiety meds that helped a lot. My daughter just turned one on Easter, and I'm five months pregnant again. I have the same anxiety and fears as I did before. The miscarriage gave me trauma that I didn't realize fully how deep it was. My daughter is in like, the 98th percentile for growth and weighs as much as an 18 month old. I'm high risk due to my age and other medical issues I had while pregnant with her. As I write this she's asleep on my chest and I'm worrying about picking her up and putting her to bed. I feel guilty about not feeling like I can care for her as a 12 month old needs, while also making sure to keep myself and the little bean safe. My advice post miscarriage and into a pregnancy, look into getting a dopler to hear their heartbeat between appointments. Also, talk to your doctor about your anxiety. If you're not into meds, ask for other resources and press upon them how serious you are. Your health (physical/mental/emotional) is just as important as your little one. Worrying and anxiety helps nothing. You got this. It's hard work and sometimes feels like we can't get out of the spiral, but we can. We are a lot stronger than what the dark parts of our mind tell us we are.

 

[randy321]

@sixskinners I am in the same boat as you. I had a miscarriage and got pregnant the next cycle and i was paranoid and thought it will be better when i can feel him. Now im 37 weeks and still paranoid something will go wrong. Feeling him move definitely helped but then when he doesn’t move i am worried haha. Sorry I am no help but just know you are not alone!

 

[randy321]

I also went through infertility for 3 years before that so my fear of something still going wrong is from that because i was convinced it would never happen

 

[rainbow71]

@sixskinners Totally get that. You're not alone.
27w tomorrow, FTM. 2 previous mc, 1 ectopic.

Always checking the toilet paper. Guilty of even checking myself while driving to see if that was just urine, or blood that came out when I cough/sneeze. Worried tight pants will do it.

It was @spiritualtranscendence to @spiritualtranscendence for a long time.
I felt baby's movements around 23ish wk. Then, it was kick to kick- which was a week or two of surprising bliss, having positive confirmation so regularly. Until baby's movements went from predictable like clockwork to radio silence.

Baby is ok, I had a full work up. She just changed her schedule I guess. She still doesn't kick as hard or as regularly as she did those 2ish weeks tho.
Even now, when she kicks it isn't as comforting.
The reason is triggering and might get you in your own head and sour the best part of pregnancy, so I cut it out.

(TW for sure)
>! But basically now I'm afraid the last kick I felt could be her last. Similar to how animals twitch after they die. So yea, even the kicks have become less of a solid confirmation.. !

 

[hrr16]

@sixskinners I'm pregnant again after 2 losses. I have had one successful pregnancy. Looking back, with 10 years between the successful pregnancy and now, I can't believe how blissfully ignorant I was the first time. I didn't even consider that things could go wrong. I never worried about ultrasounds, bleeding, cramps, test results. I have a hard time trying to describe feeling about how nonchalant I was. I'm angry, I'm upset that I was so positive, I feel stupid really.
This current pregnancy has been hard. Hemorrhages, abnormal test results, abnormalities in the ultrasounds, the year or so spent TTC messed with me emotionally too. It's like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I want to enjoy this. I'm terrified. Ugh.

 

[id1593]

@sixskinners I’m 32 weeks and had a miscarriage a year before getting pregnant with my daughter. I wish I could say it gets easier but it doesn’t. I waited until the first ultrasound, and then it was waiting until the 12 week ultrasound and then it was generic testing, getting past first trimester, getting to anatomy scan, getting to viability. Now it’s wondering if I felt her move enough during the day. I’m still scared at every appointment, every ultrasound. My husband asked me when I would feel more relaxed and I told him when she’s in my arms, but then I’m going to worry for the rest of my life.

 

[npy]

@sixskinners You’re not alone. I had the same issues in my last pregnancy which was conceived immediately after an early miscarriage. I will say…my miscarriage ptsd turned into some very bad postpartum anxiety/depression. I figured the anxiety and ocd would go away once the baby was born but it just got amplified. Not to scare you , but it would be good to talk to your care team about how you’re feeeling so you have resources for during and after your pregnancy