@myheart2yours Hm. I’ve had four pregnancies four births and have three children. I absolutely detest pregnancy, birth and postpartum. It’s disgusting, cruel and painful. I’m not brainwashed it’s just how I feel
Post on r/women surprised me
- Thread starter backfrmsliding33
- Start date
glennagail
New member
@backfrmsliding33 I was that kind of person in my 20s - absolutely disgusted and horrified by the idea of pregnancy. Now granted I had a good reason: I got in a road accident at 13 years old and got my pelvis fractured so I had my fair share of medical intervention in the genital area, excruciating pain and feeling out of control about my body. But what made me absolutely detest the idea of pregnancy was fear mongering by my narcissistic mother who constantly brought up my past trauma and talked about all the struggles I'm gonna have when I have kids. My family was overall pretty awful so it was another thing - until I was financially stable enough I knew I would have to rely on them if I ever got pregnant and I would literally rather chop off my right hand than do that.
It changed bit by bit when I reached 30, I recovered from a lot of trauma, cut off my narc mom and the rest of the alcoholic family, and started thinking for the first time in my life about what I really want. Then I realized that even though pregnancy and labor still sounded nasty as fuck I didn't want this feeling to rid me of motherhood forever. I knew that there is much more to being a parent then 9 months of gestation and several hours of labor and it is ultimately worth it.
Now fast forward I am 33w pregnant, I'm anxious about the baby all the time and as long as she is okay I'm more than happy to suck it up. But I still don't enjoy the process, it's super uncomfortable on so many levels and gross. But I chose it and I don't regret it. I knew what I was getting into.
My point is, I would have never been able to deal with pregnancy in my 20s when the fear and disgust were stronger and the will to become a mom was weak or non existent. So it's good I didn't get pregnant back then. It's quite a natural feeling for some women but it doesn't mean they won't find themselves wanting to do this anyway one day. If you told me I would willingly spend money on becoming pregnant 3 years ago I would shout at you and say you're outta your mind lol
It changed bit by bit when I reached 30, I recovered from a lot of trauma, cut off my narc mom and the rest of the alcoholic family, and started thinking for the first time in my life about what I really want. Then I realized that even though pregnancy and labor still sounded nasty as fuck I didn't want this feeling to rid me of motherhood forever. I knew that there is much more to being a parent then 9 months of gestation and several hours of labor and it is ultimately worth it.
Now fast forward I am 33w pregnant, I'm anxious about the baby all the time and as long as she is okay I'm more than happy to suck it up. But I still don't enjoy the process, it's super uncomfortable on so many levels and gross. But I chose it and I don't regret it. I knew what I was getting into.
My point is, I would have never been able to deal with pregnancy in my 20s when the fear and disgust were stronger and the will to become a mom was weak or non existent. So it's good I didn't get pregnant back then. It's quite a natural feeling for some women but it doesn't mean they won't find themselves wanting to do this anyway one day. If you told me I would willingly spend money on becoming pregnant 3 years ago I would shout at you and say you're outta your mind lol
@backfrmsliding33 My pregnancy thus far (23 weeks) has been fine too. I’ve truly been enjoying it.
The lists this person was most likely talking about has a symptom that one person commented having that makes the person who writes the list add it to the list. When someone else reads it - instead of realizing it was one of maybe two peoples experiences - they assume it’s far more common than people tend to share. Part of the “nobody told me about this in pregnancy” thing - only no one tells you because it generally doesn’t happen.
I think people just need to understand there’s risks in pregnancy to experience really any symptom that you hear in the horror stories - but it doesn’t mean you will experience any of them at all and your overall health will influence at times some of those issues.
Also, symptoms change week to week at times - and truly aren’t always “big enough of a deal” for you to be warned about every little discomfort in pregnancy - hence why the “no one told me this” stuff
The lists this person was most likely talking about has a symptom that one person commented having that makes the person who writes the list add it to the list. When someone else reads it - instead of realizing it was one of maybe two peoples experiences - they assume it’s far more common than people tend to share. Part of the “nobody told me about this in pregnancy” thing - only no one tells you because it generally doesn’t happen.
I think people just need to understand there’s risks in pregnancy to experience really any symptom that you hear in the horror stories - but it doesn’t mean you will experience any of them at all and your overall health will influence at times some of those issues.
Also, symptoms change week to week at times - and truly aren’t always “big enough of a deal” for you to be warned about every little discomfort in pregnancy - hence why the “no one told me this” stuff
@backfrmsliding33 I didn't mind being pregnant the first two times. They were easy and laid back. Third one was rough. Ended with a miscarriage at 10 weeks. This 4th time I'm nauseous and anxious 24/7. Every pregnancy is different. I was scared before I had my first. Not so scared with my second or third. But this time is like the first time all over. 
@backfrmsliding33 Some people just have a very black and white understanding of the world. Especially on the internet. I once came across a comment on a child free sub that essentially said women should have to sign a waiver before going into their profession saying that they won’t quit to be a SAHM before they can get the job. All because “women like that are taking the opportunity away from someone who actually intended to have a career”. There’s a lot to unpack there, but that mindset was very scary to me??
backfrmsliding33
New member
@lesjude Wow that’s insane !!
I almost feel bad for people who think like this. I mean, it takes all kinds to make the world but unforeseen occurrences or new experiences make life that much more interesting to me.
I watched a documentary called “generation wealth” and there was a woman who was so focused on her career, and once she hit her 40’s she decided to have a child. She had so many struggles because of her age and ended up having a baby girl by surrogacy. Thankfully she had her but she ended up realizing that so much in her life was decrepit of anything meaningful
I almost feel bad for people who think like this. I mean, it takes all kinds to make the world but unforeseen occurrences or new experiences make life that much more interesting to me.
I watched a documentary called “generation wealth” and there was a woman who was so focused on her career, and once she hit her 40’s she decided to have a child. She had so many struggles because of her age and ended up having a baby girl by surrogacy. Thankfully she had her but she ended up realizing that so much in her life was decrepit of anything meaningful
@backfrmsliding33 Personally, I do feel like pregnancy/childbirth is disgusting, but I want to have a child, so it’s something I have to go through. Plus, I feel like it’s one of those experiencing only women can have, so that’s how I’m seeing it: a one-time experience that will teach me more about being a woman and the female experience.
I don’t know what you mean by “I didn’t feel the same respect for the right to choose,” but it sounds problematic.
I don’t know what you mean by “I didn’t feel the same respect for the right to choose,” but it sounds problematic.
smweishner
New member
@backfrmsliding33 I get tired of the passion with which people DON'T want kids. Like just don't have them and move along. If your family pressures you, that sucks, but society is super antichild these days in the US at least, so I promise you, society at large doesn't care anymore.
I am a little bitter that so few people in my life besides the older generations are genuinely excited for my husband and I. And it's not like I'm popping out kids left and right, this is the only pregnancy I plan to have, I really wanted to have this experience in my life, and I'm super grateful I get to. And I find attitudes around it just.....immature and tired.
Don't have kids, or do. But stop being weird about kids and pregnancy existing in the world.
I am a little bitter that so few people in my life besides the older generations are genuinely excited for my husband and I. And it's not like I'm popping out kids left and right, this is the only pregnancy I plan to have, I really wanted to have this experience in my life, and I'm super grateful I get to. And I find attitudes around it just.....immature and tired.
Don't have kids, or do. But stop being weird about kids and pregnancy existing in the world.
@backfrmsliding33 I understand the fear. I didn’t fear it with my first and then I had a placenta abruption at 30 weeks and my baby boy is now almost 6. I’m 18 weeks pregnant and I’m terrified of this happening again or worse. Praying for the best
@backfrmsliding33 Reddit skews very anti-kids. Sometimes in a very unhealthy way.
I had never even heard of a childfree wedding until I came on reddit.
I had never even heard of a childfree wedding until I came on reddit.
katrina2017
New member
@backfrmsliding33 Reddit is full of teenagers such as myself .. we very much have a one sided view on things. And god helps anyone who says otherwise.
@backfrmsliding33 Wait, you said you don’t respect the right to choose? Or they said you don’t respect it because you enjoyed pregnancy?
@backfrmsliding33 There’s a lot of fear mongering towards pregnancy on social media it’s really weird. I commented on instagram that my pregnancy wasn’t that bad and I had like 30 comments attacking me. And obviously people have issues with pregnancy and anything can happen but I don’t hear as many “horror stories” in real life as I do online and I know people with 4+ kids. It’s like people are mad if your not suffering LOL I said my pregnancy and body were doing great and then people resorted to saying my relationship would fall apart (I’m a SAHM)
katrina2017
New member
@backfrmsliding33 Well they were probably more upset that you ‘don’t have the same respect for the right to choose’ than you being happy in pregnancy. I am a mom and that comment makes me upset as well. Do you, let others handle themselves.
@backfrmsliding33 Personally, I have found many women project their fear of pregnancy mostly because they don’t want to gain weight but I’ve also encountered some where it’s clear they want to be pregnant and for some reason, they aren’t. Maybe they’re infertile or haven’t met the right partner or can’t afford it, but often it comes across like a person who didn’t get a job they interviewed for and saying they don’t care because it was too far of a drive, anyway. But we all know if they had been offered the job, they would’ve taken it.
So I don’t actually believe a lot of women when they say they’re scared of pregnancy. It’s usually they’re scared of weight gain or they for some reason aren’t pregnant and they want to be.
So I don’t actually believe a lot of women when they say they’re scared of pregnancy. It’s usually they’re scared of weight gain or they for some reason aren’t pregnant and they want to be.
@backfrmsliding33 r/women sucks with overzealous mods. I commented on a post about the worst drugs people can do and one person said weed and I just said "it's the only one here that won't kill you". Got my post removed for arguing.
@backfrmsliding33 I hate pregnancy. But I'm on my 3rd 
. Idk why ppl have pure disgust in having kids and pure disgust in not having kids. So dumb.
. Idk why ppl have pure disgust in having kids and pure disgust in not having kids. So dumb.