Officially 1 Year TTC. Feeling defeated

[ebarnes]

I guess I just thought it would happen by now. My fiancé and I are both 24. I haven’t spoken to a specialist because when I brought it up with my family doctor in December when we were 8 months TTC (I was having irregular periods and late ovulations) he said “no one would even look at you until you hit one year.” Well, it’s here. It’s so defeating, what is even the difference of a couple months? My luteral phases haven’t changed, they’re still 9-10 days consistently. My periods are still sometimes days early, sometimes up to a week late. My ovulation is still happening between CD 17-23. We’ve never used protection, we’ve been together for eight years but we’ve only been tracking and trying officially for one year. It’s always sort of concerned me we’ve never had a pregnancy scare in all that time.

I always had this dream/picture of how I thought my life would look; I’ve always wanted to be a young mom. I always said I’d be a mom before 25… I have the stability, a healthy relationship, the home, but it feels like the puzzle piece that is missing is not going to happen. I know there’s people in the same boat who have been sailing for even longer than I have and I feel for everyone. This is so lonely. Negatives month after month and the sadness when your period does come… the false hope of a late period that feels like it’s taunting you. It’s not like I can talk to anyone in my family or friends because we haven’t told anyone we are trying. Family and friends announcing their babies, giving birth to their babies and even onto their 2nd and 3rd children. I just feel like, all of this is happening with ease for them and I am still here, still negative. I’m doing things “right”, bettering my diet, exercising more, making an effort to make healthier choices.

I’m going to bring it up with my doctor but it will likely take some time as it can take weeks to get in and be seen. Can anyone give me a rundown of what to expect if we get seen by specialists?

I’m worried because if it’s comes down to it… we don’t have coverage for fertility treatments like IUI or IVF (the nearest clinic is 8 hours away)

 

[dchevrier12]

@ebarnes I can empathetize with what you're going through. I think we all had that dream of having our kid in our lives. My wife and I have been trying for one year and it ended in a miscarriage. If I could tell me younger self a piece of advice, there will be more rough days than happy days.

Month after month just looking at the disappointment on my wife's face crushes me. But I always try to reassure her. We watch a lot of soccer and if our team is down by one, we always say "it only takes one!" We started using that saying for our fertility journey because that's all it takes, just one.

Just so you know, you're not alone. Everyone in this sub has been in a similar, if not the same, situation as you. We're still trying to navigate what the special formula is for having a baby. I tell myself all the time, if I can do something to have a baby, just tell me what I have to do and I'll do it. Sadly that's not how things work. So we do the best that we can and we're still holding onto hope. Good luck to you.

 

[golfer1111]

@dchevrier12 I love you and your wife’s outlook! My husband and I are at a year and trying to not be crushed every month. Good luck to you and your wife!

 

[ebarnes]

@dchevrier12 Thank you for this. I appreciate you and your wife’s outlook on this

 

[romans126]

@dchevrier12 How is your sperm count? With millions of sperm supposed to be produced daily, and many of them surviving in the uterus for days, it technically should work quickly when timed well for a year. Turns out many men have issues with sperm count.

 

[jazzgirl50]

@romans126 Yeah something about infertility…you can have all the sex in the world for years and still not get pregnant when it technically should work.

 

[jazzgirl50]

@ebarnes We started ttc when I was 26. Letting go of what I thought my life would look like and the plan I had for my life has been one of the hardest parts of experiencing infertility.

If you haven’t looked yet, the wiki here and over at r/infertility is a wealth of knowledge. Hold pls I’ll link it. Edit to add link to wiki.

 

[shaseeksgod]

@jazzgirl50 I was also about 26 and now Im 29 with nothing but a miscarriage in all that time I thought I’d be getting ready for my second baby as I approached 30 not struggling for my first. Definitely very hard to let go of what you thought your life would look like.

 

[jazzgirl50]

@shaseeksgod Yeah a girl I used to be friends with, who got pregnant with her living child after my Sept ‘21 loss, just announced yesterday she’s pregnant again. It was a bigger gut punch than I was anticipating. What my life could have, should have, would have been. It’s all so so hard. Hugs to you if you want them. I wish none of us understood this!!

 

[shaseeksgod]

@jazzgirl50 My one friend has lapped me twice. It was her first pregnancy that made me question why I wasn’t pregnant yet. I had previously thought it “took a little while for you system to get up and running” after stopping birth control but she got pregnant very quickly after she stopped her birth control which is when I started seeing a fertility specialist and she’s since had another. She had her second exactly one month after my miscarriage. It was a pretty hard pill to swallow. The first time I held that baby I bawled so hard. It’s a special kind of hurt when you almost get that life you pictured and then it’s yanked away. Hugs to you as well

 

[bicdean]

@jazzgirl50 Same here started at 26 now 29

 

[jazzgirl50]

@bicdean And I’ll be 30 here in a couple months! I used to say I wanted to be done having kids before 30. Oh how the universe laughed at my well-laid plans lol

 

[bicdean]

@jazzgirl50 Same here in Sep same same wanted my two by 30

 

[niagrace]

@ebarnes I totally empathise with you! When I hit my year mark it was hard but I think the 13th cycle mark hit harder (I think I was still hopeful maybe cycle 12 would have worked!) I did a HyCoSy to check my tubes and a uterus scan as well as my AMH to check my follicles etc. did blood tests at CD2 and CD21 to check hormones and progesterone to confirm ovulation etc. my husband did his test and it came back as ‘mild oligospermia’ so they told us it’s not impossible to fall pregnant successfully but it will certainly be a bit more difficult! So he started vitamins jan 2024 (been trying since December 2022 with one chemical). My fertility doctors told us for healthy couples 80% concieve within 1 year and 90% within 2 years so don’t give up!

 

[dks]

@ebarnes We started trying when I was 26. I will be 30 this year. I had always, always envisioned at least 2 kids by now. It's hard for my very Type A personality to let go. I'm a planner, and infertility is so wholly out of my control... I can't do anything to "fix" it. Grappling with that was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

It's so unfair when you've done everything "right". It's so unfair to be lapped, and I have been by several people. It's so unfair to see people complaining about their kids when it is literally the one thing you so desperately want, it snatches your breath away. It's so unfair for your chest to construct when you see a baby or small child because THAT is the life you want.

Please go see a reproductive endocrinologist (fertility doctor). They can provide you next steps. Sending you good vibes.

 

[animeistrash]

@ebarnes We started trying when we got married, both 22/23.. I was 24 when I went through IVF everyone tells you “You’re young! You have time!” But.. it should’ve happened by now. I’m 25 now, 26 in August. I found a job (Alight Solutions) where I could WFH and they cover IVF because they are based in IL where infertility coverage is required. I’m not sure if that’s something you can look into.. but it worked for me thankfully. Could try Starbucks. It’s ROUGH. But I’m incredibly grateful because it brought me my son. And shoot.. maybe even something really easy could be a fix and you wouldn’t even need anything like IVF! Infertility SUCKS. If you can see a reproductive endocrinologist they are super helpful. I’m so sorry you’re going through this

 

[migolshi]

@animeistrash FYI your flair still states TTC #1; would you like it updated?

 

[animeistrash]

@migolshi Whoops I fixed it!! Thank you!

 

[247worrier]

@ebarnes I totally empathise with you. I’m 25, turning 26 this year. We started our journey when I was 24 turning 25. I always thought 25 would be the year where I would get pregnant and have my baby, but I’m months away from getting a year older and no baby to show for it. Sometimes we plan things in our head and it doesn’t turn out the way we imagined, and it’s so heartbreaking. We live in the UK and the NHS system here won’t consider referring you to a fertility clinic unless you’ve been trying to conceive for at least a year. At the 5 month mark, I told them we’d been trying for a year because I know how long these things take and I wanted the referral to be done early just in case. Well it’s been over a year now, and they still haven’t contacted us. I can only imagine how long we would’ve had to wait had we been referred after the 1 year mark.

It’s been especially difficult for my husband to grasp the reality of us still not having conceived, especially when others around us are conceiving with such ease. It always seems like they are getting pregnant when it’s “unplanned”. He tells me he’s been blessed with a new job, his life is otherwise great, and we are blessed with having great people around us etc. I tell him, some people struggle with these things that we are blessed with, and maybe conception is our struggle. It really puts things into perspective.

In terms of what you would expect when referred to a specialist, you should do a day 3 blood test to check your FSH, LH, oestrogen and testosterone levels. You should also check your thyroid levels, and have an internal ultrasound done. And then do a day 21 (or a week after your positive ovulation test) progesterone test to see if you are ovulating. You should also get your partner’s semen tested to see if there are any abnormalities there. These are normally the first steps and then you could go from there (you could then check your fallopian tubes are open with a HSG or Hycosy test).

 

[myself4]

@ebarnes Hey! I'm on cycle 8 right now so not quite as long but I'm sorry you're going through this. Milestones are so difficult. I would suggest a sperm analysis first as that is going to be more cost-effective. You can do all the treatments for yourself in the world but if his sperm aren't able to make the journey/fertilize/have other issues it won't do anything. Get it done at a fertility clinic. Then take next steps after that based on those results. Find a good reproductive endocrinologist if it's in the budget/doable.

Deep breath. One step at a time to figure out the problem if it's possible. You may not have to go to IUI or IVF but if you do, that's something to cross when you get there. I know it's so hard not to be anxious.

Best wishes and I hope it gets figured out soon!