OAD, even with one remaining embryo?

[chosenremnant]

@dof7 To be honest, this comes across a little as 'sunk cost fallacy'. Yes, you've invested time, energy, finances, emotion - all of that and more. However, your statement, 'we would be content with just one and wouldn't try for another' says everything to me. You're content. Period.

 

[dof7]

@chosenremnant Yes, I agree! Through everyone's comments, I realized that we were going to try for another for the wrong reasons. For now, we're OAD. But we will continue to pay for storage for a bit longer to let the OAD decision sink in and be sure that our thinking doesn't change.

 

[irm]

@dof7 I'm in similar boat. Two embryos left. I did second retrieval with one still frozen (after 3 failed transfers from first retrieval) with thought we want at least 2 anyway. And now I consider to be OAD. It's hard. I'm very disappointed in my husband as father of baby. He is great as father of 3yo, but I'll be mostly on my own on toddler watching duty. We are old. I'm still afraid to die in childbirth ( no medical condition, but really bad birth with long term consequently for my health).

What helped me to gain some peace was recent abortion discussions. I do consider embryos a new life already begun. Therefore the question is not do I want another child and can we afford another child. The question is are things really so bad I want to give up my other 2 children. And my existing child, whom I have given birth already, is more important than children in freezer, barely begun.

If we want to claim these children, we should do it soon. I have initial appointment scheduled in 2 months. On top of it, I was diagnosed with ADHD last month and I'm holding off the meds because they are not compatible with pregnancy. But maybe I should get my life more under control and delay transfer.

I haven't decided yet.

 

[richardcrowson1]

@dof7 Have you thought about embryo donation? We had twins via first IVF round and additional frozen embryos from the cycle. After much consideration we decided to donate them. It was an open donation so we chose the family, remain in touch and the children will grow up knowing about us and their biological siblings (should they ever want to connect). Obviously this is not something everyone would be comfortable with but just thought I’d mention this as an option.

 

[dof7]

@richardcrowson1 I read your comment to my husband. I never thought he'd be comfortable with this, but he surprised me and said it might be a good option. I didn't know there are open embryo donations! I wonder if the major IVF clinics do that.

 

[richardcrowson1]

@dof7 That’s awesome! The donation agencies handle everything - I used one of the largest ones in the country. Your IVF clinic wouldn’t be involved other than to facilitate embryo transfer to the recipients clinic, but again the agency/recipient couple would handle logistics/all costs.

 

[dof7]

@richardcrowson1 That's great! Do you mind my asking which donation agency you used?

 

[richardcrowson1]

@dof7 NEDC - feel free to message me if you have any questions!

 

[jolene250]

@richardcrowson1 Had no idea there were open donations. We’re thinking we’re OAD, but have several embryos in storage. I hate to “waste” them, but not knowing where they ended up felt too weird. This might be a thing for us.

 

[richardcrowson1]

@jolene250 It can be as open as you want it to be and you’d be paired with a couple who would want that as well. There are preliminary interviews to make sure everyone is aligned and wants the same relationship. Our recipient couple sends us updates every few months/holidays/birthdays, along with pics etc.

 

[slibhin]

@richardcrowson1 That is truly lovely. Now two people who were unable to have children have a family, but since she was able to birth them herself there’s no trauma at all. What a great option to have.

 

[katrina2017]

@slibhin I would not say there’s no trauma. I’m in a donor fb group and a lot of donor children experience trauma from not being with their bio parents. If it’s open then it can be much more ethical but a lot of people will close things up once the kid is 5+ and there’s nothing legally the bio parents can do.

 

[slibhin]

@katrina2017 That’s true. I am sure not being with the biological parents is not ideal. I just meant it’s likely a whole lot smoother for both the baby and the adoptive parents if she births the child, so there’s no attachment issues from being ripped away from the only person they know after birth. If both parties are committed to keeping the line of communication open it can go very well.

 

[seekingredemption]

@katrina2017 This is a very interesting side I've never heard about before...how do the children experience trauma from not being with bio parents? I'm in the same position as OP so this definitely something to keep in mind.

 

[katrina2017]

@seekingredemption If you’re interested I’m not the best person to give perspective but I encourage you to look up these two Facebook groups:

Donor conceived people, siblings, parents, and donors (sperm, egg, embryo)

Adoption: facing realities

I’m very weary of just going straight to an agency because they are pretty notorious for caring more about profit than the actual kids they’re helping to create. It’s basically their job to present donor conception as wonderful and sweep the nasty parts under the rug. These groups have really broadened my viewpoint on the topic but I don’t feel it’s my place to speak on it with any authority as I’m not donor conceived and have never had a child through a donor.

 

[seekingredemption]

@katrina2017 Thank you!

 

[katrina2017]

@seekingredemption No problem!!

 

[mikeisraelite72]

@dof7 Wait you know it’s a boy? If you’re gonna have a boy and a girl, I say go for it. Best of both worlds. Everyone wants a boy and a girl

 

[dof7]

@mikeisraelite72 We had genetic testing done, so we do know it's a boy. For us, it's less about the sex of the potential child, and more about the feasibility of caring for them.