OAD because sleep!
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@godgirl13 I’m so sorry. I hope the therapist helps and I’m proud of you for getting help and meds. Sending best thoughts for sleep upon your house as soon as it can possibly come.
@katrina2017 Fear of the night is the truth. I’m still traumatised from the phantom crying that woke me through the baby stage, so when he was sleeping I’d still wake. I get terribly anxious when my kid sleeps and I can’t, like I’m missing the available sleep window of opportunity. I started wearing earplugs to sleep which helped a lot. I am so sorry you are suffering. Sleep deprivation is literally a torture tactic for very good reason. I hope things improve for you soon.
katrina2017
New member
@stripe I definitely feel what you wrote about missing the precious sleep hours. When I wake up, either to feed the baby or hearing phantom crying and go back to sleep I'm usually just a bit anxious. But with every 30 mins passing of me not being able to fall asleep I get angrier at myself and more anxious. I do the math in my head ("I've waisted two hours already of precious sleep, I can't afford to waste anymore, i really need to sleep NOW!) which of course results in not sleeping at all due to major anxiety at the end.
Thank you for your kind words. I hope things get better for you soon too.
Thank you for your kind words. I hope things get better for you soon too.
@katrina2017 Oh I so get this! The anxiety builds and makes falling asleep worse! I’ve gone through periods of using liquid melatonin to go to sleep at night, I use the NOW brand 2mg, it has helped me a lot. I managed 6 months without it but then a bunch of personal issues mean I’m back using it nightly again. Apparently it’s good for preventing lines which I’m totally taking as a plus since all the sleep I’m missing would counteract that! Sending a virtual hug and hoping there’s great sleep in your future. When my kid is a teenager if he sleeps in I am totally gonna do the same! Haha
best_coach
New member
@stripe I’d say lack of sleep is a huge factor in why I want to be OAD. My daughter didn’t sleep until she was 18 months old (she’s currently 21 months old). Although things are mostly better now, we still have some hard nights here and there. Like last night she was awake from 2:30am-4:30am. Ugh.
On top of that, she’s been sleeping in my bed since she was 8 months old. It wouldn’t be that big of a deal but she has to so close to me I never have any room and can never be comfortable. Plus she’s in between my husband and I which sucks.
I love my daughter so much but damn. The sleep situation is ROUGH.
On top of that, she’s been sleeping in my bed since she was 8 months old. It wouldn’t be that big of a deal but she has to so close to me I never have any room and can never be comfortable. Plus she’s in between my husband and I which sucks.
I love my daughter so much but damn. The sleep situation is ROUGH.
@best_coach So rough. I feel for you. My son was between us for most of the night until about 18 months when he got too big for us all to physically sleep (our bed is not huge). When he was 2 we bought a very nice expensive single mattress for his room and now one of us sleeps in his room from when he wakes and the other stays in our bed with him. We get more sleep that way if we can resettle him. Sending solidarity it is harrrrrrrd.
@stripe Sleep deprivation is so hard to explain to my friends that don’t have kids yet. No it’s not like college where you have a few nights of very little sleep but then get endless time to catch up. It literally goes on for months and your entire outlook on life crumbles. I thought sleep training would work for everyone and it helped us for sure but didn’t completely solve it.
And theres certainly a chance a second child would also be a bad sleeper or that the first one would regress. I have a friend who had a second when her first was 4. The 4 year old had been sleeping through the night for 2 years but then started having some very serious sleep issues waking up in the middle of the night, tantrums before bed etc. So with that plus a newborn she really suffered. My worst fear!!!
And theres certainly a chance a second child would also be a bad sleeper or that the first one would regress. I have a friend who had a second when her first was 4. The 4 year old had been sleeping through the night for 2 years but then started having some very serious sleep issues waking up in the middle of the night, tantrums before bed etc. So with that plus a newborn she really suffered. My worst fear!!!
tbvsthienloc2020
New member
@shabach67 I think it’s the “no end in sight” that contributes to the outlook on life crumbling. It’s so hard!
dianafrancis
New member
@stripe Yep. My kid is five and still takes forever to go to sleep, and will only do it if someone sits with her and strokes her hair 
As a baby she would wake me a thousand times a night to breastfeed.
As a toddler she'd wake up in the night and stay awake for two hours just rolling around and wanting to chat.
For months when she was around 4 she'd come in to our bed at night, kicking one of us into the spare bed.
She still occasionally comes into our bed at night.
It's a huge part of why we're OAD.
As a baby she would wake me a thousand times a night to breastfeed.
As a toddler she'd wake up in the night and stay awake for two hours just rolling around and wanting to chat.
For months when she was around 4 she'd come in to our bed at night, kicking one of us into the spare bed.
She still occasionally comes into our bed at night.
It's a huge part of why we're OAD.
freedomusa
New member
@stripe Yup, it's a huge part of my decision to be OAD. We have a 2 year old who basically didn't sleep for his 1st year of life, and I don't think I would survive going through that again. I wish I felt differently as in the grand scheme it's only a short period ....but it was just too torturous.
@stripe Yes! And I get so anxious, because it increases the likelihood of a migraine attack for me. I should sleep 6-8 hours every night uninterrupted - doctor's recommendation. Lol 
Monday to Tuesday was the worst in a long time. LO was awake 10-12pm and then again from 4am. But I didn't fall asleep until after 1 for some reason.
Monday to Tuesday was the worst in a long time. LO was awake 10-12pm and then again from 4am. But I didn't fall asleep until after 1 for some reason.
newchristian7198
New member
@stripe Sleep is a factor for my decision, but for a different reason than you—my daughter is a great sleeper and I know the odds of getting this lucky again are low! Plus we still do have various going to sleep struggles that are hard despite that. We also know that two kids would likely never both be sleeping at the same time no matter what type of sleepers they were!
garfieldjl
New member
@stripe Our daughter was a champion sleeper for the first 20 months of her life, sleeping through the night right after birth, at 6 weeks old she was sleeping for 12-13 hours straight every night. It was fantastic.
Of course, a lot of friends and family members told us how most of the babies are sleeping (or not sleeping). It made my husband realize how fortunate we are. He wanted another child, but I asked him if he really thought we‘d be able to put up with a child who wakes up several times every night until 3 years old when we‘re in our 40s (we were rather old when our first was born). Not well for sure!! It might not be our main reason to be OAD, but it is a part of said reason.
Of course, a lot of friends and family members told us how most of the babies are sleeping (or not sleeping). It made my husband realize how fortunate we are. He wanted another child, but I asked him if he really thought we‘d be able to put up with a child who wakes up several times every night until 3 years old when we‘re in our 40s (we were rather old when our first was born). Not well for sure!! It might not be our main reason to be OAD, but it is a part of said reason.
@garfieldjl I’m so happy for you guys that you got a wonderful sleeper! And I totally understand why you’d never want to roll the dice on getting the opposite 2nd time around.
@stripe I’m OAD because we always wanted just one child. Even years before having our son. No particular reason. And my pregnancy, birth and pp journey was quite easy I must say but we have never had the desire for a second one, not even with the “easiest” experience after the first. Sometimes I feel weird because not a lot of couples are like us, usually there’re major reasons why couples are OAD (financial, family situation, fertility). But I definitely agree on the lack of sleep, even though I had it “only” for the first few months.
