Not B or F, but still P

atheismis4me

New member
After almost two years of TTC--2 1st tri MCs, 1 2nd tri MC, and a CP--here I go again.

I don't have a chart (I tried! I don't sleep consistently enough to temp), but I can give you my breakdown. Note: I threw a lot of my typical TTC habits out the window this cycle because I stressed myself way out last cycle and needed a break. I tried not to obsess too much. I don't know if this helped me or not.

CD 1-5: AF

CD 6: a little post AF spotting

CD 7-10: went from sticky to creamy CM, super neg OPK 9 and 10 (no line at all), BD on 10

CD 11: The start of the crazy EWCM. I had a ton! It started before I thought to start anything, so I didn't use Mucinex or the EPO this cycle. Neg OPK, but the second line did exist. Not in the mood to BD so we didn't.

CD 12: EWCM, neg OPK but the line was a lot darker than CD 11. Based on my last cycle, I still thought I had a few days before O so when I didn't feel like BD again, I didn't.

CD 13: EWCM. Crazy dark OPK, almost positive. I tested in the afternoon and evening and didn't see a surge (though they were super close). BD

CD 14: OPKs half dark. I think my surge was overnight; I never saw it. I start to think maybe I didn't ovulate. EWCM so crazy in the morning, I even posted about it. BD

CD 15: Neg OPK. Teeny bit of EWCM in the morning, but by afternoon I was just sort of wet. BD. I'm not sure if I ovulated CD 14-15, but FF says 14, so DPO 1.

DPO 2-6: Symptom spotting like crazy, but I honestly think this isn't the cycle. My husband surprised me with a pineapple, so I eat the stupid thing DPO 2-5 anyway (I was a day off on this because I forgot it DPO 1.) Feel flushed. Vomit my dinner on DPO 6.

DPO 7: Because of last night, I test even though I know it's too early: BFN. Mood swingy, cramps like AF, gassy, chapped lips, SO MUCH acne, still feverish.

DPO 8: Still mood swingy, so the morning's BFN really depressed me. Cry a little at my desk and think I'm PMSing. Bloated. Heartburn. Still crampy, still pizza-faced, still warm.

DPO 9: Feeling better, but still a big bloated and gassy pimple. Debate with myself about whether my boobs are actually sore or if I've made them sore by checking them for a week. BFN. At this point I 100% think I'm out and convince my husband to hide all the pee sticks and to not give me any even if I plead. I was determined to enjoy my long weekend and not test obsessively and waste strips. I decide to just wait for AF and test if she's late.

DPO 10-11: I don't test, and I don't really think about it, but... I'm tired and go to bed early. My nose is runny and I'm very flushed. I eat everything, but I'm completely uninterested in the tasty booze my husband tempts me with. I'm so bloated my pants don't fit and I'm the gassiest I've ever been. Still a little heartburny. Still have the chapped lips. Libido is up so BD.

DPO 12: I break and convince my DH to give me a strip. ("I know it's negative but if you give me a strip, I promise to forget about it and not test again unless I don't get my period before we have to go out of town. Pleaseeee?") It took its goddamn time but: Not big, not fat, but faintly positive! DH is OVER THE MOON and takes me to a buffet to celebrate! I am hesitant, but I enjoy my meal so much it gives me confidence in the positive.

DPO 13: Wondfo is darker, but the FRER isn't subtle: Aaack! It's real!!! I will still probably test for a while, to make sure those lines keep getting darker.

It's a little early but I've already called the doctor because of my history. But, like I thought, there isn't much to do until the 8 week appointment. I feel like my car has hit the top of the first rollercoaster hill where the track just stopped clicking and I'm awaiting the freefall. If I can make it to 8 weeks and hear a heartbeat, it will be a relief...but I won't be out of the woods. My cervix has a history of not cooperating, so I won't ever have that moment where I can breathe easy because I'm over the hump. My whole pregnancy will be a ride.

But for right now, this morning, I'm hopeful. I might even be happy? I'm crampy and I'm bloated and bananas smell awful and I'm nervous but maybe, just maybe, this bean will stick.

Thank you ladies for being so awesome. I will still be around!
 
@atheismis4me Congratulations!! Is your doc drawing HCGs? After my MC, the plan was to draw HCG and progesterone levels asap when I got a positive. They tracked them for a couple weeks to ensure everything was increasing appropriately. It was pretty reassuring seeing the numbers go up!
 
@casey73 Thank you!

He isn't. I could have insisted, I think, but I don't have any progesterone problems so there isn't really anything to look for that anyone can do anything about. I'm trying not to worry about it, but if my home tests get lighter I will pursue it.
 
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