No co sleep unless your body does what it’s supposed to do?

[aprile]

@mike_l Just another person with totally useless tits here to tell you that making breastmilk does NOT equal being a good mom.

I love my kids and think the sun shines out of their tiny little assholes but I can’t make milk worth a damn. The only difference between my first kid and my second is that the first time, I cried a ton and she lost weight while I tried unsuccessfully to breastfeed. The second time I combo-fed from the getgo and then swapped to formula only. Less tears from me and baby, better for everyone.

 

[lnoble319]

@mike_l Oh boy I might get downvoted to hell for this but here goes.

I co slept with my formula fed baby starting at 7 months. I consulted his pediatrician and followed every other rule of the safe seven until he was 12 months.

 

[ddavis]

@lnoble319 This is pretty normal. Most people co sleep and lie about it hahaha. I think once they are crawling and stuff BF becomes less important for cosleeping

 

[lnoble319]

@ddavis I’ve just seen some pretty volatile reactions to co sleeping at all so I’m always a little scared to say anything about my journey.

 

[ddavis]

@lnoble319 I would literally have never slept if i didnt co sleep with my first so no judgement here! I also felt it was … safer? Bc he was right beside Me. I was combo feeding though and BF throughout the night followed by formula

 

[msams]

@mike_l I recall reading that the breastfeeding part of safe sleep 7 was for babies under 4 months. FWIW, we started cosleeping as needed at 7 months when baby couldn’t sleep because we both work and need to be rested. Same as you, I wake up if he wiggles.

I never felt an overwhelming connection and joy while attempting to breastfeed, but when I open my eyes and my little baby’s sleeping face is right there? My heart could burst! Even more when he crawls over to my husband and curls up against him. I love that he feels so safe with us!

You’re for sure not a bad mom and you are everything she needs! I highly recommend working with a therapist if you don’t already. Mine has been a lifesaver when my PPD gets on top of me or I start feeling insecure about my parenting.

 

[reginagrg]

@mike_l She doesn't need BM. I occasionally cosleep with my now 9mo. And she's formula fed. I guess I forgot BF was part of the 7. They should change that.

Statistically being BF is actually very minimal in reducing SIDS. it does, but all the other things re significantly more important.

 

[katrina2017]

@mike_l I co sleep with my formula fed infant. One reason it’s included in the safe sleep 7 is positioning. You want baby at chest level not head level as pillows risk for suffocation.

 

[santana27]

@mike_l Here to say that in real life, I have never met parents that didn’t cosleep at one point or another. Online you’ll get crucified but

 

[williamdrumsallday]

@mike_l If it helps I also wasn’t able to breastfeed. We started
Cosleeping with our daughter when she was 8 months old as we felt she was strong and mobile enough to let us know if something was wrong while sleeping. It changed our lives. She sleeps in a sleep sack between us, not under the covers. We use smaller pillows to leave some empty space between us as she likes to sleep closer to the headboard.

 

[sonscreative]

@mike_l I never even got to try to breastfeed. It was sad for a little bit but I just wanted a healthy, fed baby. Your baby is healthy & fed! You’re doing fabulous no matter how you’re feeding your baby. Co-sleeping should not matter if your baby is formula fed or breastfed. I’ve never understood the logic behind that. Most of us have mom instincts regardless of how we feed our child.

 

[geranium]

@mike_l My theory on why BF decreases the risk is simply because baby is more likely to be a light sleeper and they spend more time in active sleep—this helps them wake to feed more because BM is digested pretty quickly and they need to keep stimulating the breast to keep supply up. But like someone else said, formula doesn’t INCREASE the risk

 

[dianes]

@mike_l Two things I’ve heard people say. I got pregnant to have a baby not to breastfeed.. so true, did you get pregnant thinking “oh I just want to get pregnant so I can breastfeed.” No…. People get pregnant to have babies not to have a specific birth, or to breastfeed. Second do you judge me for FF? Do you judge the random women at the grocery store buying formula? Do you think they are bad parents for FF? Would you judge your daughter for FF? Doubt it… so why judge yourself? We are so hard on ourselves. Be kind to yourself we are all just trying our best and that’s all we can do. Please seek out medical advice. Your feelings are totally valid but.. I don’t know how to say this without sounding bad but it’s not normal to have extreme thoughts over breastfeeding. To be sad or disappointed sure but you REALLY do not have to feel those extreme feeling doctors can help. I know it’s so so so hard to get help but it’s totally worth it.

 

[mocast83]

@mike_l Hello ! I combo feed rn - my LO has refused nursing for almost two months now and though it makes me very sad and sometimes feel useless , I can still produce enough to feed during the day - that being said - he gets formula at night. I don’t nurse him or try to force it anymore and formula allows him to not be awake alll night because he’s hungry.
I also co sleep most nights . I follow the safe sleep seven aside from BF at night.
He’s four months , he’s fine.

If you feel the need to cosleep and you know your body and your kid well enough to feel safe doing so , then go for it you sound like a great mom who is in-tuned to her child.

 

[tj77]

@mike_l I’ll be honest, I’ve done it since my little was a few weeks old, I felt so guilty but she had terrible colic/reflux/gerd and she physically couldn’t sleep in the pack n play, bassinet it crib. Her little eyes would pop open immediately and the screaming/crying would start back up.

I cried on the phone to my mom about it so much because I was so afraid I’d hurt her. I also wasn’t able to breast feed, I was lucky to get 4oz a day if that on a GOOD day.

We thicken her bottles with baby oatmeal because of the reflux and she started to sleep through the night right as my maternity leave ended. She’s 4.5mo and thriving.

I was so scared of cosleeping because of the fear-mongering that’s out there. Had a blow up argument with my in laws about it last week because they let their sister get to them about it and decided to come down here and yell at me about it.

In my opinion, you have to do what’s best for you and your baby. I understand the fear and I understand the risks of it. But in my mind, having her right here with me is safer than in the bedside bassinet, when her reflux kicks in she doesn’t make a peep until she’s choking on the spit up. The second she even pops out a toot at night I hear her, if she stretches I hear her. I have severe ptsd and some anxiety from how bad she had it with the colic and her bassinet was permanently stained within a week of coming home from all the reflux/gerd and once the choking fits started? I’ll do what’s best for my child and EF what everyone else says. I follow the safe sleep guidelines as well.

 

[kimmyfs]

@mike_l co-sleeping is natural. don't let the propaganda scare you, if u aren't a heavy sleeper & ur obviously attuned to ur kiddo, u wouldn't like roll over her or anything. u can also put the mattress on the floor of that feels safer. you're an amazing momma

 

[ciaomamma]

@mike_l I cosleep with my LO (6MO) and she's been on formula since 13 weeks. She had a serious bottle preference/nursing aversion and even now I get said about it. I tried so hard to continue BF, but it was taking a toll on my mental health and obviously I was sleep deprived as well. At this point our nights start out with bath time around 730, By 830 baby girl is asleep. She's getting two, maybe three bottles a night but she doesn't actually wake up and I don't have to put her back to sleep. She just moves around a little bit, makes a few noises maybe, and I give her the bottle. I don't have blankets on my bed or extra pillows. I'm super sorry to hear that things didn't work.I really understand feeling so disappointed. I just try to find the positives. Your are everything she needs. I've started to feel better about my situation now that I've introduced solids. Not sure why but I'm sending love and positivity your way momma.

 

[alm]

@mike_l If you need to cosleep to sleep, absolutely do it. Sleep and your mental health are absolutely precious. You are a great mom. Ignore all the other noise!

 

[burney]

@mike_l I don’t know the exact science so if I get downvoted whatevs. But my EBF baby would side sleep latched and latch on like a magnet if he rustled at all during the night. Probably reduces SIDS just as a pacifier would by keeping the airways open. I don’t co sleep anymore now that he gets formula but I’d feel totally comfortable to. If you have to co sleep, follow all of the other rules and possibly use a paci if baby takes one still if you’re that worried about it! But let me recommend sleep training, as a working mom it will help sleep/naps/life ten-fold.

At 7 months I wouldn’t worry too much. There’s a SIDS calculator online that gives an actual risk factor % for your situation. It gave me a lot of peace of mind. Most of SIDS is actually accidental suffocation, and more so couches or recliners. I wish we had a breakdown of actual SIDS statistics like why/how each case happened to separate these things. No mom should have to beat themselves up over what their baby is fed. Baby is fed. That is all.

 

[1donna1]

@mike_l Hey, friend, the fact that you did your best to do what you thought was best for your baby means you’re a great mom. It didn’t work out. That’s okay. It’s not easy, but sometimes we need to remember to be kind to ourselves. Maybe speak with your doctor about your PPD and how it’s triggered. I’m seeing a therapist for it now, and that has helped me immensely.

Co-sleeping and bed sharing isn’t for everyone. There are risks. These practices are also heavily cultural, and you can do everything possible to mitigate risks of harm. I bed share because my PPA/PPD was so terrible I couldn’t trust a crib. Reading it back, this sounds illogical. But that’s how PPA/PPD works. It tricks your brain into all sorts of crazy thoughts. If you are able start treatment if you feel your PPD is being triggered.

Also, speak with a local sleep expert about bed sharing. Some people are adamantly against this, so you have to weigh your risks. But to me the risks of accidents happening due to sleep deprivation kind of off set the risks of co sleeping.

Again, you are a great mom.