No co sleep unless your body does what it’s supposed to do?

[mike_l]

Safe sleep seven - unless you can’t make milk?

Are we that different?

I understand the data that says EBF reduces SIDS. I get it. I don’t want to sleep with my baby but sometimes it’s that or no sleep for literally any of us. I have to sleep. I am the breadwinner. I pay our mortgage. And for daycare. And all our bills except car payments. I. Have. To. Sleep.

She’s 7mo. She’s crawling. Great neck strength. So alert. So smart. So beautiful. Best thing I have ever ever done.

I love her. When we snuggle together at night I never feel like I’m close to hurting her. I just feel close to her. She moves an inch? I’m awake. She breathes slightly heavier than usual? Awake.

I do everything I can to abide by the safe sleep 7 when we do. But there is one thing I can’t do.

I can’t make milk. I tried so hard. I made, at most, 5mL. Weighted feed.

I wanted to breastfeed so bad. I nearly made an irreversible decision when I could t because I thought my daughter not only didn’t need me because my breasts were useless, but she would be better off without me.

But I try to be a good mom. I try so hard. I feel like I’m hyper aware of her and her needs. I just can’t make milk.

Reading the safe sleep 7 takes me right back to PPD. I hit everything else. My breasts are just dry and useless and I hate them too. Believe me. I haven’t looked in the mirror since I had her without thinking how much I hate my breasts.

I don’t know what I want here. I’m just doing my best. I wish I made milk. I tried so hard. Is it really so much more unsafe to cosleep when we need to? Should I just stay awake and pray I don’t get fired?

I’m not a bad mom. I just can’t be what she needs. And I’ll never forgive myself.

 

[jesusismygod]

@mike_l Girl you sound like you have PPD. My tits didn’t work worth a shit either but I’m a great mother. Sure, I was a little sad when we stopped breastfeeding way sooner than I had wanted to but I worked hard to not let it affect my mental health. I was also already on escitalopram at that point and that was helping a LOT. You are exactly what your daughter needs. And sure, go ahead and cosleep if that’s right for you guys. Formula feeding doesn’t increase the risk of SIDS, breastfeeding just reduces it. You can calculate your risk on a SIDS risk calculator and then decide if you’re comfortable with that risk. But PLEASE talk to someone about what you’re going through. Your doctor, a therapist, even a friend. You’re not alone

 

[lovinggodlovingpeople]

@jesusismygod I have PPD and PPA - co sleeping was the only thing that helped. I still co sleep and love it.

 

[emersonboi]

@lovinggodlovingpeople Currently laying down for a nap with my combo fed baby. We've co-slept since the beginning because my PPA was too bad to leave her. I wouldn't change my decision for a second.

 

[seekinganswersseekinghelp]

@jesusismygod What is it about breastfeeding that reduces it ? Is it the milk or being on the boob? Would a baby drinking breast milk in a bottle do the same ?x

 

[nj123]

@seekinganswersseekinghelp Wondering the same-or combo feed?

 

[jesusismygod]

@seekinganswersseekinghelp Sorry for the suuuuuper late response but I read a thing or two about it being related to breastfed babies being boob centred and them instinctually knowing to stay around the boob instead of venturing towards your head (near pillows). ALSO have heard (I don’t know where so take it with a grain of salt) that breastfed babies tend to wake up more so they don’t fall into the deeper sleep that’s associated with Sids

 

[jamesburke]

@seekinganswersseekinghelp The confounding variable of who EBF most often (middle and upper class white women).

 

[sacred7seraphim]

@mike_l I never wanted to breastfeed but I did go through infertility and I just want to say: hating your body for “not performing” is a losing game. Your boobs tried, your body tried. It tried really hard. Your whole life, your body tries to take care of you and give you what you need. Hating it is not the answer. Don’t forget it gave you your child.

 

[sleeplesswhite]

@mike_l Breastmilk decreases the risk of SIDS, but formula DOES NOT increase the risk of SIDS. It has no affect on the baseline. I get it, sometimes a baby will only sleep in your arms and a parent has to weigh all the odds and make the choice of cosleeping or not. If you follow the other harm reduction tips (though in an ideal world no parent would cosleep with an infant) the difference between breastfeeding and formula feeding is minimal. The biggest risk factors are a parent consuming drugs/medications that change how hard they sleep, loose blankets and pillows in the bed, and how young the baby is.

 

[redvelvetcake]

@sleeplesswhite I feel like so many people miss your first point. The effect of breastfeeding on sids is completely separate from the effect of formula on sids (which is no effect).

 

[sleeplesswhite]

@redvelvetcake A lot of people think formula is the opposite of breastmilk, when they're actually extremely close fluids with a few minor differences.

 

[titus278]

@sleeplesswhite Very well said! I’m not even convinced on the breastmilk lowering SIDS point - one study found that “some” breastmilk did, alongside formula, which makes no sense to me. From what I recall, lot of the studies don’t (or can’t?) control for other SIDS risk factors (maternal education, prenatal care, socioeconomic status), or did so in a limited way, so I’d query if more weight should be given to these! People seem to just hone in on the milk one and it caused me no end of anxiety as a formula feeding mum until I actually read the material a bit more!

 

[texasjo]

@titus278 I've had a pediatrician point out that while the number of BF babies has gone up, the cases of SIDS did not reduce as you'd expect

 

[ddavis]

@sleeplesswhite The reason BF and co sleeping go together is because the infant and mom sleep in a C shape, facing each other which is the safest co sleeping position. The baby smells the milk and turns toward it. It’s not about formula
And sids, it’s that a breastfeeding pair makes it safer to co sleep

 

[sleeplesswhite]

@ddavis The safest cosleeping position is still much less safe than baby being in their own sleep space.

 

[leanora]

@sleeplesswhite How does breast milk reduce the risk SIDS?

 

[sleeplesswhite]

@leanora No idea. I think it's because it's not as filling so babies wake more often to eat and don't sleep as deeply.

 

[jamesburke]

@sleeplesswhite

Breastmilk decreases the risk of SIDS, but formula DOES NOT increase the risk of SIDS. It has no affect on the baseline

What other option are you comparing it to for your baseline? What are you feeding your baby that isn't formula or breast milk? I don't think you understand how statistics work.

 

[notedfaith]

@mike_l I am convinced the only reason breastfeeding “reduces” SIDS is because breastfed babies sleep so poorly they’re just constantly waking to feed!! Can’t have SIDS if baby barely sleeps and rarely ever enters a deep sleep. And safe sleep 7 is made up by lactivists (la leche league) who have ZERO business advising on safe sleep or trying to say that somehow co sleeping is made safer if you breastfeed.