New dad here, please help. Seeking advice from those with experience in this situation. TIA

dreamer30

New member
Hello all. Long post ahead. This is on breastfeeding, low milk supply, formula as a backup, and feeling depressed and anxious all while doing it. As I type this, my wife and our 8 day old LO are currently sleeping (finally) after a brutal 36 hour stretch of minimal sleep so I apologize for gibberish or typos.

My wife had a planned c section about 8 days ago and we had a goal to EBF our son. He is our first baby. Things were going well up until day 5 post birth, she was breastfeeding pretty well (we were fighting latching and our son figuring it out) and we were optimistic about this new chapter. Then, in the evening of day 5, my wife started feeling very nauseous. That night progresses, our son starts cluster feeding about every 30-45 minutes for about 4 hours, nausea goes back and forth, and we finally settle for bed. Fast forward to evening day 6, nausea is back and my wife feels that our son isn’t getting enough milk. Late that night around midnight, she goes to feed and our son continues to give hunger queues. She then states how soft her breasts fill (this has not happened up until this point). She cannot express any milk out and tries to pump. Bone dry. And I’m sure you can imagine the emotional explosion that ensued at that moment. We were distraught. We were forced to give our son formula and we’ve been fighting this ever since. After doing a lot of thinking and talking to her doctor and pediatrician on day 7, it seems my wife became dehydrated between post hospital (day 2.5) and the evening of day 5. Yes she had been eating and drinking water, but no where like she should have. But we didn’t know any better. Things were going great so we thought she was good. Turns out, I think it was all the fluids from the hospital that had her producing so well initially.

So that’s where we are at. She breast feeds about every 2-3 hours, and we have to give about 0.5-1.5 ounces of formula for a supplement each feeding. Things we have tried over the last 18 hours: hydration with alternating blue Powerade zero, Prime hydration drinks, and water; carb loaded Italian food; high protein breakfast; rest (about 7 total hours over the last 24); lactation cookies; and fenugreek (3 doses).

She “power pumped” this evening over 1 hour (20 min on, 10 min off; 10 on, 10 off; 10 on, then done) and she got about 2oz total.

Is there still hope she can get back to EBF? Any other tips we haven’t tried??? We hate formula and everything that comes with it.

If you’ve read this far, I sincerely say thank you. I have some pretty rough anxiety myself and this whole new baby change has me in shambles, not to mention my wife is heartbroken over the lack of breast milk she’s able to produce right now.
 
@dreamer30 It is brutal early on. oats, continue prenatal vitamins, more water than you can imagine (I have about 750ml each session and then usually a glass or two in between 3hrly feeds) and bare skin to skin. Her supply is still establishing, you can totally get back on track!
 
@dreamer30 Take a deep breath, you are all making very important and positive changes. None of them will give an instant result and none is a silver bullet. Set your expectations for seeing gradual changes over 3-7 days.

It sounds like both you and your wife are having a huge amount of stress over this and stress is a milk production killer! What is she doing during pump sessions? Doom scrolling or watching a funny movie? I would not change/add anything else to your routine and strategies....just focus on relaxing. Look at how beautiful your baby is. Remark how well they are doing. Tell your wife that you are bonding with the baby when you give a formula bottle instead of viewing it in an exclusively negative light.

I know you are not in a place either of you wanted to be but relax and make the best of it and it will help the milk come.
 
@jmbosh Great tips. I tend to be the optimist and she, the pessimist. I do my best to keep the conversation moving forward in the right direction and encourage laughter and upbeat thoughts. But sometimes, when someone is in the trenches, nothing you say can get them out. You just have to stand there beside them and take it with them. Thanks again for your advice!
 
@dreamer30 Yes that is true. I also had a tough time with this even though I am an optimist I am an obsessive researcher. I was So stressed and wanted the "right" answer for every cry and twitch and question that popped into my mind.

What helped me was naming my stress and my partner making de-stressing a part of my pumping plan. Is she aware that stress can depress milk production? Try adding a calm shower or lowering lights + lighting candles + fun audio book or sing along songs to pump sessions. Do anything you can to keep her from looking at how much milk is being expressed with positive distractions. And most importantly just keep giving that love and positivity.
 
@dreamer30 Dietitian here and FTM to a 3 month old.

I had an overproduction of milk, didn't even realise why till i stopped eating oats with ground-flaxseed. Now, if I feel like making some more milk for the freezer storage, I eat it as a night snack or breakfast.
It's really nice to cook with either water or milk and some added fruit or/and nuts so your wife can get some extra kcal - to make that milk requires a lot of kcal around 500 extra a day! Not to mention, your wife is still recovering from the surgery, that also requires extra energy to heal.

Make sure she eats enough and a good amount of protein, eggs, chicken, nuts or dairy.
 
@dreamer30 Around day 9 there is a moment when babies are hungrier to boost supply, they are regulating the supply to meet their needs. This could have happened a few days earlier for your baby.
It’s not weird to feel for a few days that baby doesn’t have enough from the breast. Let baby nurse on demand, if it’s too frustrating for mum and baby, then take baby and distract him for 15-20 minutes, then let them get back to nursing.
In just a few days, your wife will notice that milk supply will go up.

Even if you want to supplement with formula for now, you can definitely get back to EBF, but it’s very important to watch that every single time, your baby gets formula now, your wife should pump even if nothing comes out at all. Her body needs to get a signal that more milk is needed.

It’s totally normal at the beginning, one day she will have an overflow of milk, the next day it might feel like too little again.
 
@conspiracy_center Yes certainly! Just like right now, baby woke up to feed, wife’s breasts were soft, tried to BF anyways, baby unlatched after a few minutes and cried, gave him supplemental formula, wife pumped, and I changed baby and rocked him back to sleep. We shall rinse and repeat in a few hours. Great advice, thank you for your help!
 
@dreamer30 You're doing everything right, I would just add that breasts feeling physically soft doesn't necessarily mean anything, so don't judge milk supply based on that.
 
@monicabay Definitely this.

Have you seen a local lactation consultant or met up with a local La Leche League? They might be able to help your wife with information, technique and just a confidence boost to feel more empowered!
 
@dreamer30 Planned c-section mama here (with my first)! I can very much relate to what you and your wife are going through - it sounds a LOT like my story. Struggled a loooot at the beginning and definitely had to supplement. Fast forward and maybe a month or two in, we got back to EBF and I continued to nurse him until he was about 21 months old. It is possible!!

I have a few questions and comments as I am curious as to whether you truly need to supplement. Before starting, to be clear, it's absolutely okay if you do need to supplement, or even if you eventually just want to! I was also devastated when I had to supplement, so I completely understand wanting to get back to EBF, but I also wanted to underscore the fact that even though you hate formula (as I did), the formula feeding itself isn't bad. I've been there and it's hard AF!!!!
  1. Has your wife seen an IBCLC (board certified lactation consultant)? Doctors and pediatricians have woefully little training in breastfeeding, so I'd highly recommend she find one if she hasn't yet.
  2. Other than the indications you mentioned - cluster feeding, soft breasts, low/no pump output, dehydration - is there any indication, such as weight loss, that baby isn't getting enough milk? Cluster feeding at this point is extremely normal (although frustrating and exhausting) as baby is working to establish mama's supply. It's also important to note that the amount you can pump is NOT indicative of what baby is getting at the breast. Babies are wayyyy more efficient than pumps, and some people who have a perfect supply are never able to pump very much!
  3. Further to the above, the dehydration probably did affect your wife's supply but that is really hard to avoid post-surgery and it sounds like you're doing all the right things to help that. Nausea is most definitely a symptom of dehydration and I'm sure that is/was a contributing factor, but is/was she experiencing the nausea primarily when feeding? It's not unheard of to experience nausea during breastfeeding, particularly during letdown - I experienced that very acutely with my first and a little bit with my second. It could be indicative of something called D-MER (dysphoric milk ejection reflex), oooor it could just be that she's feeling the effects of the dehydration more as she nurses.
All this to say that you guys are rockstars, the fact that you're doing the research shows you care so much, and I love that. Wishing you the best of luck 💜
 
@stacymom2son That’s awesome! Congratulations on rounding the corner and being able to EBF for so long.
  1. We met one in the hospital, but not since discharge. Meeting with another one is going to be on the priority list.
  2. Nope, baby has actually been gaining pretty well. Was only 12oz under birth weight at 1 week appt. We only met 5/6 wet diapers on day 7.
  3. Nope, the nausea was pretty consistent. Unfortunately my wife does a poor job of taking care of herself when there’s someone else for her to take care of, so dehydration and lack of food has happened often in our 11 years. I’m frustrated at myself I didn’t catch it this time though. Baby brain is a real thing.
Thank you for your kind words and advice! Fathers are as important as mothers, we just have different roles.
 
@dreamer30 Slightly personal I guess but is your wife pooing OK? That could be causing nausea & is very common after c section, with dehydration, pain meds, lack of movement etc. Something like macrogol is taken with water which helps on two counts!
 
@annjro Yes, she is! Since upping her stool softener before surgery in preparation, she’s been more regular than before the baby.

Believe it or not, my wife did the full c section with 0 pain meds. Only Tylenol and Aleve. No opioids in her spinal either. She’s one tough cookie.
 
@dreamer30 This happened to my best friend during an emergency C section very early in the third trimester. She said it felt like she was being gutted alive… because she was. I would also make sure there isn’t trauma there. That can also affect supply. I had a c-section under “normal” circumstances and have a shit ton of birth trauma 2 years later because I couldn’t do it all natural like I wanted and I find the scar to be a betrayal of my body. Just warning you, there could be a lot going on there effecting supply. Oxytocin, the happy feelings hormone, induces let down. As someone mentioned, the more she can relax and snuggle that babe, the more likely she is to get back on track with producing.
 
@dreamer30 I tok had to learn to take care of myself for my milk supply to be adequate. My SO was a huge help. First always hand her water, electrolytes or tea with some sort of galactagogue (I prefer chamomile or ginger, LO prefers ginger in my diet). No matter what she is doing ask her if she wants one of these three. Second, always make sure she has her three squares plus loads of snacks. Make sure she gets to eat it too. Cut up her food if necessary. Feed her if she needs it. But make sure she is eating and well. Oats are huge.

You're doing great!
 
@dreamer30 I had a planned C Section and my milk didn’t come in and baby wasn’t latching well so I was triple feeding and struggling. I wanted to give up but i kept with it and I’m happy to report we are now 18 moths into breastfeeding. Early on I did supplement with formula because i just wasn’t producing. Needless to say, I felt like I was failing my baby. Hang in there! Yes she can get her supply back. I drank body armor lyte to stay hydrated, used legendairy milk supps, brewers yeast in my smoothies, and pumped every 2-3 hours. I also was pumping in the middle of the night and that was usually my power pump. Prolactin is highest around 2am-5am so my middle of the night pump always produced the most. Fenugreek doesn’t work for everyone. My supply actually got worse using it so th ate why I did the Legendairy milk supplements since they are fenugreek free. You can also meet with a lactation specialist to help with this journey. My insurance covered for me and it really helped me figure this all out. Wishing you and your family all the best!
 
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