My 3 1/2 year old is very understanding, very goofy, I mean your typical kid BUT VERY TECHNICAL he even does things as if he’s been on earth before, however… he will not let me or his dad teach him ANYTHING he likes to do everything on his own ONLY. He refuses to look & learn meaning if you say it he will repeat it but if you show him this is green or orange he will turn away. Which is very weird b/c he’s a visual learner. Anything that is new being introduced to him he only wants to figure it out himself. I tried showing him how to paint he got mad b/c I was showing him that we don’t mix colors & we only use the water when we want to rinse our brush & change the color. He didn’t want the colors mixed he was getting mad at the fact of the colors not coming out as they should’ve on his paper b/c he mixed them all. He loves music, but only he can sing. If I start singing ABCs he’s mad b/c only he can sing it. If he sang it wrong & I correct him he gets mad & stops. I let him be a kid I let him do his toddler thing so no I don’t correct everyyyyy little thing but he’ll be going to pre k this year at 4 and I’m scared he will not let anyone teach him w/o him getting discouraged or upset about someone showing him the proper way of doing things. HELP MEEE PLEASE!!!
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@jentam I appreciate that response, while doing arts & crafts I let him do what he like. Today was his first time using the water, paint & brush all at once and I noticed he was a bit confused, paint got mixed and the melt down came. So I tried helping, he didn’t want my help but was very frustrated. As I said though I let him do his kid things, but as a mom if I see he’s getting frustrated I try to show him how things work so sometimes not most b/c I’ve learned him, to prevent him getting frustrated I try to help.
@belyse I have a similar kid. If you make something like a snowflake cut out of paper, give him the final product and tell him to make it. He’ll struggle with the folding, etc. Then maybe ask for help. Or do the same thing that he is doing, in a parallel manner. Dont give him hints, just do the painting beside him. He’ll learn by watching, maybe ask questions and open up.
@mikap Yes you’re absolutely right. He does like it when I do things beside him & not w/ him. I do remember a doctor telling me “COVID babies” are more prone to parallel playing. He loves to play w/ other kids too but at times he’d rather parallel play.
I do ask him, why can’t I play & he’ll say “b/c it’s mine” or “noooo”. He’s an only child too so I thought maybe that were a factor. He’ll share food faster than a toy.
I do ask him, why can’t I play & he’ll say “b/c it’s mine” or “noooo”. He’s an only child too so I thought maybe that were a factor. He’ll share food faster than a toy.
@belyse I had similar issues with my daughter. Won’t let mom or I show her how to do anything and gets super frustrated when she can’t do something immediately then refuses help. From us.
She just turned 5 and is in kindergarten, she’s a model student. Something about having her parents teaching her didn’t click but she’s excellent with her teachers. Even in pre k she showed this.
Don’t lose hope!
She just turned 5 and is in kindergarten, she’s a model student. Something about having her parents teaching her didn’t click but she’s excellent with her teachers. Even in pre k she showed this.
Don’t lose hope!
@belyse Yeah, gotta love a “strong minded” child.
Sit back, relax. Let him do what he needs to do to learn. He will eventually let you into his world when he can’t work it out.
Let the kindy teacher know too. It will help.
Believe it or not, some kids learn better by themselves, to a piont. It’s that piont when they need someone that the hardest lessons start for them. Contain your excitement when he finally asks. It actually sets back his trust, which goes against your emotions. It’s very clinical.
Every kid is different. And yes, I’ve had 2 of those type of kids in my 6. They are frustrating to deal with, but by golly, they come up with things I never had thought of too. Patience and understanding helps.
Yes, it feels like you are a crappy parent and not doing much. But believe me, being there matters to them, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
PS You are not a bad parent. You are a good mom. You called for help. That is good. The kid is going to be trying, but the kid has the best set of parents for him. Don't forget that. It will get easier. It will just take a little longer than expected.
You feel like your kid's assistant. That's OK. My elder one is 22 now, and while I feel I don't have a great connection with him at all, the way he treats and looks after me, he obviously has some affection for me. And I take that as a win.
The small victories are going to feel huge for you. And it will be worth it. You got this.
Sit back, relax. Let him do what he needs to do to learn. He will eventually let you into his world when he can’t work it out.
Let the kindy teacher know too. It will help.
Believe it or not, some kids learn better by themselves, to a piont. It’s that piont when they need someone that the hardest lessons start for them. Contain your excitement when he finally asks. It actually sets back his trust, which goes against your emotions. It’s very clinical.
Every kid is different. And yes, I’ve had 2 of those type of kids in my 6. They are frustrating to deal with, but by golly, they come up with things I never had thought of too. Patience and understanding helps.
Yes, it feels like you are a crappy parent and not doing much. But believe me, being there matters to them, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
PS You are not a bad parent. You are a good mom. You called for help. That is good. The kid is going to be trying, but the kid has the best set of parents for him. Don't forget that. It will get easier. It will just take a little longer than expected.
You feel like your kid's assistant. That's OK. My elder one is 22 now, and while I feel I don't have a great connection with him at all, the way he treats and looks after me, he obviously has some affection for me. And I take that as a win.
The small victories are going to feel huge for you. And it will be worth it. You got this.
@ytcracker Oh wow you explained us so well. He literally hates when I’m excited when he does something new or shows me something he likes. I forgot to add that he’s very very shy and he talks when he wants or needs something. He’s not mute, just speaks when interested. Your comment is immensely appreciated, I really do beat myself up b/c at times I feel like I’ve tried everything. Your reassurance gave me so much more hope!!!
Again thank you so much, I’m so ready the small victories!!!!!
Again thank you so much, I’m so ready the small victories!!!!!
@belyse Sounds like a 3yo. Some kids are more strong-willed and independent than others but this is all typical to some extent and can be mitigated by how you present things to him. Part of why teachers have an easier time is training and part is that, since they themselves aren’t tied up in his sense of identity, their explanations aren’t either. You can get a fair way towards mimicking both at home.
The first, very simple thing, is that kids (and all of us) hate being corrected. You can praise what went well and then instead of correcting just say something like “my favorite way to do X is…” or “let’s experiment. Which way do you think comes out better, A or B?” or just go about your day, doing things alongside him, and add a few extra comments that drop in the skill you’re working on. “Wow, I love that green shirt you have on!” “Which plate would you like, yellow or orange?”
Lots of books on parenting touch on this kind of speaking because it’s less you vs them. However, you can also be blunt and say “It looks like you’re having trouble with X. Would you like an idea or do you want to keep working on it yourself?” Comfort if there’s frustration and reassure him he can keep trying and if he’d ever like an idea from you, you’re willing.
He will be fine in the long run!
The first, very simple thing, is that kids (and all of us) hate being corrected. You can praise what went well and then instead of correcting just say something like “my favorite way to do X is…” or “let’s experiment. Which way do you think comes out better, A or B?” or just go about your day, doing things alongside him, and add a few extra comments that drop in the skill you’re working on. “Wow, I love that green shirt you have on!” “Which plate would you like, yellow or orange?”
Lots of books on parenting touch on this kind of speaking because it’s less you vs them. However, you can also be blunt and say “It looks like you’re having trouble with X. Would you like an idea or do you want to keep working on it yourself?” Comfort if there’s frustration and reassure him he can keep trying and if he’d ever like an idea from you, you’re willing.
He will be fine in the long run!
@bachjazz Yessss, thanks for this comment.
I can honestly say I have not tried it that way. I give him options to choose from but I do not say the color.. wow. So simple.
Moving forward I’ll definitely be switching my verbiage (question wise) to more of a suggestion kinda way. That way it does come off more comforting and not taking over. Also I have noticed he does like parallel learning a bit more, so that’s noted.
I can honestly say I have not tried it that way. I give him options to choose from but I do not say the color.. wow. So simple.
Moving forward I’ll definitely be switching my verbiage (question wise) to more of a suggestion kinda way. That way it does come off more comforting and not taking over. Also I have noticed he does like parallel learning a bit more, so that’s noted.
@belyse My 2 year old (2 and 7 months) has always been this way, like to an extreme. I fully get your issue! I try to let him learn on his own for most things even if he needs help. I’ve learned that trying to force him to let me help him makes things worse. Obviously, if he’s in danger I’ll step in but I’ve noticed lately sometimes if he can’t do something after trying for a while (like opening fruit snacks) he will ask me- which is huge progress. For example- we went through a phase with the car seat where he insisted on trying to buckle himself in and if I’d touch the straps to help he would cry and scream and get extremely upset. I look at it as he’s very strong-willed and determined and I am glad he is displaying that quality. Yes it will present some challenges but that’s okay. Hope that helps?
@beachydeb Yes thank you so much. Sounds like I need to do just that, let him be b/c… well you can’t help someone who doesn’t want you to help. He’s so strong minded omgggg, I will give him his space though.
@sarukan65 That he is, he doesn’t go to school quite yet. He’ll be starting this year though. However he has a love/hate relationship w/ trying new things, VERY hands on, and loves being around other kids. Im hoping he likes school too. Fingers crossed. Thanks for your comment.
dylanrowe1
New member
@dylanrowe1 Yep, it’ll be something new for him.
W/ you saying it that way makes it sound so much better, thanks for your comment.
W/ you saying it that way makes it sound so much better, thanks for your comment.
paradoxsolver
New member
@paradoxsolver Terrible response, gtfo
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