My child has been bitten twice in the last 2 weeks at Pre-K

[talisra]

@gospelofgracetv Exactly

 

[greatexpectations]

@gospelofgracetv That's a pretty big assumption they the child's parents aren't doing anything about it.

 

[gospelofgracetv]

@greatexpectations The kid isn't picking his nose and wiping his boogers on someone, he's biting my child to the point that they need medical attention. More than once. I'd like to hear directly from those parents whatever it is they are doing because it's not working.

 

[greatexpectations]

@gospelofgracetv It takes at least 6 weeks to change behavior and that's after the function of behavior has been assessed. It sounds like this has been going on for a few weeks. Behavior usually escalates when it is first addressed. I just think it is completely wrong to assume the parents of the biter are doing nothing. For all we know this child may have an Autism diagnosis and is attending ABA therapy for 20 hours a week. Let's assume the best in people and remember this is a child - not a criminal.

 

[gospelofgracetv]

@greatexpectations That sounds nice, but I disagree.

As far as the bitten child is concerned, whatever is being done is insufficient.

 

[greatexpectations]

@gospelofgracetv I'm going to assume that you have never worked with children with special needs. Pre-K students developmentally are not skilled at self regulation. Throw in some sensory needs and first school experience and regulation is near impossible.

This is about 2 separate children. Of course it's awful that a child is being bit -nobody is arguing that. And this other child needs the support of adults around them to modify their behavior so they can access education like their peers. These two concepts are not mutually exclusive.

 

[gospelofgracetv]

@greatexpectations Now who's making assumptions?

I submit that the parents of the bitten child have right of access to exactly what is being done. You're arguing the semantics of "nothing" vs. "not enough" when the difference really doesn't matter in this context.

Yay! The parents are trying - someone else's kid is still literally bleeding. This is an exercise in futility.

 

[opiepride]

@alisonhansford Have you tried going around and asking the other parents if the biter kid has done the same thing to them? If the teachers say he has issues then perhaps other parents have experienced this with their kids too. And if you can work together to address this it would be a lot easier.

 

[spearhead45]

@alisonhansford As a Child Care teacher myself we have cameras and show the parents the incident and write it down so both parents sign the accident reports. I worked with 4/5 yo and never had a bitter in that age range. I’d also ask the daycare what their bite rule is, If he’s bitten other kids, and what they plan to do because right now you’re looking fun to relocating your child for safety reasons. Demand action be taken and a sit down meeting with the other parents present. They’ll internally freak out and more than likely have the meeting or kick the child out. I would look into another center preferably one with cameras.

 

[alisonhansford]

@spearhead45 Right now we go to a pre-k program through the school district. In MN they have what’s called ECFE which is early childhood family education which runs their pre-k program. I looked though the handbook for pre-k and they have a bullying policy(which is very vague) but no biting policy. I think because it’s though the district there are no cameras in the room. I love your input though! And agree about if they aren’t going to do anything that we should look somewhere else. Also even though it is through the school district we still have to pay for her to go there.

 

[bharati21]

@alisonhansford If it’s the district, they likely can’t kick the kid out for biting as it’s the child’s legal right to be educated. However, that doesn’t mean they should leave the child in a classroom where they are endangering others. It should trigger an IEP and accommodations.

 

[theresa84]

@alisonhansford It sounds like it is probably an inclusion classroom with kids who have special needs. The other kid probably has an iep and supports for his behavior. They’re not going to remove the kid even if he’s a repeat offender (like they may for a private pre-k). Hopefully they do work with him and get him the support he needs so these behaviors aren’t affecting the other kids. Is there another class that your daughter could transfer to? I’m sorry you’re in this situation.

 

[amazing_grace_love]

@spearhead45 I’ve also worked in childcare and schools for a long time and my first thought was “I’ve never had a biter this old!” Absolutely check on their policies. I’m just hoping the biting kid gets whatever support he needs to regulate his own emotions (or possibly his sensory needs).

 

[seeker22]

@alisonhansford I feel for you as my son was both the bitey and biter, but a bit younger, around 2.5-3.5. My son has a scar on his butt from a bite. As a parent of a biter there was literally nothing I felt I could do. He didnt bite us, he was super sweet with his baby brother at home. Everyday we were reading teeth are not for biting, hands are not for hitting, etc. We just never witnessed that behavior at home. But he and these two other kids just could not stop the biting at daycare. The teachers tried as hard as they could to separate them at all times, and yet it still happened. They each had their own teether they carried around so that they could do that instead of a human.

I know it’s super frustrating that your kid is being hurt, but the parents may also be doing everything they can to stop it too. It’s also very distressing to have a child that is the problem. I would just keep reassuring your daughter that she is doing nothing wrong. Encourage her to avoid that child, and like other have said find out what the school plans. I do think giving out kids teethers was helpful to stop the constant biting.

 

[totocaca22]

@seeker22 Ugh I relate to this so much. My child isn’t in preschool yet, but he is 2.5 and just starting to make friends. He will behaving a great time and then sometimes get over excited or stimulated hug other kids intensely, tickle them too hard, etc. and I immediately correct the behavior and we talk about it but it’s always been my fear he will do this at preschool or somewhere in the future and they will think he has issues. Sometimes kids just have weird urges to do things like defy personal space or bite and it’s hard to get that out of them.

 

[katrina2017]

@alisonhansford My gut tells me that the biter has an IEP in place if it’s a known issue and teacher said they were working on it. That’s not an excuse, your child deserves safety, especially if the biter is targeting your child specifically and they had to be on antibiotics. They need an action plan if they won’t kick the child out. 1:1 aid for the child? Your child deserve protection

 

[alh]

@katrina2017 I doubt there's an IEP in place but there's a chance they're working on getting one or a 504. Maybe he's getting ABA outside of school.

My guess is if a kid like that had an IEP, he'd have a 1:1 aide. A kid like that who's a danger to others would be supervised at all times if there was a plan in place.

 

[katrina2017]

@alh They might be in the beginning phases of the iep though, which is why there might not be an aide. If there’s a genuine developmental reason for this kid to not be able to understand injuring others then they need something to keep others safe in the meantime.

 

[lostandfoundgirl]

@alisonhansford Get out your school policy. It should be a booklet or a PDF that was given to you when your child was enrolled. Find the policy on biting, behavioral issues, and hitting. Document every time and every mark. Match them with the documents the school gives you. The documents' dates and descriptions should be similar/the same.

I had a kid like this in my class, but administration sucked and wouldn't get my students (yes multiple) the help they deserved and needed. They kept trying to place the blame on me infront of parents and on the parents to me in private. It was a toxic work environment and the children were put in the middle, obviously undeservingly.

Plans shmans.

It took a parent bringing a full frontal assault with notes and medical reports (that they hid from us and that it proved what my ASQs said) in order for my boss to take the issue seriously. Boss didn't realize I also brought in copies of multiple reports I sent to her and the parents as well. It ended up with my boss on the defensive and the student moved where they could possibly thrive.

This may not be a teacher thing as we don't have the power to move students attendance, but be assured, you will need documentation to show the administration what is needed. I would suggest teaching your child some self defense strategies in the mean time (paying attention to surroundings, what to yell to get attention, physically dodging or getting up and leaving). I know a bunch of teachers that are pro self defense in young pre school children and will use it as a natural consequence for the other child. Im so sorry, I really really REALLY wish I could do more. you have my support!

 

[alisonhansford]

@lostandfoundgirl I looked up school policy in our pre-k handbook and there isn’t anything on biting, just bullying. In the definition of bulling it states physical harm so that might fall under it.

I don’t blame the teacher though because the first incident she was in break and some one else was supposed to watching the kids and it was the same situation this time. The teacher was taking her break and My child got bit.

Also I found out today that this kid has been hitting my kid since October and they have been documenting it but not letting us know. So I’m going to request all the incidents reports with her name in them.

I’ll update the post tomorrow after meeting at 2pm Midwest time.