My child has been bitten twice in the last 2 weeks at Pre-K

[opiepride]

@alisonhansford That’s fucking unacceptable that they would not tell you about the hitting. I’d go through every avenue to file complaints about that.

 

[mturk4256]

@alisonhansford Can you go to the school board and petition to have a policy implemented? Your child isn’t safe there and it’s unacceptable.

 

[lostandfoundgirl]

@alisonhansford Good luck. I wish you all the best.

 

[greatexpectations]

@alisonhansford If the biting behavior occurs while the teacher is away that may be a hint as to the function of behavior of the biter. Tracking trends is important - the biter may be struggling during those unstructured times and just needs an alternative support or plan during those times.

 

[henryseven]

@alisonhansford Wow that seems really old for biting. My 20 month old is a biter, but I could never imagine my 3.5 year old biting at her age. I’m no expert, but I wonder if this is a sign of developmental delays or problems in the home? Either way, I would not want my child subjected to that. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

 

[mackephraim]

@henryseven Man I feel so bad for both sets of parents here. Imagine your kid being a biter at that age.

 

[chemp06]

@alisonhansford Battle Royale

 

[gospelofgracetv]

@alisonhansford Is there a way to leave a public review of the school? (Ala Google or Yelp)

It may seem petty, but businesses thrive off of these sorts of things. Word of mouth is the most powerful advertising and they can't pay for it.

If the response is woefully insufficient, I would make that publicly known. And I would tell them you intend to do so.

If these sorts of behaviors are allowed to thrive there, other parents should be aware of that before making the decision to send their own child.

 

[katrina2017]

@gospelofgracetv This is what I was going to say but I wasn’t sure how helpful the advice would be in regards to this specific post. I don’t have kids or work in schools so idk how to fix the actual biting problem but if I were in OP’s shoes and end up leaving the school or nothing happens, I’d leave an honest review for others to see.

 

[growingsoul]

@alisonhansford Oh my gosh! I hope that kid with the biting problem gets whatever help and attention and education they need to stop biting other people! I hope your daughter heals okay.

 

[ethicsguy]

@alisonhansford First thing that is coming to mind here for me is I’m wondering about the biter. Why are they biting, what are the circumstances around it, etc.

Before anyone gets upset, I’m not saying that OP’s child is provoking the biter, just that biting is usually done in response to something. It could be due to an overload of emotion, being unable to communicate effectively, anger, a disagreement, etc. So I do wonder what is happening before the bites, how OP’s child fits in, if they’re unprovoked (they sound like they are), etc, because that can give a lot of information and help solve the issue.

For OP - your child’s safety comes first. For you it really doesn’t matter why the child is biting unless something your child is doing is provoking it, but from what you’ve said it sounds more like this child is fixating on your daughter more than it being that kind of a situation.

If it was me, I would remove my child, make it very clear to the centre that you don’t not feel like your child’s safety is being taken seriously as the biting it continuing, and find a new place.

As much as I know you want to talk with the biters parents, I wouldn’t. You’re going to be talking to one of two types of parents. The first being the ones who don’t care, the second being the ones at their whits end trying to work out how to stop their child and help them with this. If it’s the first, you’re just going to get mad. If it’s the second, you’re berating parents already doing everything they can to try and stop the problem. Either way, it’s not worth it for you.

Put your child’s safety first and get her out.

 

[islandbear]

@alisonhansford This is why you teach kids as early as possible that they have a right to defend themselves. Even a four year old can understand “don’t let people hurt you it’s ok to protect yourself”

 

[alisonhansford]

@islandbear Yeah we failed on that part- but we did start talking with her today about personal space and you can defend yourself if you feel like you are being hurt.

 

[alh]

@alisonhansford Get on the school about why their plan isn't working. He's a danger to your kid and probably others. Your daughter might not see it if she's not the only one being attacked. Complain that it's not just her safety at risk, but the entire classroom's.

Are they sending incident reports home? They need to. The school I taught at would do that for really minor things just to cover their ass. Certainly actual injuries warrant it, too. They should be calling you if she gets bitten and starts bleeding, not waiting until pickup to tell you. You need to hear it from them, not your daughter.

Ask if they remove kids for such behavior. They can't tell you what they're doing with him, but you can ask about policy. And if they don't remove him, will extra staff be provided to monitor for severe accidents like this? Stress classroom safety. Are they compensating you for medical bills?

I had a kid like this. He was only there 2x/w but he got basically every kid through all sorts of attacks. I don't remember if he bit. Our known biters (special ed, all of them) had 1:1 aides (and were in ABA and had chew toys) and the school didn't fuck around with safety. But he was like a switch. He could be sweet one minute but a terror the next. I was on eggshells. He didn't make it long into the school year before the director told his mom the school wasn't a good fit for him and he was dismissed.

 

[dkml]

@alisonhansford I have no comment or opinion other than I am honestly fascinated reading this and the additional stories because while I do have a 3.5 year old in preschool and daycare, this mostly makes me think about the story I've been told my whole life about the boy who bit a piece out of my cheek when I started daycare! I'm sorry you and your child are dealing with this! if its any consolation, I am now 26 and while I may be divorced with a child I dont think it has to do with my cheek bite!

Hopefully you find a comfortable solution soon!!

 

[poikilotherm]

@alisonhansford I'm in the UK so things may be a little different but biting is expected and acknowledged in 2-3 room. Its always stopped at there is a higher than needed staff ratio to combat the little chompers. My eldest got bit recently (he's 4) and that's unheard of. He was separated from the kid who done it and his parents called and taken home for the day. 2 year olds communicate through biting and 4 year olds should know better.
I'd have a word with what the plan of action is here.

 

[jesusdiedformyvag]

@alisonhansford As a PreK teacher myself, yes things happen.. but that.. no. That child is not exhibiting age appropriate behavior. I know if that were to happen in my school the night we would have been written up, sent home, and on his way out the door!

 

[geraldo]

@alisonhansford Four is just way too old for that to be an acceptable behavior in a childcare center.

 

[irishjeff]

@alisonhansford My 3 year old started biting/being aggressive at daycare/nursery when his little brother was born. It was an awful time for us as we felt so guilty about his behavior. He would only be aggressive at school though. We would give him attention, have activities 1 on 1 with him, time-outs, explain why it wasn’t ok to hurt other people- We did it all. We talked to the administration about what we could do as parents and equally what they were doing to prevent it. Turns out most kids in his class were about a year older than him and were off to preschool, the whole year between my son and the kids made things difficult for him and also the older kids. He couldn’t communicate properly why he was so frustrated, and the other kids were a lot older and didn’t want to play with him- that coupled with the massive change at home made him bite/hit. He never drew blood, thank god, but i was absolutely embarrassed and sad that he had hurt another child.
In the end they had a teacher be with him ALL the time to figure out what was triggering him and also to prevent him from hurting anybody. Within about 2 weeks he was back to normal.
I’m sorry you’re going through this and i can’t imagine how terrible it must be for your little girl. I would sit down with the administration and have them set a plan in place to prevent the other kid from hurting your daughter and any other children. chances are there may be a reason why the kid is biting and they can help him by shadowing him. But they absolutely have to have a plan to prevent this from happening again. I’d recommend emailing them and asking what plan have they put in place to prevent another incident, that way you have it in writing. Best of luck and I hope your little girl feels better!

 

[husada]

@alisonhansford My child went through this in daycare. Granted, his group was 18m to ~3y. He was bitten twice in 6 weeks by a classmate. I was disappointed to learn that there wasn’t a formal biting policy in place. We had to really dig our heels in, and in the end it was our son who was moved up to the next group ahead of schedule as opposed to the biter being removed altogether. At the end of the day my priority is to keep my kid safe so if that is the only solution they could feasibly come up with then so be it. He’s happy in his class and he isn’t coming home with bite marks anymore.